D-Lish Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I wouldn't have asked publicly, but since you're saying this so directly, does that mean your last date didn't go well? Well, don't get me wrong- I date, I go out on dates... But I don't trust anymore, and because of that, the chance of a date going "well" for me doesn't happen often. I'll friend zone them immediately, or I'll get involved and sabotage as soon as I start to feel vulnerable.
Tybalt Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 After reading this thread, I feel so wrong. Like, broken doll-like, smeared lipstick, limbs akimbo, mussed up hair wrong. I like it. 2
rickys Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 What's wrong if someone in 30 and still single? I don't think that there must be anything wrong.......
FrustratedStandards Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 YES! This is exactly my theory about men 30+ as well. And I really think it's true. Insofar, all my experiences has proven this to be true. Good men would be snatched up by that time. And if they aren't, then no one wants them (no one who isn't willing to settle anyway).
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 YES! This is exactly my theory about men 30+ as well. And I really think it's true. Insofar, all my experiences has proven this to be true. Good men would be snatched up by that time. And if they aren't, then no one wants them (no one who isn't willing to settle anyway). Meh... It totally depends on your definition of "good"...because a "good" man to a woman in her early-to-mid 20's is vastly different from a "good" man to a woman in her late 20's to 30's...but I merely speculate based on my limited observation of women...what women value in a "good" guy seems to be quite different as she ages... 2
Ursa Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I hope you can snap out of this belief. Me being almost 20 years older than you makes a difference in how I view the world. My focus is now all on work, I've given up on love. You shouldn't be at that point given your younger age. Don't give up, D. Just take a break to regroup.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I do think that women seriously underestimate the value of their youth, from a man's perspective. I think many women are told when they are young to focus on themselves. They focus on their education, they focus on their careers, with the intent of settling down when they are "established". What many women don't anticipate is that the pool of available men shrinks, because many men (not all) are attracted to younger women. Not always because of looks, but also because of their fertility. (I understand that a man's fertility declines as well, but from the man's perspective, one less fertile partner is better than BOTH partners with declining fertility). Many men in their 30s are already married or committed, and many of the remaining ones are focusing on younger women. There are still men out there that want women in their age group, though, just not as many. Many women in their 30s are also married or comitted Quiet Storm. I think the average age that men and women get married now-a-days is only seperate by 2 or 3 years and they are both statistically before the age of 30. ANd then men that are single have a difficult time of it as well. They aren't all, or even mostly, dating youngins. I also don't think women are ignorant about the whole youth thing. I just think today, women have more choices then they did a few decades ago and thsoe choices offer them more privilage in society then having to be forced to settle down when they are very young. The trade off to settle down early isn't nearly as great as it use to be for a variety of factors. Many men today don't exactly want to take care of a woman anyway, add in the fact that it's more common for older women to date and be with younger men then it use to be, add in the fact that male fertility has been more of a recent topic and will only grown in knowledge, I think you will see a lot more (and do see) alot more men and women paying attention to male fertility. Sure, there are some guys that like to live in a bubble about it BUT most of my male friends have at some point talked to me about concerns of not finding someone and starting a family before the age of 35. I don't think most guys that want to settle down are looking to wait until they are 40. And I am sure there are men looking for the eternal tree of life through women but I have learned that these men tend not to appriecate women nearly the same way men that enjoy women for who she is over her age do. They tend to have a more narrow scope of a woman and her worth. Which is the kind of man most women are going to steer clear from anyway. I think you had previously once talked about you and your husband and how your husband said something along the lines of how if he just met you at your age today, he wouldn't have been interested. I'm sorry but that's not the kind of man I would want to be with at all. I am truly not trying to insult you. Clearly you are okay with that but I would never want to be with a guy that thought I was less of a person or woman a few years down the line.