96Firebird Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Ex-girlfriend and I dated for 3.5 years, broke up about 3 weeks ago. She said she was confused and wasn't happy with our relationship, needed to find who she was as an individual. Claimed she didn't want to see other people, was just too stressed from school and work to try and fix the relationship at the time. I have a few mutual friends who have also told me she doesn't want to see anyone else. How true this is, who knows. Most of the unhappiness was due to lack of sex, my new job took up a lot of my time. So she said she still wanted to stay friends, because she didn't want to lose me. I told her I probably couldn't do that, but she still tried. She would text me about random things, such as a test grade she got or that her car passed inspection. I would be short with her, and even ignored the inspection text. She texted me later that day asking if I got her text, and we talked briefly but I cut it short. We have a dog together, and he goes back and forth between our houses (we live 4 houses down from each other). Lately she has been texting me about things to do with him, so I figured she was getting the hint that I didn't want to talk unless it was about him (such as did he get fed, where he would be staying that night, etc...). Then today she texted me asking if I had been able to use Netflix, and I said I watched it last night. Then she said she figured it out, and asked how work was. I said "It's work", and then she responded with "Well good talk... just thought a little conversation might be good". I'm not sure what the point of her texting me and trying to talk to me is. I haven't responded yet, and I don't know if I will. All her friends claim we will get back together, she just needs some time to figure things out. I'm just having fun living life, going out with friends, and have joined the gym and I really enjoy it. Sometimes I still think about her, we were together for a pretty long time and slept together every night. It was hard to go from that to not speaking to her, but I've learned a lot over the past couple weeks. What should I do? Continue the limited contact because of the dog, or show her that I can have a conversation and not be effected by her?
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 This is very interesting. First her wanting to be friends is likely a way to relieve her guilt. She "tried" to be friends so she can say it was your fault it didn't work out. If the lack of sex was the issue then she will be out getting that hole filled, pun intended. I think you need to make a decision on the dog. Either a custody agreement or one of you taking full ownership. Pets are legally property and in the end one of you will likely keep the dog... or stay in one another's lives forever. Whom is listed on the adoption records?
Author 96Firebird Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I am listed on all the paperwork for the dog, I paid for all the bills, food, etc... There are a couple reasons he goes back and forth. Her parents just put their dog down after 12 years of having it, and I think our dog helped the healing process for them. Her family still loves me, so I don't want to take that away from them. Another reason is because I don't have a fenced in yard for him, and they do. He is a German Shepherd mix, so he needs plenty of room to release his energy. I take him on daily walks, but its best for him if he has a large yard to play around in. Lastly, my ex's sister is home all day and can watch him, let him outside, etc... while I am at work all day. If I were to leave him at my house, he would be stuck in my room all day. My roommates and I are looking for another house with a fenced in yard, but many renters do not allow that breed of dog. We are searching though. So pretty much this is the best situation for him right now. And I am ok with it for now, since she is usually at school when I drop him off, and I am at work when she picks him up. So we don't see each other. We have a regular schedule, but she will still text me randomly after I pick him up and say "Oh I didn't know you came and got the dog" or something stupid like that.
Frank13 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Claimed she didn't want to see other people, was just too stressed from school and work to try and fix the relationship at the time. I have a few mutual friends who have also told me she doesn't want to see anyone else. How true this is, who knows. When they say this, it always means the opposite. If they just wanted a break they would say that. When they bring up about not seeing other guys, it is in their mind to see other guys. So they try to convince you that is not the reason.
