TheRose Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 (edited) Dear people, I don't know what to do anymore. A little over 2 years ago I broke upwith my then boyfriend of 3 years. This was one of the most horrible this thatever happend to me... The reason we broke up didnt have anything to do with alack of love, but with the fact that he had become a practising muslim. This is our story: We met almost 6 years agoin high school, he was the the best friend of a friend of mine. I dont reallybelieve in love at first sight, but it was definetly being 'in love' at firstsight. But we were both shy and the only contact we had was a smilewhenever we passed each other in the hallway at school, but oh did that smile mean much to me I always felt like I wasnt good enough for him, so I tried to forget about him.After a few months he added me on 'msn' (such a long time ago hehe!): My heartskipped at least a thousend beats! From that point on we talked for hourseveryday online and after 2 months (I think?), he asked if I could come over tohis house and so I did. I remember this night sowell... The way he looked, the way he smelled, the way he talked everything...We had our first kiss that evening and a little more.. In the beginning I was afraid he didnt want anything serious, but I soon foundout he did! We were inseperable! Wewould always hang out during school after school on weekends, oh those timeswere amazing! We did get to see our friends and family too by the way! At somepoint I had to change schools, but whenever I came home after a long day, hewould always come pick me up.. And when it was rainy outside and I had gottenal wet, he would always give me some of his clothes because he thought that wascute and hed blowdry me hair, give me some tea and hug me until I was warm.. I didnt even look at otherguys anymore, this guy gave me everything I ever wanted. He was my boyfriend,my love, my friend, my family my everything! I got really close to his mom and sister aswell, they felt like my own family and they still do! I was there when his sister gave birth to her first daughter and I we spend a lot of time together One day (after 8 months ofus dating) I was at school and I got a text message from his sister that he wasin the hospital and asked me to call her. My world stopped... Turned out he hada collapsed long and had almost died.. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks...After he got out of the hospital he wasnt 100% the same person he was before.He has Cystic Fibrosis, a chronic long disease, but he had never been in thehospital for so long since he was a kid. Anyway, he was very depressed and atthat same time he started to hang out with this kid who was practising Islamand not in a positive way. He somehow managed to manipulate my BF intobelieving it was a good thing to suddenly pull away from his family and fromme. I n the beginning it was still managable, but after a few months it had gotten to the point where he didnteven want to hold my hand... I felt so lonely and was so worried about him atthe same time... He broke up with me 3times, the first time it was only for a couple of hours, the second time for afew weeks and the third time for 3 months. He said he felt I emberassed him infront of God... Being religious my self (christian) this hurted me so much... The second time he broke up with me he wanted to take me back IF I started to get more involved in Islam... Fool that I was, I wanted to do everything to get him back: he was my life... It was horrible he made me watch hours and hours of lections of so called islam experts, however these werent all experts.. Some of these people were really bad people and not PRO religion at all.. At this point he also refused to tell me he loved me... After the third time hebroke up with me, he kept sending me emails writing me how he loved me so much,and how he hoped that somehow life would bring us together again, but this really upset me even more.. I wanted HIM to choose for me, but he didnt.. After 2,5 months I kissed someone else... I told him and he was really upset and angry, but eventually it made him realize what he had lost (thats what he said) and he wanted me back. He practised less of his religion, but still it was too much for me... I didnt feel loved anymore and so I had given up. In december of that year, I finally had the courage to break up with him, it was horrible... To forget him I did everything I shouldnt do: drink, date someone else etc. I was depressed, lonely and felt insecure... He tried winning me back (2 weeks after I broke up with him, he got back to being his old self, didnt do much about Islam anymore, accept for praying which is a wonderful thing to do) and eventhough I missed him like crazy, there were so many things holding me back... Such as: I had dated someone else, which felt like cheating to me (even though he knew about this and we were broken up), I was scared of getting hurt again, I was angry with him etc etc. All of which he understood btw... He regrets everything that has happend and has told me, my friends, his friends, his family: the whole world... That I'm the one he wants to be with. He has dated some girls in the meanwhile to btw, but he broke up with them because of me Now 2 years later I broke up with the guy I had been dating, simply because I felt like a fraude... I kept thinking about the love of my life... No one compares to him, he is the one for me... I can still feel him, I know he still thinks about me and I want him.. But something still hold me back: I'm so scarred and I dont know why? Can someone please explain to me what it is thats holding me back? Heart broken doesnt even come near to what it is that I'm feeling right now... Edited March 5, 2012 by TheRose
Numb79 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Hey Rose! I just read your post. I will not admit to being a relationship guru... but remember what advice you gave me under my post?
