zeldasayre Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Hello! I hope I don't write too much. I'm looking for advice on my current situation. Here is the background... I am a 24-yr old female. I recently started dating a 21-yr old guy. He is a friend of my younger sister's. Prior to dating, we were just acquaintances, though I always had a little crush on him. I broke up with my boyfriend the first week in February. We had been together over a year and a half. I had emotionally left the relationship about two months prior to breaking up, but I found it difficult to officially end things. Not a week after breaking up with my boyfriend, I went on my first "date" with the 21-yr old. I joked about it being platonic the whole time. And, I sent a very clear signal that I wasn't looking for a relationship. He had gotten out of his first relationship (which was for two years) in November. After that, he had immediately dated another girl until January. They were serious, though they were never "official." He was really worried about this girl, however, as she was messaging me and saying nasty things about me when he and I first started talking. Anyways, so we have been dating since the first week in February. We kissed on Valentine's Day, and have spent each weekend together since. This past weekend, we did have sex. We are both in school, so we are quite busy during the week. I am working on my Master's, and he is finishing up his Bachelor's degree. I know that I like him a lot, which is odd for me! I typically push boys away, and perfer to be alone. With him, though, I felt kind of an instant connection. He jokes about getting married and living together, and got offended when I said I would never take his last name. It's hard for me to trust what he says, of course. He is very adament that he wants to see where this goes, and is comfortable dating, but doesn't want to jump into a relationship because of his past experience, his point in life, etc. Just this past week, I did bring up the "where is this going" talk. He had been calling, texting, and skyping me almost every day- always telling me how excited he was to see me and such for the first three weeks of dating. I felt like he was sending mixed signals, so I initiated the conversation about where we stood. Since the conversation, he has texted me everyday, but we haven't spoken over the phone or Skype. We are both very busy with school, since Spring Break is approaching, and it's exam time. I think I should be hesitant about pursuing a relationship, since I literally just got out of one. Still, I like this guy so much. I want to continue dating him, but I am afraid of being hurt. I worry that he is keeping me around to enjoy all the luxuries of a girlfriend, especially since we did have sex, but with an out to continue looking for something better. Do you think I'm being wise in this situation? How long should it be until we move forward from "just dating?"
Author zeldasayre Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I was worried about this, too! Lol
ThatDudeXO Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 ( as in, did not let him enter your soft, worm, moist body, with his hot liquid ) There was absolutely no need for this description. :laugh: :laugh:
xpaperxcutx Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 So where do you stand on this? Technically you're on a rebound if you just got out of a serious R and you did state to him you were not looking for anything serious. As for him, he's moving on too fast and it's a litgle irrational for him to talk marriage so soon. He's 21,he has barely experienced the world. Take his attention with a grain of salt and try no to be so serious until after finals. The worst thing u can do is mess up your gradw getting too emotional.
Author zeldasayre Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I should really clarify that he jokes about marriage. I still think it's a kind of weird joke to make, but he is not seriously trying to propse to me. LOL. I just wanted to point out that I think he is sending mixed signals. When I initiated the "what are we really do" conversation, he said he thought we were both going in not wanting relationships. He said he wants to see where things go, but I'm worried, again, that he is just using me for the time being. He is getting someone to cuddle with, make out with, complain about bad days, etc, but still having that "well, I'm not your boyfriend" card to play. I guess I just have a hard time believing what he says. He told me he could never lie to me, and he is just as worried as I am that he will get hurt. He said his other experiences (the ex girlfriend and previous girl he dated) both cheated on him. I don't know if that justifies his apprehension about an actual relationship.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I should really clarify that he jokes about marriage. I still think it's a kind of weird joke to make, but he is not seriously trying to propse to me. LOL. I just wanted to point out that I think he is sending mixed signals. When I initiated the "what are we really do" conversation, he said he thought we were both going in not wanting relationships. He said he wants to see where things go, but I'm worried, again, that he is just using me for the time being. He is getting someone to cuddle with, make out with, complain about bad days, etc, but still having that "well, I'm not your boyfriend" card to play. I guess I just have a hard time believing what he says. He told me he could never lie to me, and he is just as worried as I am that he will get hurt. He said his other experiences (the ex girlfriend and previous girl he dated) both cheated on him. I don't know if that justifies his apprehension about an actual relationship. You guys just basicall agreed to a FWB situation. Only someone wanting a relationship would question where anything is going. He's not kidding, you're kidding yourself. You guys are technically non- exclusive which means, yes, he has options and yes, you are both usibg each other.
make me believe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I just wanted to point out that I think he is sending mixed signals. When I initiated the "what are we really do" conversation, he said he thought we were both going in not wanting relationships. He said he wants to see where things go, but I'm worried, again, that he is just using me for the time being. He is getting someone to cuddle with, make out with, complain about bad days, etc, but still having that "well, I'm not your boyfriend" card to play. What exactly are the mixed signals? He is telling you he doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want exclusivity. Nothing mixed about that! When somebody says "oh I want to see where things go" in my experience it is almost always said just to placate the person who wants exclusivity, and it almost never actually turns into an exclusive relationship.
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