lino Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 It is ironic how men want women to have more sex, and also judge them so harshly for having a lot of sex. But I think the truth is that they want "pure" women when they are ready to marry, with access to lots of sex from women they would never marry until they are ready for marriage. The Madonna, and the whores. The problem is, most women want to be neither! No man judges a woman harshly for wanting a lot of sex with him. Many men will harshly judge a woman for having sex with many, many different men. A woman doesn't need to have had 50 knobs in her to be good at sex or have a high sex drive.
silvermercy Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 No man judges a woman harshly for wanting a lot of sex with him. Many men will harshly judge a woman for having sex with many, many different men. A woman doesn't need to have had 50 knobs in her to be good at sex or have a high sex drive. The reverse is also true. I do the same with men (but I'm not a hypocrite).
lino Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 If a woman feels that her partner is simply ' happy enough ' with her or leading her on, can't she just leave the guy? Or is a gun being held to her head?
joystickd Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Since Adam and Eve... It's always the women's fault, isn't it! Indeed, a mature person. Yeah it is. If women actually stepped up and stopped accepting some of the BS men do it wouldn't happen.
silvermercy Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Yeah it is. If women actually stepped up and stopped accepting some of the BS men do it wouldn't happen. Good. It's great you admit men also do BS.
joystickd Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Good. It's great you admit men also do BS. Both genders do BS. The thing is stop accepting bad behavior and it wouldn't happen. Its simple as that.
joystickd Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Since Adam and Eve... It's always the women's fault, isn't it! Indeed, a mature person. A mature person won't accept bad behavior.
Thieves Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 It is ironic how men want women to have more sex, and also judge them so harshly for having a lot of sex. So true. On the other side of a story, if a woman came on here saying she wanted to marry a man who was a virgin, or had the least amount of sexual partners possible, they'd most likely get laughed at. Really, women don't want to be 'whores', or 'madonnas'. We just want to be able to express ourselves sexually and not have it be commented on every five minutes. Too much to ask, apparently. And that's why sometimes it seems like women's sexuality belongs to everybody but the women themselves. I also really like certain phrases involving women such as, "give men sex", or "give out sex." Like they're handing out pamphlets on the corner. 2
Tybalt Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 A married female friend of mine recently told me, "In a relationship, one person always loves the other more, even if just a little." I am sure that could be argued for or against unendingly, but there is no doubt that in a dynamic where the discrepancy of caring and investment is wide, then it causes tension, unhappiness, and ultimately, often a termination of the relationship. People have different value systems. Some people are actively looking for "the one," others are intent on having basic companionship and/or physical needs met for whatever term. Others may think they are looking for short term until they meet a person who they feel so strongly about, they start wanting a bigger level of commitment. Do people stay with a partner who they know they don't want a long term future with? Sure. It's happened to me. And I agree that it is the person who "cares more" who should take the responsibility for ending it, if their needs aren't being met. The more emotionally invested partner has higher stakes. If the stakes aren't high, inertia and a disinclination to change is more likely. I don't judge my ex for the fact that he didn't love me. No one can make someone love someone else, and there really isn't any blame involved for that. I wish he'd been more consistent in his messages, but then again there were enough indicators present for me to know he was not in it for a life partnership, or at least not a life partnership with ME. I held on too long because I cared more. Darn this weak humanity. 1
ffw Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 It is ironic how men want women to have more sex, and also judge them so harshly for having a lot of sex So true. On the other side of a story, if a woman came on here saying she wanted to marry a man who was a virgin, or had the least amount of sexual partners possible, they'd most likely get laughed at. Really, women don't want to be 'whores', or 'madonnas'. We just want to be able to express ourselves sexually and not have it be commented on every five minutes. Too much to ask, apparently. And that's why sometimes it seems like women's sexuality belongs to everybody but the women themselves. I also really like certain phrases involving women such as, "give men sex", or "give out sex." Like they're handing out pamphlets on the corner. Hi Thieves, how u doing today? This is a tricky subject & unforunately true to some extent. One of the best ways I released was not to dug the skeletons. In simple words a person's past. I know some posters may not agree with me. Personally, I think the right thing could be right to ask to be last and not the right to know how far one is from the first. For me, part of trying to being a good man is knowing what I don't need to know.
