ThaWholigan Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 With the fact that I am trying to get fit, start a business and make money, not to mention the amount of time I will have to spend on my music, I've decided that it's probably not a good idea for me to start dating at this point. I am already pretty sure that I am not a catch for the women I would like to date, purely due to the fact that although I am getting there, I'm not quite a true man yet, and still have some immaturity and insecurity to purge myself of. So I think for me, it would be better if I give myself at least another few months before I start to get out there and date properly. I think this is better for me in the long run. Hopefully all things will fall in place by then. 4
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Always take care of yourself first. You don't want to enter into anything with a bunch of baggage. Hopefully in this time alone you will do the introspective thinking needed to help boost your confidence and help you believe in yourself. 2
FitChick Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Wise decision. Channel your creative/sexual energy into more constructive areas and you will reap the rewards later. Successful men can delay gratification if there is a goal in sight. Too many men/boys cry that they can't get women but they don't channel their energy into anything other than a Kleenex. 3
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Always take care of yourself first. You don't want to enter into anything with a bunch of baggage. Hopefully in this time alone you will do the introspective thinking needed to help boost your confidence and help you believe in yourself. Agreed. I don't think I have too much baggage, but I certainly don't have my life in order just yet. I feel that I haven't reached an adequate level of masculinity or independence yet. I agree and hope that I can get that boost from within, I'm confident that it will happen. Wise decision. Channel your creative/sexual energy into more constructive areas and you will reap the rewards later. Successful men can delay gratification if there is a goal in sight. Too many men/boys cry that they can't get women but they don't channel their energy into anything other than a Kleenex. Agreed. When I was doing my natal chart (yes, I study Astrology ), a number of my aspects and placements suggested that I channel my energy creatively, especially into artistic pursuits. Men should certainly have areas of their lives that they are devoted to, it doesn't make sense pining for a woman when they mostly wish to date a man who actually has a life and strong interests.
FitChick Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Agreed. When I was doing my natal chart (yes, I study Astrology ), a number of my aspects and placements suggested that I channel my energy creatively, especially into artistic pursuits. . Then you know not to start any new venture, business or relationship when Mercury is retrograde, which starts next week for three or four weeks. You can google the exact dates.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Then you know not to start any new venture, business or relationship when Mercury is retrograde, which starts next week for three or four weeks. You can google the exact dates. Oh it will take quite a while for everything to get sorted so will not be starting it yet, I'm planning at the moment. Mars is also retrograde, so I want to see how to deal with that as it's almost conjunct my natal Sun as things stand. Interestingly, Mars was not only retrograde when I was born, but it's in it's strongest sign (Aries) in it's strongest house (1st house).......but I'm Pisces rising so Mars in Aries is intercepted and therefore "hidden". It's also quite badly afflicted, square Neptune (my chart ruler), square Venus (which has some positive things to this square), and inconjunct Pluto (which is also in it's strongest sign [scorpio] in it's strongest house [8th house]. My chart is weird
Teknoe Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Always take care of yourself first. You don't want to enter into anything with a bunch of baggage. Hopefully in this time alone you will do the introspective thinking needed to help boost your confidence and help you believe in yourself. +100! Tha, so glad to hear you personally coming to this (wise) decision. I've been in that boat for about a month or two now. I can tell you since I have refocused my energies into non-girl related avenues, such as getting more fit and launching my career off the ground, I have a new found sense of appreciation for each day that I'm blessed to wake up. I also feel less pressure when talking with girls, and it feels good when they ask me "So Tek, what you been up to?" that I actually have something to talk about that isn't the typical standard generic "Er, things are OK, yeah... um, so what about you?" I can actually tell them about what I'm doing specifically in my career, training, etc. They see my passion and they see me in a different light. It's funny, when you stop focusing on getting a girl and redirect that energy genuinely in other productive fields, girls are actually more attracted to you than when you are zero'ed in on finding one. It's just one of life's mysteries. It is what it is. Tha, congrats again on discovering a simple life truth. If you're not the man you want to be someday right now, there's no shame in delaying your woman dreams. In fact, it's very admirable and selfless of you. When the day comes that you've grown into who you were destined to be, you will make some lady very lucky. I wish more people would come to this epiphany instead of being so stubborn and tunnel visioned.
