njruns75 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Have you ever been certain you don't want a girlfriend, scared of commitment but then once started dating someone changed your mind? Is this possible? been dating someone for 6 weeks. before we started dating he didn't want a gf (told a mutual friend this). Just last wkend he's still saying he is afraid of commitment but is willing to see what develops. his actions are making me believe he is spending time with me to get to know me and see if we develop but most people are telling me don't even waste my time since he's going into it w this mind set.
Saxis Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 It happens. Neither my current GF nor I really wanted anything serious when we started dating. Just kinda looking for someone to spend time with, albeit exclusively since sex would be involved. We fell fast and hard! Three months in and we're both looking very long term! We were pretty darn sure we would never even think about getting married or having more kids again, and all of a sudden that doesn't sound so bad either!
theories_galore Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Yeah, I suppose it happens to a lot of people. But, what I would think is to trust your first instinct or gut reaction. If you have been having doubts or anxiety or anything like that, then maybe it's a no-go and should find someone who wants a relationship. But, it does sound like things are going well since it's been about a month and a half! So, if you haven't been experiencing any negative feelings, then I say just stay patient, give it a chance and see where it goes. If you meet someone else in the meantime, don't brush it off. See what happens
The_Joker Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Wow! This thread is weird, haha, I am in a similar spot tonight after going to a casual dinner with a friend I thought I liked. at a MUCH earlier stage than your scenario, I'll share more details about mine in another thread... But I actually don't know, because i haven't been myself in that situation before... I would question why he would even be dating if he does not want a relationship (other than sex of course). I would like to imagine that if I wasn't sure in the first place about being in a relationship, that can certainly change while dating, but that is only some people, any other thoughts?
zeldasayre Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I am in a similar situation now. And, while I said I didn't want a relationship at first, I really like the guy. For whatever reason, I hate the label, "boyfriend." lol. I don't want him to be my boyfriend, but I want to be the person he's exclusively seeing. We have been dating for about a month, now. We see each other once or twice a week. I do have some doubts about his intentions, and I see myself falling more than he has. I am trying to keep my distance and go along with it. Let us know how things turn out with you!
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I'm sure it happens, but personally I'd tread very carefully if I were you. Staying with someone who has outright declared that they're not interested in a relationship, in the hopes that they'll change, is just not smart. Browse the threads here and you'll see it's the cause of many broken hearts. If you think you can continue seeing this guy without getting emotionally invested (although it sounds like you already are), then carry on. Otherwise you might want to quit while you're ahead and have your heart in one piece.
Andy_K Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Generally, the only time I would say 'I don't want a girlfriend' is if what I really meant was 'I don't want you as a girlfriend'. And if I said that, there's a 99% chance it stays that way, no matter how well we get on.
carhill Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Negative words are a challenge and a disclaimer. A canary. What we do with canaries is up to us. Good luck.
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