OliveOyl Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Extract sex sounds like some crazy sci fi term for abducting some woman bringing her to your spaceship and giving her a vaginal probe. Then beaming her back to her location with no memory of the ordeal. To us normal people it kind of sounds creepy. I sorta think the woman does more "extracting" anyway... 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I can't wait til my husband comes home so I can extract me some sex from him! 4
Sanman Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't know about this extracting sex thing, but I think this happens for either gender. I have been strung along and I have prolonged relationships with women. The truth is that there are many reasons that this happens. Perhaps the person simply is not thinking long-term, is hoping that the other person will change over time, or other qualities temporarily overshadow the problems. For example, I have dated a woman who racked up lots of credit card debt and spent rent money on nice clothes and expensive clubs/parties. She was fun to date, go out with, and even be in a relationship for a while. However, there is only so long that I could go without finally admitting to myself that her spending habits were a deal breaker for me in the long-run. I have had women who prolonged the relationship until I brought the issue. They knew that I was not the one, but I treated them well and they had fun with me. So, they did not want it to end yet. People do what is there best interest. Men, I feel, do this more often because they don't have the option to initiate fwb. There are many 'relationship' guys out there that simply would not experience women being in these relationships. Anyone in this position has to decide if what they have (though imperfect) is good enough to hold on to or whether it is better to let it go. Rarely is the good of the other person taken into account. Usually it is all about what is better for the decider.
threebyfate Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I sincerely wonder why women cling to men who aren't meeting their needs. It's one thing if marriage isn't your goal or you don't really care about it and another to hold onto some dude who's not interested in marriage. Perhaps the way to shortcut this kind of issue is to ask the guy when you're ready for the next step. If he refuses, walk.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't know about this extracting sex thing, but I think this happens for either gender. I have been strung along and I have prolonged relationships with women. The truth is that there are many reasons that this happens. Perhaps the person simply is not thinking long-term, is hoping that the other person will change over time, or other qualities temporarily overshadow the problems. There are many 'relationship' guys out there that simply would not experience women being in these relationships. Anyone in this position has to decide if what they have (though imperfect) is good enough to hold on to or whether it is better to let it go. Rarely is the good of the other person taken into account. Usually it is all about what is better for the decider. This pretty much nailed it. I would say in the vast majority of these type of situations... one person is waiting for the other to change. I'm guilty of this as well. I've had probably 3 GF's that I had to split with for the simple fact that after waiting nearly 1 year I decided crap wasn't going to change. Some guys are WAY more patient and hopeful. I'm certain women do the same just as often.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 This is where you don't get it. Sex for men IS much more of a basic physical need than it is for women. Sure lack of sex, unlike food, will not DIRECTLY kill a man, but its not far off. If denied sex for many months or years, a man will slowly lose the ability to function in the world due to a slow and steady progression of insanity. As to your other point, I would argue that men do give commitment and love as much as women do. The only difference, which creates an illusion that they do not, is that men will frequently have sex with women to whom they do not intend to commit (because of the need dedcribed above), whereas women rarely do the same. This phenomenon creates the illusion that you have that men do not give love and commitment very frequently. LOL................. well, actually.. umm... I am a total hornbag. I want sex more than my boyfriend needs it. My sex drive is prettyyyyyyyyyyyy high!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .... in fact, if I do not orgasm in 3 -days, I feel ' insane"... So.. I use my trusty old HANDS.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 .. and I was talking to his friend, who mentioned " My girlfriend wants sex way more than I do, I bet Lee is the same hey..... chicks *sigh* " Andrew, and his mate I referred to, are both very horny men; when they are SINGLE. ONce every 2 weeks - 1 month, when they would hook up with a girl, they had TIME to GET horny.. Now, in relatinships, they can have sex every day, therefore their drive diminishes, and peeks once or twice a week. And it occurs based on the depth of the love they cultivate with their partner.... It is no longer a " new" thing, you see...
