ls32ssibm Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 23, M. After my last failed relationship (which ended over 6 months ago now), I realized that I am basically incapable of being in a relationship and it is better for me in the long run if I simply remain single. Probably for the rest of my life. Not being dramatic, it's my God honest evaluation of myself. I either; have no interest in someone if they do not meet my strict standards, and if they do meet them I become obsessed with them, which is extremely unhealthy. My last girlfriend was perfect in my eyes while we dated, and I still think about her way too much even today. Call me overly-possessive, jealous whatever - you're right. I've had this traits since I started dating 6 years ago and they haven't gotten any better as I've matured in other aspects of my life. One of the reasons we broke up (of a few) was I was smothering her. Go figure. Not sure what else to say. I truly believe now some people aren't meant to be in relationships, no matter how painful it is to be alone sometimes. I was single for nearly 2 years between loves and I accomplished more with my life in those 2 years than I could ever imagine, and after I fell in love again the shat storm started up and I greatly set me back on every level imaginable.
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I'd say if you feel this way you should see a professional who might be able to help you figure out what is causing these strict "rules" if you feel as if they are holding you back. But you are welcome to have whichever standards you wish when choosing a mate.
TeeZee Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Well if you look at the wildly varying opinions people have on this website alone, it's obvious that dating and relationships are challenging. People are full of judgements and requirements, and much of this comes from intense media exposure of tv shows and movies telling how relationships should be. I am much older than you and also have strict standards that few can meet. It's my challenge to be more realistic and open-minded. I try to do this by learning more about relationships, including talking to counselors if need be. Judging yourself as " basically incapable of being in a relationship" is far too harsh and needs to be rethought.
Eve Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 23, M. After my last failed relationship (which ended over 6 months ago now), I realized that I am basically incapable of being in a relationship and it is better for me in the long run if I simply remain single. Probably for the rest of my life. Not being dramatic, it's my God honest evaluation of myself. I either; have no interest in someone if they do not meet my strict standards, and if they do meet them I become obsessed with them, which is extremely unhealthy. My last girlfriend was perfect in my eyes while we dated, and I still think about her way too much even today. Call me overly-possessive, jealous whatever - you're right. I've had this traits since I started dating 6 years ago and they haven't gotten any better as I've matured in other aspects of my life. One of the reasons we broke up (of a few) was I was smothering her. Go figure. Not sure what else to say. I truly believe now some people aren't meant to be in relationships, no matter how painful it is to be alone sometimes. I was single for nearly 2 years between loves and I accomplished more with my life in those 2 years than I could ever imagine, and after I fell in love again the shat storm started up and I greatly set me back on every level imaginable. You could really be overly possesive/obsessive, or you could have just been ill matched.. or a bit off both. Usually these things are an interaction of more than one issue. Maybe the periods of inbetween-ness being so long is what makes you so fired up and intense? Don't know. I am really intense like that but only if I am getting the same back. Chill for a while and reassess. It is not a bad thing to be intense. I think it can be seriously sexy.. Hope you feel more back in balance soon. Really, you may as well be happy and not dwell too much on it all. You are very young. These things are sent to test us. Helps us to work out what we want and all that. Stay on your own if you feel that you really are a toxic individual at the moment and work on being happy. Like, properly happy. You don't sound toxic to me though. You just sound really frustrated and probably just need time to adjust. Chin up! Hope things work out next time around for you. Take care, Eve x
anaksunamun34 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I think u just didnt meet the right woman yet. once u find her , u will be like the two halves of an apple
Dating SIM Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I agree that you haven't met the right one yet. It may be harder for you to find a girl, due to your high standards, but eventually you will. Even if you don't want to settle for a girl yet, try not to avoid them. It's very rewarding and fun to have good female friends around. Good luck!
Author ls32ssibm Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Thank you all for the responses. For the most part they made me feel better. I do think I am poison as of right now to a girl, so I will probably be single for awhile now. After putting 110% into my last relationship just to have it thrown in my face (and have my girlfriend seeing another guy a week after we split), I just don't have it in me to care about anyone right now. It does suck being alone but I guess it's best to get used to being an island.
Philosoraptor Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Ah, so we were burned badly. Her needing to jump into something isn't your fault, likely her insecurities. You had a bad match, nothing more. Fully heal from the past and things will get much easier. But don't be too hard on yourself.
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