LittleDevil007 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 My ex has a history of going back to one of her ex's everytime she breaks up or feel's lonley. She bascialy told me that they both use each other. When we were together she told me she still cares about his like a really good friend but is never in love with him. I asked her if she would ever go back to him if we had ever broken up and she promised me she wouldnt because she knows she would bascially use him. Also before we started going out about 1 1/2 years ago she went to his house to make sure if she had feelings for him before she went to me and she told me that she felt nothing anymore towards him, just a friendship. Anyway I broke up with her about 1 month ago because she changed too much. I did everything for her, spoiled her, told her she was beautiful everyday but it didnt feel the same anymore and I always felt neglected by her, I didn't feel like I cared about her as much as she was pushing me away and ended it before it got any worse. I know I hurt her and she told me she could never trust me and I know she still loved me as much as she could but she just was not pattionate enough for me and I had to do it. She always told me I was the best boyfriend and bestfriend she ever had and I changed and helped her in so many ways, I was also with her over a year without ever breaking up once, she never was in a relationship more then 5 months before me. So now I do miss her, and though I know I want her back and try again I know I have to move on because everything would be good in the start but would go back to the way they were if I tried getting her back. But I just want to know, why do people do that? why did she go to him after she promised me she wouldnt? what is he to her? I know he actually cares about her but is she doing it to get over me? why would anyone do this? Personally I could never try to hurt someone and leave them over and over. Is she always going to keep doing this to him?
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 She has never healed or broken away from this person which is why your relationship failed. Also, you were likely a rebound no matter how long the relationship lasted. You felt unhappy and neglected, and you had every right to. I'd be willing to gamble he was still in her thoughts pretty frequently. 1
Author LittleDevil007 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 She has never healed or broken away from this person which is why your relationship failed. Also, you were likely a rebound no matter how long the relationship lasted. You felt unhappy and neglected, and you had every right to. I'd be willing to gamble he was still in her thoughts pretty frequently. I have to disagree, our relationship failed because of my emotions. She did not purposley neglect me. She was raised to not show emotion much and she did everything she could to keep me. But her always hiding her emotions led me not to trust her, and I know for a fact that she never lied to me, she is just one of those people who CANT lie. She rather hurt herself then lie to me. She cried over me plenty and wanted me back when I did break up with her, but I just couldnt go back because I was too angry and I know it couldnt work, we were too different. I just think she went back to him because she was alone andn needed someone, and she knew her old ex would accept her with open arms. What do you guys think?
Better_Days Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 When you said that she said that her and her ex is just "using" each other, (no offence here) it sounded like sex buddies. One of my close friends, he would always go back to his first ex and she would cheer up him up and would lead to sex eventually. If you know that your ex has history of going back to her ex when she breaks up or feeling lonely, obviously she will do it again. And obviously, when she is with you, she will do anything to tell you that she wont' do it to make you happy. But when relationship is over, and you are not there, and she is feeling lonely, what you think she will do? it's more of a question you already know the answer to but don't want to accept it. The reason why someone always go back to their ex when they break up or feeling lonely, I can only see 2 reasons. 1 is because the sex is great between them. 2 is because he/she is still attached to each other. And this is just my opinion.
Author LittleDevil007 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 No I doubt its the sex, she is one of those girls that respects her body. She only has sex if she is in love with someone, she would never give up her body to someone she just met or goes back too. Also I would like to add that she had a bad childhood, she always thought her parents hate her and she always wants to feel loved. I gave her the love and she fell for me faster then she fell for anyone ever. I know she truly still loved me when I broke up with her and she needed me, but she said she didnt want too because I hurt her too much.Shes the one who always broke up with her ex, and this was the first time anyone broke up with her. Also she never had sex with her old ex, only with me.
Better_Days Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Hey, I not trying to be rude but you will be surprised how many people go back to their ex just for sex. If it is not the sex, There must be a reason why she has/had a history of going back to her old ex. This guy must be a really understanding guy who really understands her and knows how to comfort her the way you cant. Also, if this guy is her very first ex, then that alone has some special attachment that make her see him when she's hurt.
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 You seem very apologetic for her behavior and you're placing the blame on yourself. Either way, you were unhappy and had every right to end the relationship. Life is too short to stay somewhere that you are unhappy. Take a step back away from this and look at it from a neutral perspective. You have a girl who runs back to the same guy every time she has a relationship end. As was said above, there is an attachment that she has been unwilling to break. She has patched and patched, but you can be the best ever and it won't change her feelings for her ex. Only she can do this in her time alone in internal thought.
