tornangel Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 this is my letter to my ex that was in afghan for 6 months and I waited 6 mo on him , he drove me to splitting it off 2 wks before he came home by constantly accusing me of cheating, and I wasnt ... I dont know if i should send it, well it seems this is the only way to release all of the pain inside of me. I am sure u really could care less that u have made me suffer and probably actually get off over it.The fact that u broke my heart. Well that would be a damn understatement. I waited for you what seemed like forever. I loved u for so long with every part of me.I feel lost without u and sooo empty insdie. My stomach hurts and my heart aches. Nobody knows the pain I feel inside.. I feel so horrible. u left me , again. again, I am not even sure why I still love u or miss u because u never did me. I somehow have to heal someday, then try to forgive myself or you or what ever. U dont really seem to care what u do to people. My heart hurts for the fact that u abandoned me this time, and then made fun of me and laughed as my heart bleeds out. I am sooo god damn hurt. I wanna be numb, I no longer want to feel anymore. My heart is torn, torn so badly. Is beyond repair. I am supposed to play ur game right? Pretend I am strong, that I am okay and tough right? Like everything between us was nothing... That u never scared me or left bruises on me or evenmore that u never abandoned me. I look at other guys and only see u. I want this hurt to go away. God I would give anything to go back and change the night I met you. I would make that I never did. Other than our son. I hurt sooo bad. My heart has never hurt so bad..But it is a joke to you. Why did u do this to me? I can have guys easily, but they werent u. I love u damnit. And I know it is so bad that I still love u because u hurt me bad... I hope that u find the girl u really trust, love and respect if u havent already.I hope that she makes u happy and that u are proud of her, since u never could be me. I am sorry I was never good enough for u or ur family. I hope u find someone u can be proud to have around ur family. i wish u happiness. Well it seems u are already happy now and I am suffering. U drove me sooo far away with ur mistrust of me. I thought it would change u. But I guess it never would. U never respected me anyways, or Heather. Maybe it was us right? Not so sure about that. U emotionally abused the both of us and in the end did the same thing to us, You always seem to be MIA. U ****in left me alone soooo many times. It ****n hurts to think how many nights I have cried over you. And whats even worse is that I cry still : ( I dont get it. And probably never will. U never even said u were coming home. I am sure u were preoccupied. U said u were around people who actually care about you, Funny where were they for the last six months when u were in Afghan? Why didnt they answer ur calls? This pain u gave me by not caring if I exist is the coldest thing ANYONE has ever done to me. But u have it in ur head that it was all my fault. U constantly degraded me, u completley used me and never supported me or tried to help me better my education or anything. U bailed out and left me in the ****n dust when I needed u most. I trusted u soo many times god damnit. I didnt want anyone else. And I hate you for alll this. Making me leave , pushing me away, leaving me, hurting me...... So I hope u will and are happy now, because u have completley broken my heart. I hope that feeds ur ego and u can laugh at me again for telling u how much I hurt. I know I can never be with u again after this abandonment ... I loved u more than any woman ever could. I wish u the best. U have killed everything inside of me.U were my soulmate and my soul is dead now. U were all I wanted , but u were never there......I struggle now just to breathe... I no longer care about anything anymore. I hate it. I wish I had no heart. I wanted to have u support me, I wanted to compete. I wanted u on my side. I lost u long ago. When u left me so many times before. So easy for you. When I was pregnant, on xmas. God makes me wanna puke thinkin about it all. I will never trust a man again. I will die alone. I hate men and I dont believe anyone loves anyone.... Other than kids. I am sure u had our son playin house with u and ur skanks. ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I just want all the pain to go away...Before I met u I still could trust, I could love. Now---- It hurts to breathe............. U never never loved me,,, No way could raise ur hand to hurt me like u did or leave me so many times like this : ( ..... I hope ur happy .....
