Can women love 2 guys at the same time (kind guy vs. bad boy)?

[Kohlminery]

Suppose an insecure 28 year old girl with history of failed manipulative relationships meets a "bad boy" on a rebound and who lives in another country, and she gets immediately turned on by their chemistry and by a "dream" to be with him and does everything to move to his country for a year.

 

Then in the process, she meets a kind, safe guy, with whom she gets emotionally attached but not as much on the physical part (although they slept together). She knows the nice guy is the right one for her in the long term but is still hanging on that 1 year dream with the bad boy she's attracted to.

 

Can a girl say to herself "OK I will go live my dream with the bad boy, kind of a one-year bachelor party before settling down with the nice guy? And if he's not willing to wait then it wasn't meant to be?"

 

Basically my ex is the girl, and I'm the kind guy. Now we broke up.

 

Not sure if she's having her "hooray" time before settling down, or if she is testing him on the emotional level and would eventually forget about me once he delivers. She tried to lie to me about hanging out with him but I caught her immediately. So I broke it off and she attempted to recontact me but I barely replied so she stopped.

 

I'm going NC on her so I can heal myself but can't lie and say I'm completely over her. Please let me know what goes on in her f'd up brain?!

[Philosoraptor]

It's a hard truth but she wasn't happy with what you had to offer if she left. Furthermore why wait around for someone who made the choice to leave? Anyone can tell and convince themselves of anything, not your job to wait around. If she doesn't take the time to mature she will bounce away again as fast as she comes back.

 

Take the time to heal yourself and find an emotional adult to get into a relationship with.

[Kohlminery]

P.S. her decision 2 months ago was to be with me, but I caught her lying about seeing her ex twice, so I broke it off.

She wanted to lead a double life, but not sure if to have fun before coming back to me as if she was faithful all along or to test the other guy.

[Philosoraptor]

Well then you can see her character. Is that something you can deal with in the long run? Will you be able to let things go or be constantly worried when she gets a text or you have to work late?

[TaraMaiden]

well...."Cake", and "eat it" spring to mind....

 

Be the priority and not the option.

If it's clear you're the latter - don't even go there.....

[carhill]

There's a difference between loving someone and that dynamic being healthy. In this instance, it's not so much that the girl lusts after a bad boy in a foreign country while keeping company with the good boy at home but rather the psychology which facilitates her doing that; a psychology which generally would be incompatible for long-term monogamous relations if her partner was not like-minded.

 

I've loved a few like that over the decades. It's refreshing to be out of that prison. Good luck.

[PegNosePete]

Basically my ex is the girl, and I'm the kind guy. Now we broke up.

Dude, you didn't need to tell us that. I'm sure everyone guessed it from the subject line even before reading the post. I know I did.

 

Never make someone a priority if they only see you as an option. Why on earth would you put up with being treated like that? She has no respect for you. She is your ex. NC her and move on dude.

[Chi townD]

Dude, don't wait on this girl to "get it out of her system" Her actions were deceitful and selfish. She want the bad boy and she went through hoops to get him at the expense of your feelings. You're right to go NC on this girl. But, don't worry. You didn't lose anything. As soon as this guy starts treating her like dirt. She's going try to make contact with you. DON'T BUY INTO IT!!! Ignore her.

 

I don't get girls half the time. They have a great guy right in front of them yet they want the "bad boy". However, the funny thing is, if they're a know he's a bad boy and they have the reputation of being a bad boy. Logic would dictate that it's only a matter of time before they start treating them BADLY!!!!...Uggh.

[ThatDudeXO]

She's not the 'one' for you. You're not right for her as she isn't right for you. It's best if you forget about it and move on.

 

In my opinion love needs full blown emotional and physical attraction to be true. I think she just views you as the safe bet while she just wants to have horny fun with the other guy.

 

Just find yourself someone better before you become the 2nd option, otherwise she will lose respect for you as you will for yourself.

[rach24680]

Its a tough one to call cos ur oresuming her feelings. The fact that shes broke up with u for someone else doesnt sound great!! it doesnt matter who the person is good or vad, i belueve you can definately live two ppl at the same time but ultinately theres guna be one you stick with. As for waiting fir this girl who has dumped you to be with a nob who lives in another country for a year till she decides its not working and shes got a good guy whis stupid enough to wait till shes done with her other fella..... See where im giin? Dont let her walk all over you, gurls like this make me feel sick and she should make you feel sick! dont contact her and definately mive on, dont wait fir her soynds like she doesnt deserve you!!