Author TheRose Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 Hey Rose! I just read your post. I will not admit to being a relationship guru... but remember what advice you gave me under my post? Haha yea I know! Problem is.. I dont know what feels right. I love this person sooooo much, but again: something is holding me back and I dont know what cause hes the best! On the other hand, if I decide never to be with him: how do I get over him? It seems impossible, since I tried for two years already and I couldnt get over him.....
Numb79 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I know how rough it can be.... and I can only imagine what it has been like for 2 yrs. But, you need to make a decision..... Fight for it? or Let it go? You are the only one that can decide that. Best of luck to you
Author TheRose Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 I know how rough it can be.... and I can only imagine what it has been like for 2 yrs. But, you need to make a decision..... Fight for it? or Let it go? You are the only one that can decide that. Best of luck to you Thing is.. if I decide to be with him I run the risk of him turning jealous again (he was extremely jealous during this time, forbidding me to wear make up, to wear any revealing clothers, and forbid me to talk to all men..). He's told me that he regrets ever heaving been like this, but yea the though of this happening again scares me... And this is going to sound extremely selfish: He has CF, which means there is a (unfortunately big) chance he will die at a young age... I know what it feels like to loose him, I dont know if I could go through that again... The fact that he has CF also means, he probably will not be able to have children.. Before this wasnt a reason for me not to be with him because I wanted to be with him no matter what! But now, it all feels like I'm taking a big risc... If I knew things would turn out fine, I wouldnt think twice and I'd just take the risc! I know this sounds selfish, but it's my reality at the moment... On the other hand: If I choose not to be with him, I dont know if someone else will ever make me as happy as he ones made me. He knows me so well, and we feel each other in everything we (used to) do. We have a special connection, everyone always thought so... However yea... I'm soooo scarred! And I feel trapped.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 who the hell is he to say you have embarrassed him in front of God? You run the risk of being put down by this guy. Try your best to move on. Sick or not, he sounds like a jerk.
brokenTom Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 It's a tragic story and I wish you all the best. I agree that he sounds like a jerk, letting any religion cause such destruction is always such a horrible shame. There's probably not much you can do about it, because his mind seems already made up. He chose it over you and that's the reality of the situation. I understand the feeling of not thinking you'll meet anyone as good as him, but I know that can be overcome if you keep hope and don't close off your heart to others. 2 Years is not a very long time to get over such a powerful love, so don't beat yourself up about that. Be patient and take care of yourself the best you can, and remember you CAN find another great love out there.
