Just broke up...I need some help here.

[Better_Days]

@SenateGuy: haha your comment made me laugh especially about the phone tricking lol. At this point, it's too late to check her phone or do anything. I should've done that when I was still with her then. But then again, if I'm at a point where I cant trust my girl and have to check her phones and stuff, the relationship won't go anywhere I think. But thanks.

 

@amanda_emm: Thanks for your thoughts. I see where your getting at. But I wanted to be nicer or perhaps less controlling or protective by letting her chill with her guy friends as she strongly believed that friendship can exists between a guy and a girl. I told her many times I don't believe that such friendship exists because coming from my experience and all of my friend's case, they always end up dating or try to do something (at least flirting). But she always denied that they are just friends and nothing will happen.

 

Thanks

 

Better_Days

[jus d'orange]

First off, I really appreciate your encouraging replies, jus d'orange. I've been lurking a bunch of these threads and I'm always comforted by what you have to say (even if it's essentially the same message every time).

 

I'm on my 5th week of NC with my ex who broke up with me, and I've been taking steps towards "becoming a stronger person." But I constantly have mixed feelings; I can't say for sure whether I'm becoming stronger truly for myself, or to "impress my ex." Is there anything that I can tangibly do to truly focus on myself?

 

It's a tough thing to know whether you're in it for the ex or for yourself. At first, I would try to tell myself that it was for me, but I felt like it was for my ex. However, because I was in no contact with her in any way, I was the only person there any of the time. She doesn't know what I've been up to, but I do. I felt pride in myself for handling the end well, getting in better shape, eating well, etc.

 

You need to think to yourself "look at what I'm doing" and decide that you're taking control of the situation for yourself. The more that you do it, the more tangible it becomes, and the less there is a need to justify your actions by "impressing" somebody who isn't there. It's a self-fulfilling thing; even if you start out believing it's for the ex, the fact that you're doing it and it improves only your life means that you'll gradually feel more and more self-confident and less worried about whether it impresses the ex. Does that make sense? That's how it worked for me at least. Simply by acting with the conscious intent of self-reliance, regardless of uncontrollable emotional motives, you can't help but move on.

 

I know I often write the same sort of message, but I try to adjust it to meet each individual case as best as I can. Fortunately, despite the terribleness of a breakup, there is a fairly easy to understand solution. That doesn't mean it's easy to implement, though...

 

Hope this helps!

[flitzanu]

@flitzanu: yes she is

@DisGai: thanks for the kind words, i appreciate it!

@2tell: I'm sorry that you've been through same break-up. I guess you are right that it happened now that later as the damage would be way more. Although I would like to think positive way, we all know that it is easier said than being done. But I will definitely try.

 

thanks guys

Better_Days

 

then that's your answer. she's young. she's been tied down most of her young adult life (perception) and now wants to try new things.

 

honestly bro, there's likely NOTHING you could have done differently. some people just get fickle and start wondering "what if".

[KissingItBetter]

Well, cry it out, cry and cry! You'll feel a lot better, then go out, do the things you love doing when you were still single. Believe me it will do a lot of wonders to your life and your feelings.

 

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