Teknoe Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Too many men/boys cry that they can't get women but they don't channel their energy into anything other than a Kleenex. The problem with most guys (and girls too) is NOT that they desire a girlfriend badly... it's natural to want to be with a significant other. The real problem lies in the fact that too many guys aren't asking themselves: "Am I good BF material right now? Am I the one the one I'm looking for is looking for?" (read that slowly again) If you aren't, you might want to stop and start there. Otherwise, you're just hitting your head in the brick wall over and over again. It takes a lot of humility and maturity to do a serious, somber self-assessment. Not condemning yourself, but being honest and re-evaluating life choices and habits. And making necessary changes to improve in every facet of life. Sadly, so many guys are pig-headed hell bent on clubbing a woman over the head and dragging her back to his cave. It's insidious and I'm not surprised when these same cats are the same ones posting the same woes week after week, month after month, year after year.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 +100! Tha, so glad to hear you personally coming to this (wise) decision. I've been in that boat for about a month or two now. I can tell you since I have refocused my energies into non-girl related avenues, such as getting more fit and launching my career off the ground, I have a new found sense of appreciation for each day that I'm blessed to wake up. I also feel less pressure when talking with girls, and it feels good when they ask me "So Tek, what you been up to?" that I actually have something to talk about that isn't the typical standard generic "Er, things are OK, yeah... um, so what about you?" I can actually tell them about what I'm doing specifically in my career, training, etc. They see my passion and they see me in a different light. It's funny, when you stop focusing on getting a girl and redirect that energy genuinely in other productive fields, girls are actually more attracted to you than when you are zero'ed in on finding one. It's just one of life's mysteries. It is what it is. Tha, congrats again on discovering a simple life truth. If you're not the man you want to be someday right now, there's no shame in delaying your woman dreams. In fact, it's very admirable and selfless of you. When the day comes that you've grown into who you were destined to be, you will make some lady very lucky. I wish more people would come to this epiphany instead of being so stubborn and tunnel visioned. Thank you I am in much agreement with the bolded, I've noticed this to be very true every time.
Teknoe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I've noticed this (pursuing other interests genuinely and pushing priority of getting a GF completely to the backburner) to be very true every time. It needs to be noted too, however, just like it was said in the film SWINGERS, it really has to be birthed from a true desire to self-improve/focus on other ventures. If you're trying to FAKE IT to impress a girl, it just doesn't work. It's gotta be real. Almost literally to the point of "Damn it, I'd rather have career/being fit/whatever over finding a girl as of TODAY." Not forever, but today. Take it 1 day at a time. If you try to fake interest in other activities in the hopes of attracting a female, rather than doing it out of personal self-satisfaction/improvement, it doesn't work. In other words, you are pursuing whatever non-female goal for the goal itself, not to impress or win over a female. Here's the other trick though: it will relate to your chances of attracting a female because you will gain self-confidence, autonomy and achieve true manhood, not that in-between a boy and man post-grad "going nowhere with my life" phase. (google "Guyland" if you're interested in reading more about that) 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 It needs to be noted too, however, just like it was said in the film SWINGERS, it really has to be birthed from a true desire to self-improve/focus on other ventures. If you're trying to FAKE IT to impress a girl, it just doesn't work. It's gotta be real. Almost literally to the point of "Damn it, I'd rather have career/being fit/whatever over finding a girl as of TODAY." Not forever, but today. Take it 1 day at a time. If you try to fake interest in other activities in the hopes of attracting a female, rather than doing it out of personal self-satisfaction/improvement, it doesn't work. In other words, you are pursuing whatever non-female goal for the goal itself, not to impress or win over a female. Here's the other trick though: it will relate to your chances of attracting a female because you will gain self-confidence, autonomy and achieve true manhood, not that in-between a boy and man post-grad "going nowhere with my life" phase. (google "Guyland" if you're interested in reading more about that) Oh I have many personal interests that I am involved in and wish to be involved in. I am not very good at faking things unless I am doing some kind of acting . I think that the next few months will be more introspective than anything, and I am looking to do some serious growth, physical, mental and spiritual.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I was at this phase the last few months and probably still should be. Problem is, with the warmer weather this time of year I start to get jealous of all the people I see walking hand in hand, etc. Knowing that I've never got to experience that and likely won't for a few more years is starting to make me go insane.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 I was at this phase the last few months and probably still should be. Problem is, with the warmer weather this time of year I start to get jealous of all the people I see walking hand in hand, etc. Knowing that I've never got to experience that and likely won't for a few more years is starting to make me go insane. You have to tune out of it. I actually feel happy when I see couples walking hand-in-hand. It's a beautiful sight, and I much prefer to see that than to see copious levels of animosity between people. You must program yourself to respond to your experiences differently. It's what I have been doing, and I must say it's already starting to benefit me even now. I have surprised myself with the level of insight I am cultivating right now. Try and find yourself a channel, a pursuit of some sort that is fulfilling enough for you to forget your lack of female-attention.
Teknoe Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I was at this phase the last few months and probably still should be. Problem is, with the warmer weather this time of year I start to get jealous of all the people I see walking hand in hand, etc. Knowing that I've never got to experience that and likely won't for a few more years is starting to make me go insane. I wanna echo Tha's post responding to this. Tune it out. If you still feel those pangs, then you haven't truly adopted that new mindset of "Screw it, it'll come when it comes, I am too focused on ___ right now to really give a darn" It's all about renewing your mind and the way you see things.
daphne Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 You sound like a healthy, well adjusted guy with a good head on his shoulder. What are you doing on this forum? Seriously. I think it's a great idea to get your house in order and find yourself in a better place to date.
