The Thought Kills Me

[ConfoosedOne]

So I was just dumped by my ex-girlfriend two days ago. We were together for five months. I was her first boyfriend and she was the first girl to actually treat me right and make me happy...for a time. It's funny how things work. Before we started dating, I didn't even pay that much attention to her and only later from her friends, did I realize how much she admired me from behind the scenes and how badly she wanted to make me smile. The first four months were spectacular. We went to so many places we wanted to go, we saw so many things we wanted to see, and we loved each other passionately in the meantime. Call it puppy love if you wanna, but it seemed pretty real to me. My parents adored her. This was the first girl that they actually thought was perfect for me. I felt what they felt. But then, things started changing. Her and I are part of a very prestigious program in our school called the Eagle Regiment. Basically, its our school marching band. It has become such a central part of our lives. She's in the color guard, and I'm a 2-year marcher. Both of us take it very seriously but at the same time, we knew when to have fun. Marching season ends for me in November, but a different guard program starts up for her in December called the Winter Guard. This program puts every girl participant under loads of stress. It ends somewhere in early April. This stress has torn her apart, because it has drastically undermined her grades, and her parents are on the verge of divorce. Now, as a good boyfriend would do, I sympathized with her and told her reassuringly nearly every day during the 5 months we were together that if she ever needed to vent to someone, I was right here. She did. But in the last month, after I thought she was so physically clingy to me (which I adored), her attention to me began to diminish. The anvil of stress on her shoulders was getting heavier. My patience grew thin at one point (for I am a very emotional person and I love being paid attention to). See, the thing is, when I say that I wanted attention, I did not mean that I wanted her to take time out of her busy life to hang out with me. I simply wanted her to acknowledge my existence with some affection every now and again. She knew what I wanted and desperately tried to figure out how to make that happen, but she never did it in the end. In the last week, my tolerance went out the door. I became really upset (stupid mistake, I know). This really alarmed her because she hates it when people are mad at her. She was flustered and didn't know what to do. I told her I wasn't mad, but she refused to believe me. And then, at the end of the school day, I saw her gathered among her friends (close friends of mine as well) and the look on her face was of complete and utter devastation. She took me by the hand to a secluded place nearby and broke the news to me. Apparently, MY "clingyness" was causing her even more stress than I was aware of and she felt that with her kind of busy life, she couldn't hold down a boyfriend. While she was doing it, she wouldn't stop crying and kept saying sorry. She left the scene in tears and I went home and bawled like there was no tomorrow. Yesterday, I was obliged to volunteer at one of her Winter Guard performances, which was hosted by my school. With hard work for 9 hours, my mind was occupied. When I saw her getting ready for her show, my heart dropped. When the show was over (and it was amazing!), my team and I went to go congratulate the guard. I congratulated everyone except her. She was all smiles with all her friends and I thought to myself, "How is it that the same girl who was crying about having to break up with me YESTERDAY, is smiling TODAY like nothing happened?" I am extremely confused, I am lost, and I am distraught, for this was my longest relationship to date. How could she be so fine the next day? Is she really holding up well without me? Is she trying to be strong for her friends? Or is she hiding it all behind a mask of happiness? I am directing this thread to those who might have some good insight on this.

 

All feedback is appreciated.

[g450]

Pull up a chair and listen carefully.

 

It's a defense mechanism and it's mostly for show. Dont take it personally.

 

My XW did the same thing. She was an absolute darling around everyone except me, my Son and a few people who (like us) questioned her sanity.

She seemed as giddy as a school girl on prom night.

 

Used to kill me when she acted like that. Here my world was falling apart all around me and she was acting like she didnt have a care in the world when she talked to her fair weather friends. It was surreal.

 

Unfortunately for you this means basically that she was planning on leaving you for quite some time now and is more than comfortable with her decision.

 

What your mission is now is to become just as comfortable with the idea of her NOT being in your life and start a new life for yourself. And thank God that you did not marry her and have to deal with divorce etc.

[Gigi70]

So I was just dumped by my ex-girlfriend two days ago. We were together for five months. I was her first boyfriend and she was the first girl to actually treat me right and make me happy...for a time. It's funny how things work. Before we started dating, I didn't even pay that much attention to her and only later from her friends, did I realize how much she admired me from behind the scenes and how badly she wanted to make me smile. The first four months were spectacular. We went to so many places we wanted to go, we saw so many things we wanted to see, and we loved each other passionately in the meantime. Call it puppy love if you wanna, but it seemed pretty real to me. My parents adored her. This was the first girl that they actually thought was perfect for me. I felt what they felt. But then, things started changing. Her and I are part of a very prestigious program in our school called the Eagle Regiment. Basically, its our school marching band. It has become such a central part of our lives. She's in the color guard, and I'm a 2-year marcher. Both of us take it very seriously but at the same time, we knew when to have fun. Marching season ends for me in November, but a different guard program starts up for her in December called the Winter Guard. This program puts every girl participant under loads of stress. It ends somewhere in early April. This stress has torn her apart, because it has drastically undermined her grades, and her parents are on the verge of divorce. Now, as a good boyfriend would do, I sympathized with her and told her reassuringly nearly every day during the 5 months we were together that if she ever needed to vent to someone, I was right here. She did. But in the last month, after I thought she was so physically clingy to me (which I adored), her attention to me began to diminish. The anvil of stress on her shoulders was getting heavier. My patience grew thin at one point (for I am a very emotional person and I love being paid attention to). See, the thing is, when I say that I wanted attention, I did not mean that I wanted her to take time out of her busy life to hang out with me. I simply wanted her to acknowledge my existence with some affection every now and again. She knew what I wanted and desperately tried to figure out how to make that happen, but she never did it in the end. In the last week, my tolerance went out the door. I became really upset (stupid mistake, I know). This really alarmed her because she hates it when people are mad at her. She was flustered and didn't know what to do. I told her I wasn't mad, but she refused to believe me. And then, at the end of the school day, I saw her gathered among her friends (close friends of mine as well) and the look on her face was of complete and utter devastation. She took me by the hand to a secluded place nearby and broke the news to me. Apparently, MY "clingyness" was causing her even more stress than I was aware of and she felt that with her kind of busy life, she couldn't hold down a boyfriend. While she was doing it, she wouldn't stop crying and kept saying sorry. She left the scene in tears and I went home and bawled like there was no tomorrow. Yesterday, I was obliged to volunteer at one of her Winter Guard performances, which was hosted by my school. With hard work for 9 hours, my mind was occupied. When I saw her getting ready for her show, my heart dropped. When the show was over (and it was amazing!), my team and I went to go congratulate the guard. I congratulated everyone except her. She was all smiles with all her friends and I thought to myself, "How is it that the same girl who was crying about having to break up with me YESTERDAY, is smiling TODAY like nothing happened?" I am extremely confused, I am lost, and I am distraught, for this was my longest relationship to date. How could she be so fine the next day? Is she really holding up well without me? Is she trying to be strong for her friends? Or is she hiding it all behind a mask of happiness? I am directing this thread to those who might have some good insight on this.

 

All feedback is appreciated.

 

How old ARE you exactly?