xztjohn Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I broke up with my ex and wanted her back. her guy roomie convinced her to dump me and he got with her and started to take her out on dates. fast forward now she put me through hell strung me along, had sex with this guy and dated him soon after our break up. she really put me through hell and sent me harsh emails. before jt was a rebound but now idont think so. its been 5 or 6 months now, with the last 2 months having minimal contact. she still calls me through unknown and text me randomly from time to time about nonsense. all i really want is for her to one day realize the hell she put me through i had trouble sleeping, losing weight, tearing up, had to see a psychologist. i would respect her alot more and prob wouldnt hurt as bad if she didnt start dating this guy so soon. there was so much drama, she kept calling me and texting me while she was seeing this guy. i just want her to feel the pain she caused me and be truly truly sorry and learn from it. a part of me wants karma to bite both of them in the ass. the break up made me little bitter. this is my first break up btw and we are both 20 years old. what she did to me hurt so bad, but i made it a positive and made all aspects of my life better. i just want her to be really sorry for what she did.
jus d'orange Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Try not to worry about whether she feels sorry or not. If she does, it may not be for a long time. If she doesn't, well... that sucks for her. She's just not a very good person then. Regardless, it shouldn't change how you view life. The relationship ended because it did... if her reasons were bad and she treated you badly, then that alone is a reason that you should be glad you are rid of her. From here on out, you've got a new path in life to strike. How do YOU want it to be? She's not relevant to your future. 2
Philosoraptor Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 You can't worry about her feelings, she cut the cord. You need to worry about yourself as you don't need her to be sorry for you to forgive her internally. People make mistakes and hurt others constantly. Holding onto the hurt only allows the actions of others to continue to bring us pain. 2
mike588 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 My ex. g/f dumped me in a very cruel way 7 months ago and I was heartbroken...she dumped me for her ex. A day or two after the b/u she responded to an email I sent her saying she's sorry for hurting me and explaining that she just had to go back. I went N.C. believing I'd never hear from her again...well last month she sent me an email then left me a note full of I'm sorrys...regrets..that I was so good to her blah blah blah. I made me feel good for her to say that and knowing she was most likely guilt ridden for some time but it also set me back alittle....stirred up all those emotions again after I was pretty much over her.
Author xztjohn Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 oh i see how long were you guys going out for?
Chs Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I'm sure they have some regret, but when the emotions are gone it's hard to REALLY care. I'm sure you have tried or will try that yourself. My current ex did the same as you, we broke up because of another guy and she started dating very shortly after (however not the guy we broke up over, thank you jealousy) And when i asked her if it was true she was dating she refused to answer me. Weeks later we talked about it and she just told me the reason she would act cold or pretend it was nothing is because she knows it hurts me and that's of course not something she wants to be responsible for, however in a break up you have to think of yourself and not your ex partner and if dating someone new is the right thing for them, well then it just is that way. But im sure they don't do anything to hurt us, and i know it is NOT fun to be on the other side either. Even if you catch feelings for someone else it does not mean the old ones automatically dissapear on the same day, and having to deal with your own emotions of caring for something of the past while making it work with someone in the moment can be very taxing too. Therefor she will probably not have emotional surplus to take care of your feelings aswell as her own, and she shouldn't have to. Hope i made a little sense with my rambling, im feel for you and it always sucks to be left behind for someone else. 1
mike588 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 oh i see how long were you guys going out for? One year. Like I said earlier we were friends many moons ago and I always liked her back then. I was..it was so comfortable hooking up with her again because we already knew each other and it was great talking about the "old days"
ctes300 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Your best revenge is to start living your own life as best you can. Learn from the situation and try not to make the same mistakes again. How could you not see this room-mate's motive? Anyway, she banged someone else. Why would you want her back? NC and move on. Trust me, you will be happier.
Author xztjohn Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 well we dated way before they moved in, sje lives with 3 other girls and 4 other guys. there are times where i miss her like right now. do u guys think i should unblock her from fb or leave it as it is? i konda want to give her a random text saying do you feel bad or sorry for how you acted and did post break up?
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 You said you initially dumped her. Did you break up with her and then she got together with someone else? Are you sure this is not a case of you broke up with her, got a case of regret, then wanted her back only to find out she had hooked up with someone else? Maybe you broke up with her, and she hooked up with someone else, you found out and that inspired your change of mind? If you were the one that broke up with her first, what she has done since isn't something she should be apologizing for.
Author xztjohn Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 i wanted her back like a day after, wanted to work things out. this was like less than a day, we were working things out but her guy roomie convinced her to break up with me and went after her soon after the break up. im fine if she didnt want to be with me, but i didn like how she kept calling me, texting, and emailin me giving mixed signals like she wanted to get back, while i was trying to get over her by ignoring her.