Author 96Firebird Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Well to be honest, she did say she wanted a break. I said I don't do breaks, so I said we can either work on the relationship or its over. Thats when we decided to break up.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Yeah she's seeing other guys, but arent serious about anyone yet, so she is bugging you for some emotional connection. I also think she doesnt want to feel like she misses you, so she gets a quick fix by texting you, making sure you answer (means you still need her) so she can feel like you havent moved on yet. I think you need to give her the dog so she has no reason to text you, and so you can stop talking to her entirely. Also so that you have nothing to remind you of her. That way she HAS to miss you, and you can find out if she really wants to move on, and if you want to move on. This will kill her, and you will find out if she really wants a break, and can deal with not hearing from you. Youre doing great so far. If you want to move on, and you can do it and date new women while talking to her, then it will burn the hell out of her. I suggest you dont though, it will be much easier to move on when youre not talking to her at all. 1
Author 96Firebird Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 I can't just give up my dog, I've had him for almost 2 years now and raised him since he was 8 weeks old. He's my buddy, and I'd miss him too much. If one of us were to take him, it would be me. Right now though, this is the best situation for him.
Author 96Firebird Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 I decided to text her back, and this is how the convo went... Me: Good for what? Her: For us... but I'm clearly mistaken Me: Not sure where you're going with this Her: Just didn't know this is how you wanted it to be Me: This is how you wanted it to be when you broke things off Her: I thought it would be different and speaking was possible... but maybe not Me: So how did you see this all happening? Did you really think being friends would work? Her: I thought Me: Can't move on and be friends at the same time Her: Okay Me: Unless you want to talk about us, I don't see a reason to talk I hope now she gets the drift that unless we are talking about our dog, I don't want to talk. I can't be "friends" with an ex, just like I don't do "breaks". They both seem pointless to me. However, I don't think she is telling everyone that we are broken up. I talked to her uncle a couple days ago to make sure she told him we weren't going on vacation anymore. We were supposed to drive down with him and then fly back up, so I wanted to make sure he knew we weren't driving down with him so I couldn't split the driving with him anymore. He said he figured we couldn't find a flight and that's why we weren't going, he didn't know we broke up. This is her only uncle on the one side of the family and is pretty close with them. I feel like she is hiding this from her family and some friends for whatever reason. I saw one of her close friends out at the bar Friday night, and she kept telling me she was sure we would get back together and that my ex just needed some time to figure things out. I kept telling her I was fine with the way things were, but she was drunk and kept telling me I deserve to be happy and all this other nonsense. And my ex keeps posting sad song lyrics on her FB (I can check it without getting sad/mad like I used to, not sure why...). She posts stupid things like "I've been alone all along..." and "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." She hasn't had an upbeat or even normal status update since we broke up, its kinda sad really...
Author 96Firebird Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Man, I suck at life... We have had some brief texts about things with the dog in the past few days, and today I asked her if she wanted to go with us for a walk when she got out of work. She agreed to go, so she came over after she got out and we went for a long walk. It went alright, we talked about a lot of random stuff, but NOTHING about the relationship. Talked about what we had been doing, work, school, going out on the weekends, etc... Conversation was decent, and it was nice to have someone to walk with. Then she went to her house and I went down to mine with the dog. Couple minutes later she updates her Facebook status with "Live.Love.Laugh". Maybe I'm thinking too much into the whole Facebook thing, who knows. Does it sound like I am setting myself up for disaster? We are obviously not over each other, but we still enjoy each other's company. Not sure if I should continue with limited contact, even if she is still ok with hanging out? Most people who go into limited or no contact do so not only to clear their own minds, but because they can't control themselves and beg/plead for forgiveness and a second chance, ultimately pushing the other person away. I won't do that, and never really did from the beginning. Any thoughts?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Most people who go into limited or no contact do so not only to clear their own minds, but because they can't control themselves and beg/plead for forgiveness and a second chance, ultimately pushing the other person away. I won't do that, and never really did from the beginning. Any thoughts? You ARE doing that, because you insist on talking to her. She just needs a sliver of you to avoid the feeling of missing you, and you are giving it to her, so she is satisfied, and she never gets to miss you. If she doesnt miss you, or if she just misses company, then she is just hanging with you because she feels guilty about leaving you hanging, not telling you the real reason she broke it off. When she doesnt want to talk about the relationship while youre in person, it means she doesnt miss the relationship. So if you keep talking to her, youre setting yourself up for disaster. I suggest if you cant give her the dog, then you dont let her see the dog altogether and completely cut her off. That shows youre ready to move on without her, you'd be surprised at the reaction you get. But, with that said, you shouldnt get back with her anyway, even if you had the chance, because she didnt want to fix the relationship then, she wont want to now.