Author LittleDevil007 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) You seem very apologetic for her behavior and you're placing the blame on yourself. Either way, you were unhappy and had every right to end the relationship. Life is too short to stay somewhere that you are unhappy. Take a step back away from this and look at it from a neutral perspective. You have a girl who runs back to the same guy every time she has a relationship end. As was said above, there is an attachment that she has been unwilling to break. She has patched and patched, but you can be the best ever and it won't change her feelings for her ex. Only she can do this in her time alone in internal thought. I am very apologetic, I seem to always forgive people and try to find the positive and alwasys try to find conclusions. I belive she went back to him because she is never a person to go find new people. She would still be with me today and still be happy with me if I didnt brek up with her. Yes I agree she did go back to him because he understands her, but she obviously could never stay with him for more then 3 or 4 months, thats not love, Im thinking she is justing using him to help her get over me, and once she gets bored she leaves because she knows she can go back to him easily. And if I wanted to right now I could tell her how much I still care about her and she most likley will end up coming back to me, but I will not do that to her. I just want to know how people could keep doing this. Dont they ever get bored after the 3rd or 4th break up? I mean that right there says instability... Edited March 6, 2012 by LittleDevil007
M2155 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I think Philosoraptor says it best in the first post. You sound like you are defending and rationalizing her behavior and taking all the blame to feel less guilty. It's not all your fault. If she didn't show emotions, that IS a flaw, she may very well have been holding them in for another person. You could say she did lie about not going to her ex (but who would you tell someone you're into that you would go back to your ex:confused:). It would never come up like that if he wasn't on her mind. With my ex....there was always some emotional distance. I never put my finger on it until I learned he left for his ex--they were all ooey-gooey before i even knew he was gone. Maybe I was the rebound. Maybe she was comfortable for him. But i see he is very different with her than he ever was with me. It's natural to want to defend her but don't put this all on your shoulders, you will wear yourself out. Maybe she never really got her ex out of her system and copes by going back. Or she probably doesn't know what she wants right now and goes back to what is familiar. If she knows how you feel and still chooses to be with him, then accept there is some attachment there that will probably be there until she spends some time single. There isn't enough analyzing in the world that will make you feel differently about their situation.
Author LittleDevil007 Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I think Philosoraptor says it best in the first post. You sound like you are defending and rationalizing her behavior and taking all the blame to feel less guilty. It's not all your fault. If she didn't show emotions, that IS a flaw, she may very well have been holding them in for another person. You could say she did lie about not going to her ex (but who would you tell someone you're into that you would go back to your ex:confused:). It would never come up like that if he wasn't on her mind. With my ex....there was always some emotional distance. I never put my finger on it until I learned he left for his ex--they were all ooey-gooey before i even knew he was gone. Maybe I was the rebound. Maybe she was comfortable for him. But i see he is very different with her than he ever was with me. It's natural to want to defend her but don't put this all on your shoulders, you will wear yourself out. Maybe she never really got her ex out of her system and copes by going back. Or she probably doesn't know what she wants right now and goes back to what is familiar. If she knows how you feel and still chooses to be with him, then accept there is some attachment there that will probably be there until she spends some time single. There isn't enough analyzing in the world that will make you feel differently about their situation. Okay I don't think you guys are getting the fulll picture of how our relationship was probably because I didnt add enough detail. I know her well enough that she did have feelings for her old ex, just like I have feelings for one of my old ex's, but I dont love my old ex to be with her for the rest of my life. I think She uses this guy as a "emotion support". Because she needs someone. She was always needy girl, and when she realized she couldnt be with me she went back to the only support she knew and that was her ex. She was not going to go find someone brand new who she couldnt trust. You guys think that I didnt care for her as much because she wanted to go back to her ex, when that was NOT the situation. She only spoke about her ex when I asked about him, she never randomly brought him up. She told me plenty of times I was far better then him or any of her previous ex's. She knew I was the best for her, but in the end she was not best for me. Honestly after thinking this through I guess I answered my own question for this. But thats not the point, I guess I just wanted to know why people do this at all. Thanks for the answers anyway everyone!
M2155 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 You said pretty much the same point in your first paragraph. No one doubts you cared for your ex or that she cared for you in kind. You asked why she goes back, only to break up again. Yes of course that's emotional support...aka comfortable, safe, familiar, afraid to be alone. But you don't run to emotional support unless you want to be there, when being single is a perfectly good option, or trying to get you back like so many of us do. I'm also giving you my perspective that if I'm telling you that you are better and I'd never go back to someone, I'm really trying to convince myself. You may very well be better and i may have zero intention of going back, but the conversations should go he was a great guy but wrong for me. Next topic. But hey, life is full of surprises. Glad you realized she is not the one before vesting too much more of your life.
wilsonx Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 This post is full of trash. She only spoke about her ex when I asked about him, she never randomly brought him up. She told me plenty of times I was far better then him or any of her previous ex's. She knew I was the best for her, but in the end she was not best for me. Are you that insecure in yourself that you have to bring up an old ex of hers? Really? FYI if someone says they would never go back to their ex, its typically them self talking and in the end, they go back if the opportunity presents itself. I agree with M2155 on this one. Also if you were the best, the old ex would have never been in the picture or crossed her mind
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