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Nobody is damaged beyond repair, as long as they are willing to acknowledge and work on their issues. 2
grkBoy Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I just turned 30 last year so this doesnt apply to me but with women this is a different story from my own experiences. noticing women in this age I met are alcoholics, have multiple kids and no daddy helping out, or just old trust issues. its okay if she's 20+ and single but going in her 30s is a huge red flag Im sorry. I think this is a case of "you're meeting the wrong women". I've only seen four types of single women in their early 30s: 1. The party girls you seem to be meeting. Some are princesses who still only work hard on looking hot thinking some yuppie will marry and take care of them. Others already messed up their lives with too many bad decisions. 2. Childless educated professional women who seemingly place the bar way too high and/or use work as an excuse to avoid dating. They claim to death how there's no "decent men" out there, but seemingly have an excuse to reject every actual decent guy who comes along. Some also moan and complain why the guys they really want pass them up to chase "young, hot, and easy"...or why all the men they really like won't commit or are "man-children". 3. Recently divorced and/or broken up/burned women. They got married in their 20s, and things fell apart, or they had that solid LTR that they thought would lead to marriage, but it crashed and burned. Now she's 30, feeling worthless or angered at it all, and simply is trying to find herself. 4. Decent good women that guys seemingly pass up. Maybe they aren't skinny little things with flowing long hair, but they're not hippos with ugly faces. Perhaps they have too many brains for the guys they meet, and thus seemingly end up friendzoned by men in the same way nice guys get friendzoned...and these women are wondering how they're supposed to find men who will see them as "girlfriend potential", as opposed to "she's like the little sister I never had". After reading this thread, I feel so wrong. Like, broken doll-like, smeared lipstick, limbs akimbo, mussed up hair wrong. I like it. Beautiful photo though. 1
zengirl Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Maybe people who are perpetually single and miserable about it at 30 are messed up, but 30 isn't really that old. That's what I find most absurd here. I mean, if you want to do anything with your life, you have to jump-start your career in your 20s, and most people don't start "seriously looking" till 25 or so (in my peers I've noticed), at the earliest, though some 'fall into' their terminal relationship earlier when they just meet the right person, yes. Educated people generally take a little longer to settle down, but they're far more likely to stay married. In fact, the bride's age is a huge determiner of divorce potential---anything under 25 is 'danger territory' even with other good factors. Anyway, I have plenty of friends who didn't meet their live-in BFs or hubbies till after 30. All nice girls, but they weren't just going to settle for the first decent guy they met---they wanted a compatible lifetime partner.
FitChick Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 People who are married in their twenties are usually divorced in their forties.
FitChick Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I don't trust anymore, and because of that, the chance of a date going "well" for me doesn't happen often. I'll friend zone them immediately, or I'll get involved and sabotage as soon as I start to feel vulnerable. You are doing a disservice to men who sincerely want to have a relationship so you'd be better off not dating at all and wasting their time and yours. It might be more productive for you to just work hard and put money into your retirement account.
