TE86 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Send the letter? Letter is on the second post... Brief or not so brief overview.. Probably the love of my life and I broke up a few months ago. It was definitely my fault. She has loved me more than anything for 5 years and I could never pull the trigger. Things had been rocky the last year or so with a few family tragedies and my quarter life crisis at 25. I would get mad and we would break up over dumb things and finally she had enough. Problem is I can't get passed her. I moved away for a "dream job" a 15 hour drive away and didn't make a good effort to see her. We broke up for a while and then I went out of character and sent flowers, fruits and gifts for a week before she left to visit family for christmas. She said she didn't want to let me back in but we got back together for new years and then I ruined it after a few short weeks. I could honestly say I was a bad guy to her. So now... I regret it every day. Every memory I have and important event has included her. I have met new people, dated a couple girls since but I still can not get passed her. People used to give me crap to marry her already and I just couldn't do it. Saying there were things I wanted to do before I get engaged. Work / accomplishments etc. Well Ive now gone down that path and now I feel empty without her. Its just not the same with her not there. I have written her a letter but have not sent it yet because she recently has started dating a guy she seems to like. I would do anything to see her happy but its hard when you just want her to be happy with you. I don't want to make it seem like I am trying to sabotage her new thing but at the same time I don't want to let her go. I know what I want to do it just conflicts what my mind says I should do.
Author TE86 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 This is the "outer letter" I guess. Kind of a warning shot so she has time to not read the full thing if she's not ready. "Girls Full Name, It might have taken me five years to write this letter but I always just wanted to be sure. It has been my greatest downfall, my insecurity. Its always been my very nature to be cautious and safe. So this is my letter to you. Always, My Full Name " Enclosed letter... " First let me start by apologizing for all the wrong I have done. You were with me through the thick and thin. Thank you. While its true we have had our rough times over the years you have always been my girl. Your warm heart countered my cold calculated thoughts. Your smile was what I woke up for. You made me the best I could ever be. You were always right and I hated it. But I appreciate every thing you taught me. To me its funny and cruel how things work out. Now all I can ever think about are the moments we had. The material things mean nothing without you here. When I look back and think about my life, everything is with you. It’s almost foreign to recall recent memories without you. You have been there always and I am almost lost without you. I always spoke of having to be without you for me to appreciate you being gone. Was that about the most retarded thing in the World? Well, it worked. And here I am writing my swan song of sorts. Or maybe this is just a collection of thoughts, a window to my heart and feelings. So I caught myself a rambling man. But what I really wrote this letter for was to express how I feel: I miss you, I love you, I feel dumb, I feel clear headed and jealous. Even if you tear this up into pieces I had to send it. Against all advice, I can’t not try. You are the one worth fighting for. The roles have been reversed, I will be waiting for you forever and always. Love, "
Numb79 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Dont send it. You need to ask yourself this.... if you really wanted to be with her... then why didn't you commit earlier in the relationship? Another thing, women don't just break up out of no where. Their decision has been thought about long before they decided to pull the trigger. When the decision is made... it is generally final. On another note.... if you feel this will help you with some type of closure, something that YOU MUST do.... then do it! But at the same time, be prepared for the worst. Now that I think abou it.... Don't even listen to me! I am in the same boat. Been with the girl for 5 years..... thinking about writing an email.... but I have been doing so well with NC. Ahhhh!!! I am just as confused as you are!!
sweetheart5381 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Do you remember why you broke up? Why couldn't you "pull the trigger" and has that changed? Do you want her back so you can appease your guilt or to genuinely make her a priority in your life? Why did these feelings only occur after she was with a new man? If I were her, I would question these things heavily. I heard the "I just wanted to be sure" and what I actually heard was "There may be better out there". That's death to a relationship when the other party gave it everything they had. If you weren't sure after 5 yrs together, then why would that change in a few short months? Just sayin.
Author TE86 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 Yeah I feel you man. I would like to say I didn't commit because I always thought the "grass was greener" if you know what I mean. To be fair she didn't end it. I pretty much just broke her heart for the last time and she asked me to stop because it hurt her too bad. Maybe I am more mature now and got the "need to go sleep with everything" phase out of me. The partying just kind of leaves you empty and the new girls just don't compare.
Author TE86 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 Do you remember why you broke up? Why couldn't you "pull the trigger" and has that changed? Do you want her back so you can appease your guilt or to genuinely make her a priority in your life? Why did these feelings only occur after she was with a new man? If I were her, I would question these things heavily. I heard the "I just wanted to be sure" and what I actually heard was "There may be better out there". That's death to a relationship when the other party gave it everything they had. If you weren't sure after 5 yrs together, then why would that change in a few short months? Just sayin. Thats pretty much what I think about. My issue with commitment you pretty much hit on the head. It mostly circled around my job, money, etc. I went through a somewhat philosophical change over since I got my new job. Everything I thought I wanted just kind of didn't mean as much. I kind of transitioned to being about the moments/adventures/travels from the material things. She was the girl I was supposed to do all those things with but I was always too busy to fit it in the schedule. I went from being the kind of guy that didn't take vacation because I had things to do to almost an exact 180. I am not going to lie. I am sure the new guy is kind of a catalyst and has shown me what I have taken for granted. There lies my dilemma. I know exactly what it looks like but always took her for granted. I want to fight for her, which I never had to do, but I am torn. I really would do anything to see her happy. Including walking away emotionally from her or physically from my job. The second half is the step I was never willing to take before. Lately though my priorities have changed.
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