ridinbikes247 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 My LONG story. Please read if your bored I just needed to vent and this is very hard on me. I am a idiot !!!! I just want somone to talk to !! The past year has sucked. So, heres our story. We married 4.5 years ago, and been together for 7.5. We have a 4 year old boy. We are both 26 and fixing to turn 27. I admit, the first 2 years of our kid, I was selfish and did alot of things with my friends, didnt help out around the house, cleaning wise. I would come home, do my things with friends and shut her out. We would go out to eat at night and movies on occasion but I would not help being a husband wise. In December of 2010 She moved in with her parents for 1.5 months and said she is tired of being taking for granted and she wanted me to think. I worked hard to get her back. She Came back in Febuary 2011.... things were doing great. I would come home, cook, do dishes . sex picked up. I started helping my boy take his baths. and etc. I was even giving her foot rubs every other night. She loved them . Well after about 6 months, she said "lets pay my car off and buy our first house. I did. I worked VERY HARD . I worked 13 hour shifts. So I paid her car off which was $8,000 and we put $10,000 in a new house !!!!. Things were great. well, back in November things started to get rocky. . I would come home from work and my wife would distance her self. she would have supper in the microwave. she would sit in a different room of the house. I would go hug her, and she wouldnt hug back. Same for kissing.... sex was still once or twice a week. Then she jokinling said one night, If i moved out, would you sell the house or try to keep it... i was shocked. Then she said "hahaha just joking" . . anyways. communication was down and we drifted apart. We became roomates starting in october 2011....It hurts when I come home and she want kiss back. just a little peck on the cheek Now for the present. Started middle of January she started hanging with her old friends ( divorced single moms) every friday night she would take our son and have girl/child time with them, coming home at 11 and 12 in the at night. leaving me home alone. BORED...So valentines day this year . FEB 2012 . . I got her a dozen roses sent to her work with a card. . All i got was a thank you honey, which was nice BUTTTT..Now here is where I may become childish - We both like facebook. I got on facebook and she didnt write on my wall for valentines, nor take a picture of her roses.. EVERYONE post pictures to show off !! I felt heart broken. then that night, she went out to valentines dinner with her girl friends !!!! I finally got tired of being treated like crap. I would call her at work and she would say she was busy. When I got home and looked at her phone, I noticed she had talked to her friends all day. but blowed me off. Even communicating. A tree fell on her parents house and I didnt find out until a week later. I brung it up and she just says "its not important" . . What the hell when she got home after her valentines date with her friends I told her how I felt and she gave me the "do what you want, you will be leaving your family" "I am who I am and I like my friends too" Anyways, I packed up and left to my parents... I took my clothes and a spare bed...... she said she wasnt giving me no furniture or aplliances because then i would be depriving my child. its been 3 weeks now and she says she dosent want me calling her and bla bla. she says she dosent love me anymore. I dropped my kid off tonight and she still has our wedding pictures hanging on the walls. and all our family pictures. she wouldnt even hug me tonight, more less touch me. I feel like I have lost my wife. I feel very used. I feel she left me last year because she didnt love me, and didnt want to stay at her parents. She knew I would be gullable and buy her a house... I feel like she had this planned. . Its hard to talk to her on the phone and not ask how her day was. its hard to NOT say i love her... But I feel it may be time to move on I did suggest marriage counsling and she said "No, if we cant work it out our selves then we arent meant to be"
Author ridinbikes247 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 just wanting advise really when she calls, do I just answer her questions ? or just says I'm busy and hang up ? this is so hard. When she calls I want to ask how she is doing, I want to here her say "i love you" . I understand I left, but i dont like feeling disrespected and feeling taking advantage of
green.tweety Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Did you try to talk calmly with her about everything? Oooo, and about the house, I don't know the laws in youre country but if its bought in marriage it is divided in half in my country. Look, you have son with her. Her behavioure is not ok and u have feelings too. But ifshe won't try to work it out than she isn't for you. Every marriage needs 2 peoples in it when is good or bad. You can't just give up if you are normal person withfeelings and right mind. Sice you askee. When she calls see if it is important. If its about youre child. But if it wasn't than just say to her look, If you want to have family and a good life lets sit down and talk as humans if not I don't have anything to talk about except my son so u decide what eo you want and tell me. And see what does she say. But be calm and not judgamental (my spelling isn't at my max these days don't mind do u) Do not attac her or anything like that. Just try to talk normal but if she isn't up for it than u need to let it go. I'm crossing my fingers 4 u.