Quiet Storm Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I think you had previously once talked about you and your husband and how your husband said something along the lines of how if he just met you at your age today, he wouldn't have been interested. I'm sorry but that's not the kind of man I would want to be with at all. I am truly not trying to insult you DY, he tells me every day how good I look...so I think somehow I portrayed that wrong. We met in HS, have been together almost 21 years, and are both glad that we met and married young. When he said he wouldn't have considered me at 35, I think it was related to the # of sexual partners he assumed that I would have had by the time I reached 35 (he knows my sexual appetite, lol). As a man, he prefers that his wife has a low number of prior partners, and although his reasoning on that is debatable, it doesn't bother me. Everyone has preferences when it comes to a life partner, and that is one of his. If I had a high number, we wouldn't be compatible, because that would bother him. Lucky for us, I meet his criteria. My husband is a great husband, a great dad and we strive to do our best to meet each others needs on a daily basis. We are a happy couple, raising a happy family. We are honest with each other. We are realistic about aging. We both know that visually, we probably won't be as physically attractive at 50 as we were at 20, and that's okay with us. Our love is deeper than looks and our relationship and history have bonded us. However, when I am old, wrinkly and saggy, he will always have that vision of my bangin' young body in his mind. And that is perfectly OK with me. If my youth and looks are what snagged this awesome man, then I'll take that. I get the feeling that you think that if a man is initially attracted to a woman's looks, then that's all he wants her for. I disagree with that...my looks and body made him want to fnck me, but my heart and mind made him want to wife me. I understand that you would not want to be with a man like him because he occasionally watches porn, slaps my ass sometimes and may have some double standards about a woman's "number". So you keep searching for your perfect guy, and I'll keep enjoying my flawed, but lovable husband. 1
joystickd Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 DY, he tells me every day how good I look...so I think somehow I portrayed that wrong. We met in HS, have been together almost 21 years, and are both glad that we met and married young. When he said he wouldn't have considered me at 35, I think it was related to the # of sexual partners he assumed that I would have had by the time I reached 35 (he knows my sexual appetite, lol). As a man, he prefers that his wife has a low number of prior partners, and although his reasoning on that is debatable, it doesn't bother me. Everyone has preferences when it comes to a life partner, and that is one of his. If I had a high number, we wouldn't be compatible, because that would bother him. Lucky for us, I meet his criteria. My husband is a great husband, a great dad and we strive to do our best to meet each others needs on a daily basis. We are a happy couple, raising a happy family. We are honest with each other. We are realistic about aging. We both know that visually, we probably won't be as physically attractive at 50 as we were at 20, and that's okay with us. Our love is deeper than looks and our relationship and history have bonded us. However, when I am old, wrinkly and saggy, he will always have that vision of my bangin' young body in his mind. And that is perfectly OK with me. If my youth and looks are what snagged this awesome man, then I'll take that. I get the feeling that you think that if a man is initially attracted to a woman's looks, then that's all he wants her for. I disagree with that...my looks and body made him want to fnck me, but my heart and mind made him want to wife me. I understand that you would not want to be with a man like him because he occasionally watches porn, slaps my ass sometimes and may have some double standards about a woman's "number". So you keep searching for your perfect guy, and I'll keep enjoying my flawed, but lovable husband. Thats what real love is about accepting a person flaws and all
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 if a woman is still single past 30 something's wrong This is just brain-dead thinking. The "average" age at first marriage, for all women, is "26". The "average" age at first marriage, for women with a Master's Degree, is "30". The implication that "something's wrong" with, oh, say, HALF of all women who've earned a Master's Degree... is indicative of your not having a clue.
D-Lish Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 You are doing a disservice to men who sincerely want to have a relationship so you'd be better off not dating at all and wasting their time and yours. It might be more productive for you to just work hard and put money into your retirement account. I'm probably doing more of a disservice to myself by denying myself a loving relationship. I'm covered for retirement and I have 6 cats, but thanks for the advice.
SJC2008 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 When I signed up for online dating a little less than a year ago I was actually pleased to find out that there were a whole lot more 26-32 year olds that are single (obviously) and have no children. It's the era of the woman now. They are the majority of college graduates and are keen on being career settled before settling, nothing wrong with that. Besides, MANY people, too many for my liking, are divorced AT LEAST once. It's a statistical fact, google it yourself, that the older you are when you marry the more likely it is to succeed. That is ONE reason, there are many other possibilites, including being something wrong BUT it shouldn't be the 1st reason to suspect unless proved otherwise OP. Some people just slip throuth the cracks. Look at me (30 M) painfully shy and have made leaps and bounds this year due to determination to work on my shyness overall, and especially with women. And of course I cannot leave out thanks to the real loveshackers who give great advice and don't judge!!!
patagonia Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 As far as I'm concerned, this is good news then OP. This leaves more of the wonderful women in the age 30+ for me to choose from...of course they probably won't know you are gone anyways Some of the best women I've met have been in their 30's, single too. Just sayin'.
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