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 ZENgirl - I loved your response! What you said, to me, means that you and your partner should fall more and more in love. It should not stop, your love should grow and change. The contrary, where the " building" stops, is where one or/both people, stop trying to develop or grow as people, would you say? I think there is a correlation between the " building" phase stopping, and the fact that some people just stop growing and deeveloping as people. Perhaps they are too caught up in money/ career, or battling for ONE aspect of their lives, that they STOP wanting to try new things. They DO NOT have an interest to put themselves in uncomfortable or challenging situations. Personally, I need and will continue to build love towards my current b/f, if he likes to broaden his horizons, try new things, and always look for new things to experience and try in life. Even with the will to always grow and develop as a person, this is of course, NOT enough to keep two people interested and continuelly falling more and more in love with one another; it is just something that needs to be THERE, for MOST people, to continue to be " in " the relationship. ... I do not want to fall in love, deaply, and then all of a sudden, they just stay the bloody SAME, with NO desire to explore their character? Push boundaries? Hmmmm.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 I'm pretty much the exact opposite of this. I want even ask a woman out if i don't think she could be the one, and as soon as stuff comes out that shows she can't be the one I end the relationship. To me the entire reason for dating is to find the one. Interestingly enough I have always been the dumpee. I agree. Totally. If I did not see chance for growth and a future together, I would end the relationship. Even better, is to not enter into a serous relationship, if you cannot see a future. I would have friends with benifits, or I would " see" various men, if I could not find a guy, who I could see a future with. Obviously, at the beginning, it can take time to tell if you can see the R going anywhere... I give it time, but the second I do not see long term potential, I just would not bother.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 A married female friend of mine recently told me, "In a relationship, one person always loves the other more, even if just a little." I am sure that could be argued for or against unendingly, but there is no doubt that in a dynamic where the discrepancy of caring and investment is wide, then it causes tension, unhappiness, and ultimately, often a termination of the relationship. People have different value systems. Some people are actively looking for "the one," others are intent on having basic companionship and/or physical needs met for whatever term. Others may think they are looking for short term until they meet a person who they feel so strongly about, they start wanting a bigger level of commitment. Do people stay with a partner who they know they don't want a long term future with? Sure. It's happened to me. And I agree that it is the person who "cares more" who should take the responsibility for ending it, if their needs aren't being met. The more emotionally invested partner has higher stakes. If the stakes aren't high, inertia and a disinclination to change is more likely. I don't judge my ex for the fact that he didn't love me. No one can make someone love someone else, and there really isn't any blame involved for that. I wish he'd been more consistent in his messages, but then again there were enough indicators present for me to know he was not in it for a life partnership, or at least not a life partnership with ME. I held on too long because I cared more. Darn this weak humanity. I am truly sorry to hear about your one sided relationship:( I am a person who cares very deaply about those I love. I have not been through the pain, of fully loving a man, who does not love me back. How long were you together? At the time, were you blinded to the fact he did not love you? Looking back, was it OBVIOUS that he did not love you?
thatone Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I think you answered your own question. Some men don't really know what they want. A relationship with a woman provides a sense of security and comfort. After so and so years, they've settled into a routine of being with one person. Yes, they might be stringing that person along, but they themselves don't really bother to think about taking it to the next step due to being " comfortable". Let's just call it laziness. The only person whocan break from this " comfortable" zone is the person being lead on, ie. the woman. If after so and so years, she decides she's sick of waiting around for a guy to pop the question, she has her own two feet that will lead her out the door. Yes it is a irrational decision to just pack up and leave, but nobody forced her to stay in a " marriage-less" position except for her own emotions and dependency on this relationship to go somewhere. Women need to more aware of who they're dating and whether they're wasting away their " eligible" years. If after the two, three year mark, nothing has come to fruition, they should consider bailing. There are men willing to " marry", in fact look at the ones who pop the question in less than half a year. ...all of which tells me you're like the men you're talking about. much more interested in the idea of marriage than the person sitting across from you.
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 A woman would marry a rich guy, then cheat on him behind his back and feel no remorse. If you see a guy with money with a girl, 9 out of 10 times, she does not think he is the "one", but still will be opening her legs for him....
stillafool Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I sincerely wonder why women cling to men who aren't meeting their needs. It's one thing if marriage isn't your goal or you don't really care about it and another to hold onto some dude who's not interested in marriage. Perhaps the way to shortcut this kind of issue is to ask the guy when you're ready for the next step. If he refuses, walk. Exactly! Don't wait around wasting time wondering when he will make his decision which will affect their future. Women should decide if he's the "one" and if not move on and not let him waste her years if marriage is her goal. Otherwise, you certainly cannot blame the man.
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I personally, never blame men, just shallow women. They use Men for money and attention, then turn around and call us names and show us disrespect. I have seen hundreds of times, married women, disrespecting their Men in public. It is like, a license to be a bitch, since he can't walk away right there from them and drop them like a bad habit. That is why men should never live with a woman or marry one, so they can walk out when ever and not look back. Will keep most bitches in check, since they will fear that Man will walk, if they show disrespect.
thatone Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Exactly! Don't wait around wasting time wondering when he will make his decision which will affect their future. Women should decide if he's the "one" and if not move on and not let him waste her years if marriage is her goal. Otherwise, you certainly cannot blame the man. and you sound like those men too. here's the disconnect. this will turn into one of those 'gender equality' threads here in a minute..... those men who have no intentions of marrying their long term gfs are no different from women for whom "marriage is their goal". those men want a girl around but aren't planning on signing their life away to any of them. those women want their white dress, rings, wedding pictures, and the ability to tell their friends that they're married but aren't really concerned with the men they date as much as themselves. this is the situation for slightly more than half of the adult population (the half that wind up divorced). tell me why, as a man, i should want this?
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