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 i wanted her back like a day after, wanted to work things out. this was like less than a day, we were working things out but her guy roomie convinced her to break up with me and went after her soon after the break up. im fine if she didnt want to be with me, but i didn like how she kept calling me, texting, and emailin me giving mixed signals like she wanted to get back, while i was trying to get over her by ignoring her. Well, you broke up with her first. I am assuming it was for a reason. She doesn't owe you an explanation for anything she did seconds/hours/days after you did that. She may be stringing you along now, but that's because you allow her to do so. You had the power when you let her go, you have since lost it. You want her back, but breaking up with her is going to change the game. You've let her know you aren't in it for the long haul. You changed everything when you dumped her and then decided you didn't mean it a day later. You hurt someone, they reacted, and sometimes you have to reap the consequences of a hasty decision. 1
Author xztjohn Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 yeah i dont regret tho, it was for the better. my life improved ten folds grades, social skills, friends, confidence, career focused, and closer with my friends. i just didnt like how she treated me and i did my best to not get strung along i just straight up ignored most of her advances, but i gave in. now tho i have no desire to contact her, she still contacts me from time to time but i just ignore it. her latest text says "i hope you are happy.." what do u think thats all about?
rickys Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 She will not sorry you for her thing. it seems that she has no respect for you and your love. So, it's better for you to forget your past and move on completely...
Kamila Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 My ex-bf also texted me something like 'I hope you are happy and find what you are looking for...' that was a year ago... Like you I also made a decision that unleashed hell on me. You don't know until you pull the trigger and see what happens. But what you have to keep in mind, is the 'why' of your decision. You broke up with her for certain reasons, list them, analyse them. What did she do that made you unhappy ? Was it something you could have worked upon or were they real dealbreakers for your relationship ? But at the end of the day, you still have regrets of what ifs. That's understandable, I have them too. What if I had shown more patience, what if I just shut my mouth and never stood up for myself ? Is it better to be in an unhealthy relationship than being alone ? I chose the latter, not because it was an option, but because we had to. Our instincts took over and a decision has been made, how hasty or impulsive it was, we made that decision and our partners didn't do anything to stop it. A week later I had regrets that I did react too soon about breaking up. I didn't pronounce the words 'sort off', we just had a huge fight about our future and hurtful things were said on his part. We meet that week later and he said he had been seeing someone else. So, according to you, who was more devoted to the relationship ? Me that jumped the gun, panicked and lashed out on him ? Or him running over to some girl instead of dealing with the issues ? It's not because you're the so-called dumper that you should carry the load of the whole relationship. Everyone has their responsibilities. If there has been a fight or maybe a break-up fight, it's not a reason to sleep around. If your ex-gf had sex with someone else so soon after your relationship had 'ended', I would try to minimize this contact with her. She shouldn't have had sex with someone else. She should have tried to calm down and to see things into a new light instead of taking the easy way out and trying to erase what she had with you by having sex with a friend of hers. You don't simply erase emotions. And her trying to contact you, well she knows you're a good person, and she cares for you, maybe she even regrets certain things (that can't be undone). 1
Author xztjohn Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) wow i really liked ur last paragraph, honestly what i wanted was a break. i feel like i have learned so much from the break up and changed for the better that it was worth it in my opinion. if things would have kept going the way it had and me still being the same person and not learning anything that would have really sucked. i did break up with her for reasons and i felt that it was needed, but i just didnt like how she acted post break up. i really thot she was better than that, i would hVe preferred it if she took a route similar to mines, let things cool off and learn from it. because of what she did After i really lost alot of respect about her. i dont really respect her as a person. its a shAme things turn out the way they did because she was a really good girlfriend. she has been sending me random text these past months like hope you aredoing well and can you call me i need help with hw. the he one they were lame questions that any of her other friends coild have answered. i still get random unknown calls. what do u think that is all about? Edited March 6, 2012 by xztjohn
Kamila Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Post break-up regrets ? Feeling lonely, having to face yourself in the mirror everyday, reaching out for help ? It could be a mix of everything. Still, you are both young and your personalities and goals will be forged through the years that will come. You'll learn new people, have new experiences, you'll hurt and come to your conclusions and grow as a person. But beware, some experiences in youth can't be undone and leave horrible scars. Sleeping around can backlash at a certain age and you'll realise what you've done and have to live with that. Respect is also one of those things that stay constant throughout our lives, if you don't respect yourself now, you won't be able to grow and learn from your mistakes. I think your ex-gf has a lot of thinking to do right now.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 In answer to your initial question xzt some ex's do some ex's don't. I think you have three types of ex's. 1) The one's the treat us like crap and move on without a care in the world, who eventually get their just desserts in life (Karma). They are selfish egotistical people, with undeserved superiority complex(s). 2) The one's that feel regret and reach out to the dumpee. They want to alleviate their own guilt. They too are selfish as by breaking NC, many times it hinders the dumpee's recovery.. 3) There are dumpers that feel genuine regret but don't reach out to an ex, because they are putting their ex first. These are good hearted people who may have been acting out of character or just in a bad place in their lives. I know what your thinking. How do I know if you have an ex that's 1 or 3. The simple answer....It doesn't matter... I have the first one....do they really get their karma?