rach24680 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I read the first few lines then stopped. Dont send this letter because straight away all ur doin is making him feel like crap, he wont read it - hel prob jst throw it away!! dnt give him the satisfaction of knowing how upset u are. Blaming him for everything isnt guna make him come back to u or say, u know what shes right!! itl only make u feel worse if he doesnt reply n uv poured ur heart out. I really dnt think u should send it!! 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 DO . NOT. SEND. Seriously. You want to feel closure, to let him know how badly he hurt you... The thing is, he probably does not care. You need to BE STRONG, and focus on picking yourself up, and getting back on with YOUR life. Really. Do not be concerned with interferring with HIS life. Focus on your own. ..PLZ do not send..... 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Please, please don't send it. You will regret it badly soon after 1
shayla Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Don't send that letter. Do not contact him for any reason. Ignore him if he tries to contact you. you have alot of healing to do and you need to be around people who love and care for you. Do not waste another minute on him. Use your energy to heal. If this man is as cruel as you say, there is nothing that would stroke his ego more than to know that you feel like you could never love anyone else, that he has ruined you, and all the things we feel when we have been hurt. But I can guarantee you. You will get through this. It may take time, and a long time. But you will get through it, you will live well, you will meet a better man, you will love again. But from now until then, you have to heal. 1
radiodarcy Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 noooooo. if you want to write it just to get everything out fine. but whatever you do don't send it to him. your head may know better than to expect a response. but your heart doesn't. should you decide to send it - - you're going to throw yourself into the agonizing waiting game where you keep checking your email every five minutes for a response. save yourself the agony and additional pain and don't do it. just continue to get your feelings out by posting here. anything you have to say to him you can post on the "post here instead of contacting your ex thread": http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex
jus d'orange Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Agreed with everyone else here; do not send! You've gotten your thoughts out on paper/computer screen, which is all that matters. Say and write all that you need to say, addressed to him, but don't involve him in any way. You need to move on, and you need to reach closure and peace with yourself, not him. Walk away from this with your head held up in dignity. Do not lower yourself by sending this or making other such contact. You need to come to terms this all on your own (but you can/should talk to family and friends who are willing to listen). Maybe a long time from now, you could return to this situation with maturity and clarity, and say what you need to say, but that time, should it ever arrive, will need to be years down the road. If you keep your self-respect and focus on yourself right now, you will be very glad in the long run. If you send this or make other such contact, it will be something you can never take back. Read around here; everyone regrets such contact after a breakup.
volkl1996 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Agreed with everyone else here; do not send! You've gotten your thoughts out on paper/computer screen, which is all that matters. Say and write all that you need to say, addressed to him, but don't involve him in any way. You need to move on, and you need to reach closure and peace with yourself, not him. Walk away from this with your head held up in dignity. Do not lower yourself by sending this or making other such contact. You need to come to terms this all on your own (but you can/should talk to family and friends who are willing to listen). Maybe a long time from now, you could return to this situation with maturity and clarity, and say what you need to say, but that time, should it ever arrive, will need to be years down the road. If you keep your self-respect and focus on yourself right now, you will be very glad in the long run. If you send this or make other such contact, it will be something you can never take back. Read around here; everyone regrets such contact after a breakup. You did a pretty cool thing in putting your thoughts, how you feel and the like "on paper". Good for you! Leave it there, maybe even save it to look back on at a future date. But leave it there and do not send it.
Author tornangel Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Thank u for all of ur replys , really it means so much to me. I know that my mind is not right at the moment and he doesnt deserve even a thought from me. I wish I could honestly change my thinking , but grief sometimes does just this I guess. I feel I am blaming myself for alot right now, and thinking he will replace me with a wonderful woman who respects herself. And since I didnt respect myself and demanded it in the end ( I had started ) then he couldnt handle it and degraded me worse than ever. So I guess I think he will find a wonderful woman who has an amazing job and he will treat her great. Ugggh. I wish I didnt focus on him at all. He has abandon me sooo many times before, I am not sure why this one hurts so bad. Maybe its because I told him I am done for good. When he talked to me on the phone last week, he said he wanted to get along and be friends and talk about stuff, I said helll no. He said he wanted to see me and I said hell no. I ended it for good and it was my choice. After all of this I feel I am completley broken because I wanted it different. we have a 2 yr old son, I wanted us to work. But I am having a hard time protecting my self right now : ( I know we are no good together. I started getting therapy and having a great relationship with myself and this is where it really ended. I wonder constantly about him, and check his fb and stuff. Ruminating--- unhealthy. He will be going back to Afghanistan soon, like in a few days. And I think that will really help me when he leaves. I dont want to hate him , but feel that is my only chance of not being weak and letting him back in. I think about the times he drove me down the road and threatened to drown me, or how scared I was of him. Then I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. He was abusive physically, mental, and sexual. Like what is really wrong with me. Are these the kinds of guys I will always end up with, Anymore I am wondering if I have BPD or something. I ended it with him, and then I am all torn up. What the hell. Can anyone please tell me what is wrong with me. Me feeling thois way really makes me think I am completely damaged like he said, I am nuts like he said, or I dont love myself or feel I deserve love : ( That hurts to write. I feel the last to be most true. It hurts. I feel I am losing my identity again or lost some of it to him. Uggghhh. Sorry to ramble. I am just sooo confused
marqueemoon4 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I have a hard time believing that profile pic is her.. has spambot written all over it.
upsilon Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 am so sorry he hurt you that bad. Sometimes after a separation it is had to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know how it feels like because i am going through a break-up myself. Try journaling all those feelings but do not sent that letter. Vent it all out in your private journal and don't give him a feeling that he has finally detroyed you. Keep your head up and try to stay strong for your son.
