Frustrated

[l39jet]

Hi All,

 

As I said... I am frustrated. I have dated two ladies in the past year and a half. I ended up working full time out of state after dating the first one for a year and she couldn't take the long distance relationship. I then met another wonderful lady who I dated some over the past 7 months. They are two very different personalities, but I am crazy about them both.

 

The first one I just love hanging out with, going anywhere with and she is amazing fun and I feel like I could marry her and have a very fun life with her. The only hitch... while I feel very strong romantically for her as well, the intimacy is just average.

 

The second one is more refined and likes things a bit more structured. We enjoy going out, but it is more of an average to better than average time out. I have very strong romantic feelings for her and we light the room on fire romantically and intimately.

 

They both are pursuing me now and like I say... I could see myself with either one.

 

My concern is which would be best and more likely to succeed in the long run... a long term relationship with someone you really love being with doing just about anything, but the intimate side of things leaves you a bit lacking. Or the super sexy, hot romantic one that leaves you feeling a bit lacking on the relationship side of things?

 

By the way my kids love the first one ( the fun one ) and they do not like the second one nearly as much.

 

Any thoughts would be most appreciated.

 

Thanks

[darkmoon]

the sexy one - i for one could not endure mediocre sex for life

[xpaperxcutx]

You can always teach the first one to be more proactive in the bedroom and then teach the second one to be more proactive in terms of activities.

 

Personally, if a guy sucks in bed, I'd teach and train him to learn new tricks.

[Ninjainpajamas]

From a rational and experienced point of view I'd say the first one definitely seems to have the greatest long-term potential. She doesn't just provide one quality to the relationship, but several.

 

With the second one, what happens when the hot starts to fizzle out a little bit, is there anything you're going to have without the romantic side of things/ do you feel confident that is something that will be sustainable or does it just feel like that beginning or early rush you can experience the first 1-2 years with someone where you're not really gauging things correctly?

 

The first one sounds like a great catch, It's a shame that the intimacy is not greater..however It seems like that might be able to be improved, If she all together resistant to trying new things or do you just not find her as sexually attractive? I'm guessing you're not as attracted to her sexually.

 

I think the second one at one point or another things will change, and you will be left regretting leaving the first.

 

However going with the first you won't be satisfied thinking you left out this hot sexy romance fire that will last forever or is intense.

 

I personally don't think you are in a position to be with either woman and be completely satisfied.

[xpaperxcutx]

Polygamy is " legal" in some states....

 

But honestly the first one sounds like a good catch, it's just you're not ready to settle down for one, hence the constant distraction with Numero dos.

[FitChick]

If you want your kids to be in your life and they don't like Woman #2, that could be a problem.

 

Sex is always exciting in the beginning but passion wanes over time. If that is all Woman #2 has to offer, the relationship won't last anyway. Why not teach Woman #1 a few new tricks?

[Leigh 87]

DO you still enjoy the sex with women one?

 

 

WOmen one seams to have a personality, that has more traits that YOU value; fun, random, great to be around in all the activities you do.....

 

 

DO you prefer women who are adventerous, and like to try a lot of different things? If the women 2 is closed off to doing a lot of new things, and prefers to do smaller scale things, and not be the life of the party... u need women 1 if that is the type of women you prefer.

 

 

 

A personality cannot necessarily change; people are who they are, to some extent. What is it about women 1 you need? Are they sskills you can see women two cultivating, to any extent?

 

 

I would do this, if it were me:

 

 

Try to get to know women 1, and see if the intimacy developes; in some cases, it developes slower, and with love. Other times it does not develop, in which case you move on.

 

 

Is women one significantly more enjoyable to be around, than women 2?

 

Regardless of how lovely women 2 is, she NEEDS to have personality traits that she can develop, in order to be as fun to be around as women one.

 

 

 

 

 

FOR THE RECORD: Me and my boyfriend did not have red hot chemistry, from MY SIDE, right away... However, as he fell in LOVE with me, it has developed more.

 

It is not super red hot, our innate chemistry, but we have fun in bed enough to be very happy.... When you admire a persons character, being around them and falling for them can MAKE the sex life hot enough for you.

 

 

 

 

REMEMBER: in case u do not already believe in it, I hope you are going to only date one at a time... lol, u know how men are these days, and most women too.. they multi date, which I personaly do not think is cool.

 

 

 

I would rather a super fun man, and try to develop the sex life. You have nothing to lose, you just end it with her and go after the other one if it does not work out.

 

I went for the super fun guy with persomnality I liked being around.. with a mediocore chemistry/sex radar... the sex has become evry intimate now. Definately, it developed enough for us.

[l39jet]

Thanks for the input all.

 

I fight with the fact that in some ways #2 is what I always hoped for... very beautiful, great in bed and very desirable. She is also good for me in some ways in dealing with life issues, she is very thoughtful and supportive. However, my kids REFUSE to have anything to do with her and don't like her. My 16yr old called her my "trophy GF". I find myself pulling away from her because of this.

 

The first one I just feel a totally different feeling towards. I ran into her the other day and my heat skipped a beat. I just LOVE chatting with her, hanging out with her. She to is supportive, but different. She is beautiful, but not a head turning beautiful like #2. As I mentioned before, I am romantic towards her, but she was just ok in bed. The difference between the two... a night of fun in bed vs a quick encounter and your done. As for my kids. They loved #1 and wish I was still with her. Especially my girls.

 

So it comes down to #1 is awesome to be with out of bed and my girls love her. While #2 is awesome in bed and my girls wont have anything to do with her. ( However, I don't think #2 got a fair chance because of life circumstances and their mom poisoning them towards her ( read jealous) ).

 

I wonder if it is harder to develop satisfying sex in bed with #1 than it is to feel I will grow into a friendship with #2 that is satisfying.

[CarrieT]

I wonder if it is harder to develop satisfying sex in bed with #1 than it is to feel I will grow into a friendship with #2 that is satisfying.

 

Because you are comparing the two; when you are getting something extraordinary from one instance (#2) it is human nature to compare it to something else (#1).

 

If you had never met #2, you might not find #1 so lacking in something you wouldn't have experienced and been perfectly happy - and possibly over the moon with how great you are getting along, etc...

 

If I was given a filet mignon and then offered a burger, I might compare the two different meals. Now I adore a great burger but comparing it to a steak MIGHT make the steak seem more desirable but they are both just cow meat and both taste great. Sure - I want both of them but they aren't something that can or should be compared because they are two different kind of meals.