chise Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Hello, I met this guy some time ago in a club. We went out three times and we slept together the three of them. We are not very close but we text sometimes and we are friends on FB. And yes, I have a crush on him But I am very confused because he is always telling me things like let's try to meet up, i would love to see you blah blah but he is always busy. So I understood he is not that interested ... he told me that maybe we could meet this week but all seems to be a problem and i do not want to force anything or fill a gap in his schedule. So i said that i cannot make it and see you around. At this point I was done with him. And he texted back saying i will see you when you are back then (i am going on holiday). WTF ?? Why is he leading me on ? If he had real interest he would find time .. so i do not see him gaining nothing here. He keeps saying (without me asking) that he wants to meet up but then .. nothing. Why guys do that ? I am confused and a bit annoyed.
veggirl Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 He wants the NSA sex, and you have been giving it to him The question is, why do you respond to him? If you don't want this situation to continue (it sounds like you don't, and you definitely aren't going to get what you want out of him/it), then why allow it to? Just don't respond to him and don't reach out to him. He is "leading you on" because you allow him to. I don't know if it's leading you on though, you know the situation and are giving him what he wants, of course he is going to come back for that.
TheFinalWord Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Why is he leading me on ? If he had real interest he would find time .. so i do not see him gaining nothing here. He keeps saying (without me asking) that he wants to meet up but then .. nothing. Why guys do that ? I am confused and a bit annoyed. He is trying to tie you up emotionally so he can have sex on command...it's called emotional manipulation. If you sense you are being lead on you probably are. Casual sex is one thing...if you aren't in the mood he can't have it. But if he ties you up emotionally you'll be at his beckon call. Sorry to tell you that. Don't play along; you're better than that!
dasein Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 There is no "leading on" nor disrespect here at all, just two people who have willingly engaged in casual sex and one of them has developed a crush. End of story. As others say, if you are unhappy with the situation, stop continuing it.
Author chise Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 I see what you mean ... Sure that we slept together but he knows that i am not willing to do it on his terms. And he is not getting sex either as we do not even see each other. Every time he tries to see me at the last minute I said no. I know it is also my fault and if he is not interested he will never be. I was just puzzled by his messages. I do not even think he wants sex. We could have it is he plays his cards better so I just do not get it.
dasein Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 This is not a good basis for a casual sexual relationship because your feelings are involved. Next time, don't sleep with a man you like until you are sure he is on the same page and worth your time. This guy you have slept with and developed a crush on sounds like mostly a stranger or extended ONS based on your posts. Not a good recipe for getting a BF if that's what you are after.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 He's already had your vagina, you made it super easy the first, second and third time around that he's not even willing to put forth the effort to get it again. What don't you get about that? You're just a booty call and you're not even worth the effort for him to really put any moderate effort into getting into bed again, you're just a back-up plan, a sure thing If he feels like filling your head with BS one day so you'll come on over and put out again. Where's the mystery? 1
Author chise Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I get it and i think i always knew it. I was as easy as he was but i understand that he could lose respect and/or interest because of that. It is just a bit hurtful to think that someone thinks you are not worth more that being a back-up. This is why I said no to him. I was maybe wrong but i started to realize that he was just contacting me without notice and late in the evening. And i told him that i do not want to be treated this way. I just wanted him to show a bit of interested and put some effort. I didn't want to feel like a prostitute. I would probably accepted a fwb situation (and it would be probably a mistake too) but his terms were not good for me. But he keeps on going saying that he wants to see me and when i say yes, all the BS starts again and now he knows i am not in for it. I guess the bottom line is he does not give a crap and what i think/want or feel is irrelevant.
TeeZee Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Yes, trying to "understand" what is going on in his mind is pointless, and often a difficult thing for people to understand, even me. I'm awesome in bed, but have had women disappear without a word. It's crazy, but that's life. Forget about him unless he is willing to meet you closer to what you want, and it seems like that is not likely.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 You always knew it Chise, you know when something isn't right...women have a great intuition about these things you just gotta be brave enough to accept it and strong enough to follow through beyond your emotions. A guy that is interested in you is obviously not going to treat you this way, so don't give yourself the run-around by playing games trying to figure out If there some way you can contort you mind into accepting what he is doing is somehow in some twisted way that he is really interested in you. You can't make a guy want to put the effort, because you can't make a guy more interested in you than he is. Plus you met at a club, that's a first sign at least that it probably isn't something people are going to look for long-term relationships, even though it can happen, you can't really take a hook-up at a club as serious as a guy who's showing genuine interest. He's just trying to keep you under his thumb, just enough for you to stick around and not run away since you put out easily. Don't take it for anything more than that, don't get into it with him and try to make him care or show some care for you, you're basically forcing a man to lie so he can meet your demands and pretend he actually cares. I know it's hurtful but it has to be more hurtful to let yourself be played for a fool, love yourself more than letting some stranger control you, he's using you as a piece of meat. At least do things on your own terms, even though I understand that saying this to you is much easier than you doing it, but you've gotta develop some more self-respect, men aren't going to satisfy it for you and make you feel the way you want them do, they can't fill that void of insecurity, they'll just make it even worse.
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