shayla Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I don't think so....for me, my ex had no thought or remorse over anything he did, and he is happy as can be. I don't think there is any such thing as karma or he would have suffered it long ago. I think that most people aren't sorry about the hurt they caused because in their minds they have done nothing wrong. They rewrite the relationship in their heads and they can justify everthing they did, no matter how rotten it was. My ex still lies about what he did in our relationship and he dumped me over a year ago. It's so important to him that no one really knows what happened because he wants to be seen as a nice guy. He gets what he wants with absolutely no consequence. This is why I don't believe in karma. 1
Ajax Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Let me see if I understand this... What I'm reading here is: 1) You broke up with your ex 2) You regret breaking up with your ex and what her back 3) She doesn't take you back and end up with someone else 4) You want to text your ex to get an apology for doing things that made you feel you had to break up with her and then moving on before you were ready for her to do so. I know heartbreak makes us lose perspective on a lot of things, but I can't follow your train of thought here. Especially since there are some inconsistencies in your thoughts. i konda want to give her a random text saying do you feel bad or sorry for how you acted and did post break up? now tho i have no desire to contact her, she still contacts me from time to time but i just ignore it. If you do end up contacting her, don't do it for an apology. A solicited apology is never genuine, and would make the one asking for it look pretty petty. I think you need to find a way to resolve any lingering feelings and resentment on your own.
g450 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I don't think so....for me, my ex had no thought or remorse over anything he did, and he is happy as can be. I don't think there is any such thing as karma or he would have suffered it long ago. I think that most people aren't sorry about the hurt they caused because in their minds they have done nothing wrong. They rewrite the relationship in their heads and they can justify everthing they did, no matter how rotten it was. My ex still lies about what he did in our relationship and he dumped me over a year ago. It's so important to him that no one really knows what happened because he wants to be seen as a nice guy. He gets what he wants with absolutely no consequence. This is why I don't believe in karma. Yep, my XW did the same thing. I remember talking to her Mother to set the record straight on a few things my X lied about and boy did the proverbial poop hit the fan after I did that. Still dont regret doing what I did though. She made it sound like she was faithful and we both agreed to the divorce. Nothing was further from the truth and I wanted people to know the facts. Especially since the X was acting so smug and joyful about it all. In the end though, none of this really matters. Just as others have stated. You can try to analize it and rationalize it till your blue in the face and all you will do is turture yourself. Two years post divorce and still no "im sorry I hurt you" or anything similar. But you wont see my holding my breath for that. Life is too short.
GuitarDean Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 When you get hurt, it's natural to want that person to either (1) be hurt also, or (2) at least acknowledge the pain they caused you. Everyone wants to feel that even if they've been dumped, they at least mattered. However, neither of these thoughts are healthy. Fantasies of the ex coming back to say "sorry" or to reconciliate ultimate just causes you more pain from the yearning and false hope. They are not likely to happen. The ex is gone, so it doesn't matter if she misses you or has any regrets. If she hurt you, you don't need her to be sorry for you move forward and find someone else. And it doesn't matter if she's happy without you. It's about you moving on and being happy again without her. 1
mike588 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 When you get hurt, it's natural to want that person to either (1) be hurt also, or (2) at least acknowledge the pain they caused you. Everyone wants to feel that even if they've been dumped, they at least mattered. However, neither of these thoughts are healthy. Fantasies of the ex coming back to say "sorry" or to reconciliate ultimate just causes you more pain from the yearning and false hope. They are not likely to happen. The ex is gone, so it doesn't matter if she misses you or has any regrets. If she hurt you, you don't need her to be sorry for you move forward and find someone else. And it doesn't matter if she's happy without you. It's about you moving on and being happy again without her. So true! I so badly wanted to hear from my ex. after she dumped me 7 months ago....I wanted her to feel guilty...to feel bad but never though I'd hear from her. Well I did..several times with notes of...I'm sorry and regrets and it did cause me more pain. It's best that they just leave you alone.
Sugarkane Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 If they regret it well they've never told me. They only seem to anyway if things don't work out for them and you aren't there for them to use you. As it's highly likely I was cheated on, they have someone else usually picked out before they've left you. My ex turned everyone against me, so everyone cut me off. Everyone still thinks that he's this fantastic guy and the sun shines out of his ass. But I know what a jerk he really is. He is so arrogant and selfish he'll never change. 1
Sugarkane Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 I really wouldn't be surprised if my ex has pulled the same BS on others since me. Dumping them out of the blue by text, for no reason. Then blaming everything on them and verbally abusing them by text. Then refusing to meet them and give them any answers and completely disappearing. Then turning everyone against them, so they won't find out why he did a 180 on them. And if they were cheated on or not.
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