Author tornangel Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 It is okay. I know I have some healing to do and as hard as it is I am gonna do everything to take my power back and get the love I deserve in life. From myself first : ) It will be a long road, but I know it is my road to travel and only I have the power to make myself feel happy or how I let others affect me.
volkl1996 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Wow, you are very attractive! Once you get to a healthier state.... Just kidding of course. Hang in there, things will get better with time.
nathan23 Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 That is exactly how i am feeling and if it were me i would want to send it to hopefully to make the other person feel as s*#t as i do, but i must agree that it should not be sent. You sound like you and i are going through the same sort of thing and it hurts just to think of them. You can't eat you can't sleep but please don't put all us men in the same boat. ther are some good and careing men in this world and i'm sure the right on for you is in it.
Author tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Nathan, I never sent it. he left for afghan this morning. and he tried to call me last night, and I declined. This was after his Not contacting me for 4 days. I am not ready to date by any means. I have things to work on with myself first before I even think of another relationship. Or I feel I will attract the same kind of man. I want to take amazing care of myself , since I have been so hurt by this guy . I need to work on boundaries and self respect from me and others. I think we attract who we are, if that makes any sense. Or sometimes we attract what we lack. Because normally healthy people attract healthy people and so on. Honestly even if a healthy person gets with an unhealthy one, they love THEMSELVES enuf to get the heck away when red flags go up. And those red flags are usually always there ya know. I have lost past of my identity with my ex. And I started changing when people started telling me I wasnt good enuf. And now I am stuck with their image of who I should be until I get back to who I am . And that is what I know to be most true. If I am not good enuf for someone maybe they need to find someone else who meets their damn standars. I am me. I love me. I am gonna be me no matter how much someone tries to change that . I will NEVER lower myself for another person. I am a great person and I deserve happiness. Sometimes u have to forget how we feel and remember what we deserve : ) Life is short. The best relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. and besides once u love urself , u more than likely will not want ur wife any longer or need her approval... 1
Author tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Also I think he was a Narrcassist because he sent me a text saying ,, that we could only be friends and he was sorry LOL,. This was a week after NC from him him asking to have sex with me. I did reply to him .. TO get the hell over himself , and I never said I wanted to go back to him ( I am the one who left him) and that I never wanna be friends with him because he treated me sooo bad. So I may have hurt his fragile ego (doubt it) for a half a second. But it doesnt matter because selfish people will always be that.. Selfish!!!! He is def not a good person in my book.. For so many reasons. And I am soooo much better than missing him or feeling sorry for him.
Nancy B Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Don't send it. Keep it. And if you write more letters keep them in the same place. As you go through healing process look at those letters from time to time and remember how strong you have become. Be thankful that you did not give him the satisfaction of making you this distraught. 2
Author tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Wow Nancy that is a great idea. i guess sometimes when we feel our weekest that is actually when we are the strongest. amazing how that works..I have been healing a broken heart and it was soooo hard not to break when he contacted me over the last few wks. But I knew that I had to move on and take care of me, no matter how bad that hurt. I suffered physical and emotional abuse from him for 4 yrs, so I know that thinking isnt always rational after leaving the abuser : ( The first thing we normally do is blame ourselves for what our mind cant deal with ( the abuse from someone who supposedly loved us) and they take our identity as well. So alot of healing needed, And I have been a strong enuf woman to love myself no matter the cost in the end : )
mississippimom Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I will have to agree with everyone on this as well. This will HELP you tremendously, write a letter but DO NOT SEND it. Write it on your PC, you can even save it if you want and anytime you want to contact the guy, go to your letter and read it...it will help you remember why you broke things off with the guy. You will be surprised on how many raw emotions you are having right now. I did my "letter" last night and I didn't realize how much of my emotions were bottled up! Jot down all of your emotions, but like everyone else has said, DO NOT SEND IT. 1
heatherfeather Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Does anyone have a copy of this Ebook? I know alot of people think it is a scam but I would really like to read it. Thanks!
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