ashleyash Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I've been in that in-between stage of more than friends, but not quite exclusive with a guy for a while. This guy lives more than seven hours away by car, so therefore, it's very hard for me to go see him, though I occasionally do. I'm not ready to pick up and move for him because it's somewhere I have no connections and I would hate to do that and it not work out in any capacity. How did you get into your LDR? Did you start out in the same town and one of you moved, or did you just happen to meet and have a connection that blossomed? How do you think I should approach him about becoming exclusive and seeing where it might go? Thanks for any advice you may have!
wildgeese Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 What is stopping you from having the talk about exclusivity? It can be a bit scary at first, but if it's a guy you want to have a relationship with, then you should be able to trust him to make it a fairly comfortable conversation. And don't even stress about anyone moving yet - you're not even technically in a relationship. Moving should be in the not too near future for you, for now. My LDR started when my boyfriend of a year moved to a city about 9 hours away. He did so for career as well as a change of pace. I stayed behind because of my own job and school. We will, however, be ending the distance at the end of May. We went into our LDR knowing that it was temporary and that one of us (I volunteered) would be moving to be with the other. Some people on this forum have indeed created successful relationships based off of short initial meet-ups or even from the internet. My boyfriend and I were lucky in that we had time to lay down a solid foundation before he moved. Our LDR has been very successful and I'm happy to say that we only have one more visit before I officially move. How did you two meet? How much time have you spent together? How old are you? I think you need to just bite the bullet and explain your thoughts and feelings to him. See what he thinks about a relationship, and be ready if he doesn't necessarily want to enter a LDR. They aren't for everyone.
Author ashleyash Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 We met at a show in my town about 6 months ago, and have been talking ever since. I've gone to see him twice, and the first time I stayed a week, the second time was two weeks. A relationship has been discussed, but that discussion always falls flat, because we rarely get to see each other. I feel silly for bringing it up when there hasn't been that much time together. I don't want to seem like I'm jumping into anything too quickly. We are both young, with me at 20, him at 21. We're both still in school. Is it still too early on to discuss this?
cerridwen Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 We met at a show in my town about 6 months ago, and have been talking ever since. I've gone to see him twice, and the first time I stayed a week, the second time was two weeks. A relationship has been discussed, but that discussion always falls flat, because we rarely get to see each other. I feel silly for bringing it up when there hasn't been that much time together. I don't want to seem like I'm jumping into anything too quickly. We are both young, with me at 20, him at 21. We're both still in school. Is it still too early on to discuss this? Three weeks total together? It may very well be too early yet. It's telling that the exclusivity conversation has been raised but fails to come to a conclusion. Give it a little bit more time to see where the chips fall. This sounds like it will have a very peaceful and natural outcome.
pettie Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Three weeks total together? It may very well be too early yet. It's telling that the exclusivity conversation has been raised but fails to come to a conclusion. Give it a little bit more time to see where the chips fall. This sounds like it will have a very peaceful and natural outcome. In my case, we didn't actually have it, it just followed the natural course and it was sort of implicit - we would often make remarks of how "we hadn't been with anyone else" after we met/started out. This might have been risky, but here we are, one year later and things are solid. These remarks came out naturally after 3 or 4 months, and after all this time, trust has never been an issue in my relationship. What was also different in my relationship, is that we knew right from the beginning that we were going to be separated for a long period of time and a big ocean in between before I left, so, we didn't actually *discuss* having a proper relationship at the moment. We just accepted it, and the relationship just followed. Perhaps, in your case, and from what you say, it seems that you both want a relationship but are "afraid of the distance" (which is natural!), to put it that way. First, clear your mind and be sure *yourself* that you want to give it a try, regardless. Then, approach him with the issue and for possible solutions - solutions in the context of visits (don't think on moving just yet!!). I don't know. I guess there are some "standard" things to do/say in a LDR to make the experience less difficult, but actually, we have to bear in mind that every relationship is unique. While for some it will naturally flow, for some others it has to be stated.
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