Why can't I do the no contact thing?

[sweetie7]

Why can't I do this no contact thing? My ex and I went out for almost 3 years and we were best friends in the world. I honestly know he is my soul mate, nobody knows me better and I have never been able to let my walls down and feel the way I do with him. For 3 years he has comforted me and loved me and now in my greatest time of need I am alone. I'm at school and it's summer and barely anyone is here. Everywhere I go I'm surrounded by memories of him. He wants to be my friend, he wants to help me, and I'm letting him. And I hate myself for it. Every time I'm around anyone else, I either act like I'm okay and moving on (my girlfriends) or I get really irritable and bitchy (my family) It's so hard for me to tell my friends bc they have never seen me so happy as I have been the past 3 years and I don't want them to know that my relationship seems to be all a lie. And my parents just want to help but I feel soo annoyed with them, I don't know why. SO I keep going back and crying to my ex. I'm constantly changing my story-on the one hand, I do want him to think I'm okay without him and I'm doing great-on the other, I want him to know how hurt I am and how much he means to me. It's hard enough to lose a bf but to lose the one person you can talk to non-stop and feel safe with is hell. Why do I think the one who hurt me so badly can help me through this? I know it won't work. But I'm here and I Have to work with him, at his work place with him as my boss. Other than that, I hang out by myself. I'm so lonely and sad and I don't know how to get through this. I also feel like he doesn't deserve this-he hurt me so bad, now he needs to know what it's like without me...it's not fair that he can have the best of both worlds after what he's done. Ahh what can I do?

[dudesomewhere]

I just think you're a communicator. Some people are communicators, others aren't. Those who are love to communicate, they wish to know, to understand and to let others know and understand as well. They don't want to be kept in the dark and neither do they want to keep others in the dark. It is your nature I think, it is my nature I know

 

It's always ok to still feel something for someone, even if they have betrayed you because you were not the one doing the betraying. It is when you love yourself more that the scales start to tip back in your favor and gives you the strength you need.

 

gl