Grazzy Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 First off hello, my wife and I have been married for almost 4 years this June, and we've been together for almost 10 years total. Within the past year we've had issues and she has stated that she was no longer happy, a big argument ensued, and when everything cooled down I realized I was in the wrong and there needed to be major changes. I needed to pay her more attention, communicate more, take her places, basically spend more time with her and make her feel like a wife. Well during our cooling down phase, she met up with an old friend who she was really close with, they even dated for a short while before we originally met, but he's turned gay now. He likes to have fun out at the bars and drink, go clubbing with his friends and stay out all night. Well at first they had fun just talking on facebook and texting, but then she began to partake in some of the activities. I voiced my opinion, and told her staying out all night was going to catch up to her when she would have to go to work in the morning. Her original response was that she wanted to have fun with him was tired of worrying about us and our relationship. I wanted to respect her wishes but as time has gone on she's grown close to him to where she would get out of bed at midnight and go to the gym if he would send her a text message and ask. He works the 2nd shift so he gets off work late at night, while I work the 3rd shift and my wife works the 1st shift. We don't work together, but there would be times where as soon as I had left for work they would make plans and go out to the bar. So in an attempt to spend more time together I told her we should have date night on a Friday night, and she agreed. Long story short, date night no longer exists because of either work calling or a friend wanting to hang out, so every Friday just turned into 1 Friday a month. We've been having arguments again, this time it's me saying we don't spend any time together and I feel like I'm just a house sitter. The original answer of "burnt out on relationship" has turned into "we don't have that spark anymore, I don't love you like before". She has brought up issues I have apologized for time and time again, whether it was me being impatient or not doing enough around the house. She has also been talking about how she is turning 30 soon and she hasn't done much with her life except being unhappy. Recently the word divorce has been thrown around, and while it happened before this time it feels more legitimate, at least it did for me. She recently came back and said she doesn't really want a divorce, but isn't happy and doesn't know what to do. She talks about things that could make her feel better like taking her out, which I pointed out I already do, and in the end it leaves us both saying I don't know. I get the feeling she has resentment over issues in the past, and I've already apologized and told her if I could I would do things differently from before. She has admitted to feeling bad going back to the days when we were dating before we got married, but she also said we had good times to she cherishes. Some people close to me have said to "be ready and keep both eyes open, she could cheat any moment". I don't think that could be the issue but she has said she wonders what it would be like to start over with someone else. Now just recently she wants to plan something for this week for both of us that romantic to try and get the spark going. Sorry for the long post, I tried to trim off what I could to save space, but right now I'm just looking from some advice from the outside so I can get a better feel. I know my wife isn't a bad person but I've just been so confused and emotionally stranded anymore.
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