standtall Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 You have to ask yourself who the other guy is. He is there....look.
atcta Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I'm woth you man, I know exactly how you feel right now. Look here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/316366-me It's hell when you still love someone with all your heart and not get anything in return...... Worst is, you don't know why this is happening, if something specific happened, one can call that a reason, but if nothing apparent went wrong then it's even wors facing something like we are facing now.
CC12 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 You're pretty skeptical of her. Do you really think she planned this all out and used you and suckered you into buying a house, or is that your anger talking? It takes a cold, calculating person to do the things you're accusing her of. Is she that type of person? I'm thinking she couldn't have been that bad. I'm not saying she didn't do messed up things before your separation (the Valentine's Day thing, jeez,) but thinking of her as if she's some kind of manipulative she-devil is probably a bit much. I mean, you spent close to a decade with her and, I assume, you thought she was decent enough then. Anyway, it doesn't matter. What's done is done, and it's not helpful for you to be bitter and angry. Even if she did intentionally use you, you should work on forgiving her (or at least not feeling seething rage at her) for the sake of your kid. And also because bitterness and anger will eat at you and fck your sht up.
Author ridinbikes247 Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 I dont think there is another man. I really just think her friends influence her to be single. Im tired of getting mixed feelings from her. I left on Feb. 14th the night she left me for her friends. she has called once in them three weeks to say she loves me and misses me.. that was on Feb. 22nd . I told her I feel the same and I would like to talk and she said "maybe another time" - what the crap......... I got my bed March 1st and I hugged and kissed her and gave her a little but slap and she didnt stop or pull away. I said I love you and she said it back..... then yesterday, March 4th I returned our little boy and she stood about 10 feet away and said its best if we dont touch or talk to each other. I looked around and seen all our wedding pictures and random photos of us still hanging on the wall.. Wouldnt she want to take them down ? When she call, do I say "sorry, cant talk"...or just tell her I dont want to talk ? so many questions but not ebnough answers
skywriter Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I believe at this point you should be honest and frank with her. If you want to be married and love her, tell her the truth. If she doesn't , then respect her feelings and only have limited and necessary contact. It sounds to me as if she's doing to you what you did to her in the past. I'm not implying that it's ok. It isn't. I also agree, that her single friends may have had some influence on her thinking as well. However, as an adult woman, she is very capable of making her own decisions. If she loves you, there is no influence in the world that can change that. At the end of the day, you can't change someone unless they want to.
standtall Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Ridin, Women seldom check out of marriages out of the blue. Usually it's behavior by either party of drug/alcohol abuse, physical/emotional abuse, abandonment, mental illness, or a 3rd party...look around, something is missing in your equation.
maybealone Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Speaking from my own experience, even if you are a great husband now, she still might not be able to get past the two years that she was neglected by you. A lot of resentment might have built up over that time. Maybe when things were going better she thought that she was over it, and that's why she tried to move forward with the house and all. I'm not saying this justifies her current behavior because I don't think it does. I'm just trying to explain what she might be feeling. And it's hard to get beyond those feelings, especially if she isn't willing to try counseling. And yes, there could be another man or a case of "grass is greener" syndrome caused by her girlfriends. But I think that outside forces wouldn't have much of an influence if (a) she loved you, or (b) she wasn't harboring resentment from how she was treated in the past.
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