Numb79 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Today marks 5 weeks of NC. I am just curious as to how many people have broken it for answers or unresolved issues!? During the "break up" I was pretty much quiet and let her do all the talking. Sure, I did try to persuade her a few times but that was about it. Since then it has been pretty much no contact. I just feel as if I never got a chance to have my say! All she did was point out how I did or did not do this or that! What about the things I did do!?!? Does that not mean anything?? There were also a few things that she said that makes me wonder if she was trying to persuade herself that this was the best route to take.... We will both get over this..... just like how you got over your X and I got over mine You won't really miss me.... you'll just miss the routine Please don't contact me at all..... it will be better for both of us I'm sorry for trying to change you during the whole relationship I don't know what this all means!??! I know in the end.... it doesn't matter and the only thing that matters is that its over. But I have not been able to get it out of my head! Any thoughts?
water4150 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Today marks 5 weeks of NC. I am just curious as to how many people have broken it for answers or unresolved issues!? During the "break up" I was pretty much quiet and let her do all the talking. Sure, I did try to persuade her a few times but that was about it. Since then it has been pretty much no contact. I just feel as if I never got a chance to have my say! All she did was point out how I did or did not do this or that! What about the things I did do!?!? Does that not mean anything?? There were also a few things that she said that makes me wonder if she was trying to persuade herself that this was the best route to take.... We will both get over this..... just like how you got over your X and I got over mine You won't really miss me.... you'll just miss the routine Please don't contact me at all..... it will be better for both of us I'm sorry for trying to change you during the whole relationship I don't know what this all means!??! I know in the end.... it doesn't matter and the only thing that matters is that its over. But I have not been able to get it out of my head! Any thoughts? I fought for my ex for nearly 5 months. I always had questions and unresolved issues. But when ever I tried or asked her they always made the pain worse. I know its stuff you want to find out...but here's the thing...you WILL find out eventually. You may not have to ask her at all, you'll eventually find the answer yourself or it will come to you. Whenever I dug for stuff, I always found things that were worse then it was. It hurt a lot more by probing around. I wish I never did that. If its preventing you from getting closure...then break nc but when you break it..you will start over again. But even after you get your "closure" there will always be another quetsion or something new you want to find out. It'll be an endless circle. NC is the only way to break this circle. AND if she doesn't give you an answer then you will be assuming the worse of things and it will make your head wonder causing more pain. Also reminding her of the good times and all things you have done for her won't work. I done that for 5 months and it got me no where. Logic won't work and arguing is pointless. She will just remember the bad times for as long as your around. Some things are better left unsaid... I wish you the best my friend
nick d Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I broke NC today and in the worst way possible.. I wrote her to let her know I DIDN'T go out where I said I was going to go last night. I'm an idiot, I wish I wouldn't have wrote her Now I'm back at day 1 :/
jus d'orange Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I considered breaking NC in the first couple weeks just to talk things through. In fact, she'd told me that we'd go a few weeks without talking. It's been 5, and at 2 weeks she told my friend she wanted me to call her. When you say "answers," realize that the no answer is going to make you feel better. The pain is in the loss, not really in the details. When I would think to myself "closure" or "answers," I would try to remind myself that it's like having someone else give you peace of mind. You can only really do it yourself. Think a lot about the relationship! Learn from what happened! Did you miss red flags? Did he/she start removing themselves emotionally at some point? There are so many things that could have gone wrong to bring about the end, but often it's just unhappiness and falling out of love. Once you've dug through the painful debris of memories, shed the tears necessary to mourn the loss of the relationship, and learned what you need to in order to move on with your life and improve yourself and your next relationship, don't go back there anymore. The pain will still be there... but there's no benefit in going through it. Eventually, I'm sure these memories can be looked back on fondly as wonderful for the person you were then... but for now, you need to learn and move on. 1
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