Teknoe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 You sound like a healthy, well adjusted guy with a good head on his shoulder. What are you doing on this forum? Ha. We all have our junk, and our baggage. There will always be at least one bag of er, baggage, lol. The key is, can you reduce your bags to as close to 1 as possible? Huge difference in people who are carrying around 20 bags to those carrying 10 to those carrying 5 and to those who are carrying 1. Having a realistic viewpoint and high self-awareness goes a long way. I'm thankful for shedding a lot of baggage in recent years, but I'm still a ways away from reducing it all the way down to "just 1 bag"
thatone Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 You sound like a healthy, well adjusted guy with a good head on his shoulder. What are you doing on this forum? Seriously. I think it's a great idea to get your house in order and find yourself in a better place to date. i'll play devil's advocate . he sounds like a woman. so he'll have the same results 6 or 9 months from now that he'd have today, because he'll take 6 or 9 months longer to figure out that women don't want a woman (for the most part) they like men.
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Dating women is just waist of time for the most part, most are crazy, needy and just use Men for sport, it is in their nature ( if you can call women natural ). Stay away from them and live your life with full freedom from female agenda and manipulation.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 i'll play devil's advocate . he sounds like a woman. so he'll have the same results 6 or 9 months from now that he'd have today, because he'll take 6 or 9 months longer to figure out that women don't want a woman (for the most part) they like men. I wouldn't say a woman.......more like a boy in a man's body Like I said earlier in the thread, I just feel like I'm not very datable in comparison to the girls I wish to date, so have a lot of growing up to do. And yes, I'm well aware of the feminine attraction to true masculinity
Teknoe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 i'll play devil's advocate . he sounds like a woman. so he'll have the same results 6 or 9 months from now that he'd have today, because he'll take 6 or 9 months longer to figure out that women don't want a woman (for the most part) they like men. I'll commend Tha instead. What he's doing is actually very admirable, and very commendable. He is displaying signs of high self-awareness. A lot of hurting people keep on hurting because they're thick in denial and blind to their own shortcomings. Instead of pulling, they push. Or instead of pushing, they pull. THA, ignore the haters and keep it up. You are on a path of self-enlightenment and your future lady will be very blessed by it.
Mr. Savage Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Just out of curiosity, what type of women do you see yourself as unobtainable to at this point in your life?
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 Good question, and one that will be difficult to answer...... I have always liked girls who are intelligent, sometimes more than myself. I also find ambition to be sexy.....the problem is, as much as I have my ambition, at the moment I am finding it hard to consider myself a beacon of progression and drive at the moment, regardless of the things in my life I have currently overcome. It just seems as though the girls who I am attracted to and want to date do require certain qualities in a man that I don't feel quite adequate enough to provide. Not that I am not intelligent and creative, or that I am not a nice person. Just that these things need to be supplemented with other attributes that I have yet to embody. I also like good-looking girls (who doesn't). What I find attractive is broad and may be different to other men. However, I'm not at my most attractive in terms of physique due to my lack of fitness and while my hygiene is much better than it was when I was a teenager, I am not the best dresser in the world. This is not to say that there are not girls that are available to date. However, as almost ashamed as I am to admit it, I just don't want to date the majority of them. I wish not to make excuses, only that I don't feel comfortable trying to date girls when I am still not independent enough to consider myself a worthy man yet, and I still live like a boy.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I wish not to make excuses, only that I don't feel comfortable trying to date girls when I am still not independent enough to consider myself a worthy man yet, and I still live like a boy. Be careful -- it looks like you are dancing on a fine line. Wanting to improve aspects of your life so that you can approach relationships more on your terms is a good thing. But I don't think anyone should have to feel that they need to be "worthy" in order to be loved. That mindset can lead to perpetual anxiety. It just seems as though the girls who I am attracted to and want to date do require certain qualities in a man that I don't feel quite adequate enough to provide. Not that I am not intelligent and creative, or that I am not a nice person. Just that these things need to be supplemented with other attributes that I have yet to embody. Have you ever read "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida? If not, read the introduction section the next time you are in a book store. It's all about the complementary masculine/feminine synergy in a relationship. You may find it interesting. It's about how the best relationships result when the man and woman are at complimentary points on the masculine-feminine spectrum. Maybe this has something to do with the attraction disconnects you are experiencing.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Be careful -- it looks like you are dancing on a fine line. Wanting to improve aspects of your life so that you can approach relationships more on your terms is a good thing. But I don't think anyone should have to feel that they need to be "worthy" in order to be loved. That mindset can lead to perpetual anxiety. Have you ever read "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida? If not, read the introduction section the next time you are in a book store. It's all about the complementary masculine/feminine synergy in a relationship. You may find it interesting. It's about how the best relationships result when the man and woman are at complimentary points on the masculine-feminine spectrum. Maybe this has something to do with the attraction disconnects you are experiencing. I do have that book! I will give it a read as I have it on PDF.
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