LSgirl Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Short background: Me and my ex dated for 14 months. He had just gotten out of a 8 year relationship to a girl he was engaged with, she cheated on him and I could tell he never got over it. Overall, he was a great boyfriend, but deep down inside I could tell he was still hurt from his past. We broke it off because he knew I was hurting, he admitted to not seeing me long-term and didn't love me but cared for me and we did get along quite well. I told him I loved him on our one year anniversary and didn't expect him to say it back, I knew he couldn't feel that way because had not fully gotten over her. I went NC straight away, 6 days later he just texted me an hour ago: I hate myself so much, ive done nothing but try to get over this. And now i cant sleep my skin burns and im completely disgusted of myself. Im such a pathetic loser and you're so much better off now. I cant tell you how sorry I am. I want to beat my own ass so hard and just be someone else. How or why you'd love someone like me I have no idea. Im so sorry and hope one day you could talk to me again. I just want you to know I hurt real bad and am ashamed of what I did. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am just a pathetic wrech. I hope you are doing better without me messing up your life, im very very sorry and very very stupid. Im sending this because I want you to know how dumb I feel and you to know how great you are, now shoot me please. Id feel so much better. While I wish it was a text that said he realized how much he did love me, but it's not. I don't know what to do this, but I feel like I shouldn't respond. Of course I know he probably hurts as much as I do. He knows I felt strung along and hoped one day he would love me, I think he even tried. Do I respond? I feel like there's nothing to respond to, but it hurts me to read this, I as well have been hurting. He knows what a good gf I was to him, but I had to walk away.
veggirl Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Wow, that is really hard, I'm sorry Honestly he is a putz for stringing you along for over a year. You know now not to be someone's rebound, though, right? You are correct in not responding. You have NOTHING to gain from this relationship. He has everything to gain--a girl who will dote on him and love him and accept him while he deals with his own demons. Don't be that girl, you deserve everything that you give out, and you will never get it from this guy. He hasn't been single in over 9 yrs...it's sinking in for him and he's freaking out. Don't go back, keep looking forward and delete anything he sends to you. 1
Author LSgirl Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 I don't want to text him back because I wouldn't even know what to say. I'M even ashamed that I stayed this long, hoping that just one day he'll come around and see a future with me. I feel used as his emotional crutch even though he did many great things while we were together. I haven't cried this much in a few days than I have since reading that text. I've just been lurking around these message boards trying to keep myself busy reading other peoples stories, and now I feel so like crap all over again. I want to stick with NC, I just wish that text said "Im so sorry, I do love you and want you back" but of course, nothing even close...
jus d'orange Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Don't let his self-pity matter to you. He's got his own issues to work on, and you've sacrificed enough for him. Keep on moving on with your life! As the days pass by, eventually you'll keep track of weeks NC, then months, then not at all. If you receive more things from him like this, ignore them. If he threatens suicide, consider sending him only a suicide hotline # as a response (if sending anything at all-- some will try to threaten that to get attention). He will be able to face his problems on his own; you don't have to be involved.
Author LSgirl Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Thanks for all your replies so far, but as today hits Day 8 of NC, I'm struggling with understanding why he strung me along all this time. In his text message he said he felt ashamed of what he did, so he KNOWS that he led me on for over a year. Was it because he was lonely? Couldn't replace his ex-fiancee, never got over her?? I know he did like me, but just that his feelings for me weren't as strong. I did feel at many times he really was falling for me, just little things like what I have listed below, I'm confused as to why he did these things...I think he really did try to love me as he once told me, but just couldn't get there - Kept our movie stubs in our box - Surprised me with cool jewelry, on his lunch breaks, once in awhile he would find cool street vendors and buy me some cute earrings/necklace (Im not materialistic at all nor have ever asked him to buy me anything) He would bring me flowers randomly, too. - Bring over food and teach me how to cook. He knows Ive never baked a cake and had been wanting to show me. - On Valentines Day, he took me to the beach, brought a blanket with wine, cheese, caviar, and played old '40s Italian music on his iPod dock, very romantic. - Introduced me to all his friends and took me to his work holiday party, affectionate with me no matter who was around. - For breakfast, if I was craving an omelet, he would want to take me 45min drive to a restaurant that was known for their omelets (although I declined because I would have felt bad for him to do all that) - Play our music, we introduced each other to various music and said our song was "Sleepwalk" by santo & johnny - Loved to snuggle and kiss me on the forehead randomly (loved that!) - Said Fridays were our nights and the last Friday we spent before the BU, he cooked me a stuffed scallop, brought wine (he's a great cook and likes to spoil me with food) - Wanted to know what was on my bucket list I wrote so he could help me accomplish those things together - Knows how much I love massages and he wasn't very good at them, so he got me a package of a whole day at a local spa. Neither of us are rich, we both make the same salary, but I spoiled him with my love (if that makes any sense) - Told me I was very special and told me some deep secrets he never told anyone else, trusted me, and said there weren't too many people he could talk to about conspiracy theories, politics, movies, music, etc..but could with me. Said that I challenged him and enjoyed keeping up with my taste in various subjects. - Called me everyday, kept in touch throughout the day with random, inside jokes, kisses, etc... - He was consistent with ALL these things, never got angry with me (we've never yelled at each other, we were very respectful and mature with the things we would say) but all in all, he provided everything except emotional love. I grew resentment over time, kept trying (hope goes very far!), but in the end he knows he was holding me back and deserved someone better There's a lot more, but in the end now I realize that it's easy to do things for somebody, to take them places, be affectionate, but when it came down to making future plans or "love", he couldn't see me in it. To him, love means marriage/kids. I guess I just wasn't the person he ever saw to settle down, yet was so dedicatated to me in the "now", sigh....
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