ConfoosedOne Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 My ex recently dumped me, about 3 days ago. She cried while doing so and kept saying she was sorry. I thought that maybe because of that crying, the No Contact rule wouldn't have to be that long. Unfortunately, she found out about the self-injuries I made to my head behind the scenes, and now it seems that she doesn't mind the rule at all. What should I do?!
Chi townD Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 stop hurting yourself....you scared the crap out of her. If you were able to do that to yourself, what are you capable of doing when she's around? Get professional help. And I mean that in the kindess of ways.
Author ConfoosedOne Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I know what you mean, and I am already taking action to get that professional help, but I wanna know what to do so she stops believing I'm some kind of freak.
mike588 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I know what you mean, and I am already taking action to get that professional help, but I wanna know what to do so she stops believing I'm some kind of freak. Stop doing it! Tell her once that your sorry...you were just upset and hurt and just lost it. If you keep telling her over and over and....over do it..act desperate she will think your wierd. The more you try to convince her the less she'll believe you.
Author ConfoosedOne Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 I already stopped. I already realized how stupid it was. And I'll take your advice.
mike588 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I already stopped. I already realized how stupid it was. And I'll take your advice. Remember....actions speak louder that words.
Author ConfoosedOne Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 But what I also wanna know is if my stupid action completely ruined my chances of getting back together with her...
mike588 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 But what I also wanna know is if my stupid action completely ruined my chances of getting back together with her... No. I don't see how it would or could unless you have a history of doing things like you said....such as when you had fights..arguements etc. Alot of people lose it when there stressed or really upset...just be glad you didn't hurt her.....then it would be game over. Read the threads/posts on here about No Contact and follow it! If you haven't already tell her your very sorry...it was stupid..you were upset and just lost it and you feel like an idiot ..please accept my apoligy and leave it at that. I've already said it before but don't over do it with sorrys and cry...plead beg etc.. you'll come across as weak and needy. HUGE TURN OFF!!! After your SINCERE apology leave her alone...give her time to "digest' it. Begging...pleading...Boo Hooing...acting desperate will only push her further away!!! Is that what you want???
Author ConfoosedOne Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 If anything...the last thing I would ever do is plead, beg, boo-hoo, and all that jazz. I KNOW that's a turn off lol. And she knows that I would never do anything to hurt her. I KNOW that as well. I have the utmost respect for her. But I feel like my crazy action prolonged the time-frame No Contact rule. That is NOT what I had in mind. I felt that I would wait a good 2-3 weeks to get in touch with her again, but now it seems like it's gonna take much longer for her to get over the fact that I hurt myself that one time. Apologizing to her about hurting myself - while that IS good advice - would break the No Contact period.
sweetheart5381 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 The fact that you hurt yourself is huge - how can you not be seen as a serious red flag if you will hurt yourself? I would run for the hills if I were her. You would too I bet. Put it this way, if you don't or can't love yourself (aka hurt yourself physically) how can you love another in a way that you will both feel satisfied and fulfilled? I may be crass in saying this, but please get some help before considering furthering this relationship.
jus d'orange Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Hey there, I know what you're going through, because I did something similar in response to the breakdown of the relationship. I instantly regretted it; it was something that I'd done many years earlier in similar situations of frustration and desperation. Not that it needs to be said, but you've got to stop. Nothing damages your self-esteem more. Get yourself into therapy or other professional help (it seems you're already doing), but this is a bad habit to get into. You need to grasp the reality and train yourself against going down that path again above all. It doesn't make you a bad person for doing this, but it is something that has to change before you can treat other people with respect, because the most important person to respect is yourself. The reason she wants to spend longer without contact is that she now feels an immense amount of guilt over the fact that she caused you enough pain for you to hurt yourself. You should not concern yourself with making contact. Right now, you need to spend an indefinite amount of time without, working through the healing process of the breakup, and coming to terms with what caused you to lash out against yourself physically. Best of luck to you. Try to view this breakup as an opportunity to get healthier emotionally in a way that you couldn't do in the relationship.
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