Author TheRose Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 It's a tragic story and I wish you all the best. I agree that he sounds like a jerk, letting any religion cause such destruction is always such a horrible shame. There's probably not much you can do about it, because his mind seems already made up. He chose it over you and that's the reality of the situation. I understand the feeling of not thinking you'll meet anyone as good as him, but I know that can be overcome if you keep hope and don't close off your heart to others. 2 Years is not a very long time to get over such a powerful love, so don't beat yourself up about that. Be patient and take care of yourself the best you can, and remember you CAN find another great love out there. He regrets the fact that he let this come in between us.. He doesnt do anything about this religion anymore accept for praying. He admits he was sort of brainwashed by people. At that point in his life he was really scarred that the rest of his life he would spend in hospitals, that he would die at a young age, couldnt have kids etc. So I guess thats why he let himself get talked into this. At some point he even got afraid of God, which is so painful for me to hear.. The minute however he realized he had lost me, he let go of his crazy fairs shaved his beard etc... I really do want to foret about him by the way, but it seems impossible Do you really think I can forget about him?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 He regrets the fact that he let this come in between us.. He doesnt do anything about this religion anymore accept for praying. He admits he was sort of brainwashed by people. At that point in his life he was really scarred that the rest of his life he would spend in hospitals, that he would die at a young age, couldnt have kids etc. So I guess thats why he let himself get talked into this. At some point he even got afraid of God, which is so painful for me to hear.. The minute however he realized he had lost me, he let go of his crazy fairs shaved his beard etc... I really do want to foret about him by the way, but it seems impossible Do you really think I can forget about him? In time you will forget all the hurt; I don't think you will forget him per se, since he was an integral part of your life. Example...My first love was abusive; I was 17; he was my first everything. He was all I know; thought it was supposed to be this way, but then I got wise. He was bi polar and did not take meds==instead, he took cocaine and pot laced with whatever. Eventually, he dumped me. I thought I would never, ever, EVER get over this guy. Now, over 25 years later, we are Facebook pals. We never 'go there' and talk about the past; he was 21, I was 17 when it all happened. But I never forgot him...the pain all went away and I was like 'WHAT was I THINKING????":) He is living in a dirty, small apartment overrun by rodents. He is on all types of meds now, clean from the bad drugs. I could have been married to him. This could be a blessing in disguise for you, but your mind and heart are too clouded to see it. But in time, I promise, the pain will go away.
Author TheRose Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 In time you will forget all the hurt; I don't think you will forget him per se, since he was an integral part of your life. Example...My first love was abusive; I was 17; he was my first everything. He was all I know; thought it was supposed to be this way, but then I got wise. He was bi polar and did not take meds==instead, he took cocaine and pot laced with whatever. Eventually, he dumped me. I thought I would never, ever, EVER get over this guy. Now, over 25 years later, we are Facebook pals. We never 'go there' and talk about the past; he was 21, I was 17 when it all happened. But I never forgot him...the pain all went away and I was like 'WHAT was I THINKING????":) He is living in a dirty, small apartment overrun by rodents. He is on all types of meds now, clean from the bad drugs. I could have been married to him. This could be a blessing in disguise for you, but your mind and heart are too clouded to see it. But in time, I promise, the pain will go away. Thanks for your words of hope. My situation is a little different from yours though, since he just had a rough time at one point in his life and he's doing fine now. He has a masters degree in university, he had a job, a lot of friends and spends a lot of time with his family. I hope its true what you say, that I'll get over him and move on at some point. I just dont know how... Im afraid that if I start a relationship with someone new, that I wont love them as much as I loved this guy... That would be horrible for both me as it would be for the other person...
Author TheRose Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 One of my best friends talks a lot with my ex, and she just told me he met someone else... I feel heartbroken on one side, and happy for him and releaved on the other... I just wish we could have made it work back then.... he was my everything..... its so unfair! and what I'm feeling right now is so weird, I want to cry on one hand , but I also feel this big releave and I'm almost okay with it, but then I'm not. Just a mixture of a whole bunch of things... Can someone please tell me how to get over this... He still holds a big part of my heart with him and I want it back! Noone know about this, not even my best friends.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 One of my best friends talks a lot with my ex, and she just told me he met someone else... I feel heartbroken on one side, and happy for him and releaved on the other... I just wish we could have made it work back then.... he was my everything..... its so unfair! and what I'm feeling right now is so weird, I want to cry on one hand , but I also feel this big releave and I'm almost okay with it, but then I'm not. Just a mixture of a whole bunch of things... Can someone please tell me how to get over this... He still holds a big part of my heart with him and I want it back! Noone know about this, not even my best friends. He's probably preaching his religion to this new one. He can't be all that great. You will heal. you are putting him on a pedestal; has he done this for you?
Author TheRose Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 He's probably preaching his religion to this new one. He can't be all that great. You will heal. you are putting him on a pedestal; has he done this for you? He has... accept for that year... Before and after... When we broke up he cried EVERY single day for so many months! I know this for a fact because people told me.. At work, in univerisity, with his family, with friends, in the cinema etc. I want him to be happy! He deserves it, even though I'm hurt right now... I know this is probably for the best, but :( :( You are supersweet though, your words do help!
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