leoc1973 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 man you seem way too calm for just breaking up with someone that you were with for 3.5 years. You really should be freaking out right now. No matter how strong someone is they usually just can't help it. Maybe you should start really thinking about how strongly you feel for this girl. Are you sure you even want her back? She is totally friendzoning you by the way. She gets her little daily dose of you so that she doesn't miss you at all. She knows that she can have you back if she wants so there is no loss for her. I think if you do really love her and it just hasn't hit you yet your going to end up waking up one day and really be hurting meanwhile she is moving on, probably flirting with other guys, she might even have her eyes set on one specific guy. If there is another guy and you keep comforting her(unintentionally I know) while she starts to develop feelings for someone else you can kiss her goodbye. She will be one of those girls that will say oh me and my ex are BFF's while you are dying on the inside(I did it when I was younger) funny thing is soon as I met a new girl when I was going through a similar situation as you my ex lost her mind and begged and cried so much that it disgusted me and that was it for her! Good luck man I think a lot of people don't realize how much some of us can love a dog so you are in a tricky situation. Love the name by the way I have an 02firebird!
stillafool Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I can't just give up my dog, I've had him for almost 2 years now and raised him since he was 8 weeks old. He's my buddy, and I'd miss him too much. If one of us were to take him, it would be me. Right now though, this is the best situation for him. You have to do what is best for the dog and not be selfish on this issue. If he is a german sheperd mix he does need room to roam. You coming back and forth in his life is confusing to him as to who his master is. Let him go because you love him and change your info so your ex can't contact you.
TextRhetoric Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Firebird, right now your story on here resonates with my situation, unlike any of the topics I've found on here. That "final" text you sent -- you gave us the transcript, for lack of a better term -- was perfect. I believe you said what you needed to. It was curt, final, and to the point. The facts of my story are similar: 3 year relationship, and she left for the same reasons, with the same story. We broke up about a year and a half ago, and I still get texts from her (I don't initiate any). Last night, at two i the morning, I received a smiley face emoticon. I've received poetry via text, and requests for me to send her pictures of myself. When we're together, though, there's no talk about the old relationship, about what's truly at stake for her in these correspondences. It's so frustrating. I've tried to be like you, and shut things down, as it were, but, it never ends things. What do they want? I mean, friendship just seems so counter-intuitive. It's gonna sting when she finally gets into a new relationship. Why does she want to force this closeness? I feel your frustration, believe me. One receives texts like these, and one naturally interprets them. ****.
Author 96Firebird Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 leoc1973, I couldn't tell you why it isn't effecting me much. It did in the beginning, but not so much anymore. Maybe I'm holding onto hope, maybe I just know I will be fine in the end no matter what happens. I have great friends and family that are helping me too. I really did love her, at least I felt I did. However, if she were to come back this instance, I wouldn't just jump back in. There would be a lot to talk about, and it wouldn't be easy. I guess another reason I am not hurting much is because I know I'll find someone else. Not to sound cocky or anything, but I think I'm a good looking person and I have a lot going for me. Recently graduated with my BS in Mechanical Engineering and have a well-paying job, starting the gym up again so I'm getting healthier, and I also have friends that are going places. Not sure if there would be a better time to be single. Perhaps one day I will wake up and it will all hit me, but until that happens I'll keep living life. TextRhetoric, I think you need to find another girl. If she is still texting you after a year and a half broken up, it sounds like neither of you have moved on. I can only guess you are still single, and if you aren't you should tell your ex to stop with the random texts in respect to your current girlfriend. This Saturday is St. Patty's day, and being Irish and a ginger, I will be getting plenty of attention. Gonna be a fun day, can hardly wait.
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