legend5271 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Hi All, I was seeing a girl for the best part of 2 months and we went on 6 or 7 dates in total. Our relationship I felt was gathering pace. It was mainly a texting relationship and we rarely spoke on the phone. I did try to initiate a few calls but the conversations didnt last long. When we were together we had a good laugh and spent a few nights together but never had sex. The most we ever did was messing about on the couch (Just kissing)...The reason we didnt see each other more was because of her busy schedule. She would work some weekends as well as play basketball and coach basketball. Of course i wanted to see more of her as my schedule was not as busy as hers. It started to go a bit downhill after I took her for dinner and asked her "Whats the story with us?". She got a bit defensive and said "I dont want commitment". She told me about a relationship she was in (vague story.) and that she had issues. Texting after that night was not as frequent from both of us. She did ask via text if i was ok and that I had become stand offish. I reassured her I hadnt. If im honest I was a bit pissed off with her. I was the one who always initiated meeting up so i backed off and waited for her to ask me. (Maybe childish on my part but I wanted to know if she was interested.) So she did text one night saying how sad she was she hadnt seen me and that we should meet up. I asked her to call me instead of texting back and forth but she didnt. The next time we met we ended it (2 days after I had asked her to call me). I actually asked her to come me and that we needed to talk. She said she didnt want to waste my time, that I was a lovely guy and that maybe we wanted and needed different things. She also said that I needed reassurances and that she was not prepared to do that. The thing is I accepted all that she said and left it without trying to mend it. Im regretting it now and Im looking for advice on how to pursue her again or even approach it without making a mess of it. I know she likes me and she was enjoying what we had. I really like her and feel she is someone that is worth pursuing. Its over 10 days since the break up. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
KathyM Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 It sounds to me like she doesn't really have time or interest in having a real relationship. Just wants to keep it casual, and she's not available much of the time. I don't see the point of trying to get back together. Work on finding someone who has time for you and interest in a real relationship with you.
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 The thing is that you were unhappy with her, and your interactions with her. Don't sacrifice your own wants and needs. Find someone you are more compatible with and let this one go.
Galax Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 yes that's also what I think in your relationship. you're both unhappy with each other, the only thing that made your relationship stayed for more than two months is because of your effort alone and not her and that's not fair in a relationship. find another girl. You deserve someone better.
Author legend5271 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Hi, Thank you for the replies, really appreciate these. The thing is before I blurted out the whole, "What are we?", she actually said we should take her niece to the zoo, so she was interested. I cant help but think that I could have approached the whole situation more tactfully. Instead I scared her off. She didnt really go into detail about past relationships but it seems that she has been hurt in the past, which could be a reason why she didnt want commitment and that she wanted to takes things slowly. Me pushing her and looking for reassurances just seemed to have scared her off. But if i approach her again how can it be done?
pinkie Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Seems to me the real problem that you have is that 'you don't listen'.... She's been telling you that she's not interested... Everyone on here has told you to move on. Do not approach her again, you won't get anywhere. LISTEN...
flitzanu Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 approaching her now would likely just make you seem creepy and pathetic/needy. she told you she doesn't want a relationship = she doesn't want a relationship with you. she's given you some clear signs that she wasn't really seeing a future here, and that's clear by her not showing any motivation to contact you since she left you.
tgr172 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Yep you did move way too quick by any measurement. That does make you seem needy or besparate. Not that you are mind you but its all about perception. So What I would suggest is that you find a way without making it sound like a date to get together very informally and just enjoy yourself for the moment . I dunno something like I ned someone to come with meto a function or party. and we already know each other so it would be easier than finding a new date. Dont even think beyond that one evening If she says no then forget it and she knows youre out there and might at some point call you up. Nothing wrong with simply looking for lite and easy for a long time to get to be friends. dont let your mind get ahead of natural progression.
Author legend5271 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Thanks for the replies folks, really appreciate them. I have to agree with you all here. My gut instinct during the latter stages of the relationship is that she was not interested. I should have just listened to myself. But pinkie you are right, I dont bloody listen. Im not going to pursue her or contact her. Thanks
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