She wanted to break up, not just because of the distance, but for the 'experience'.

March 4, 2012

Hi all,

Me and my girlfriend had been going out for nearly 11 months. We are both at University in the UK and are around 250 miles apart, however at home we live a ten minute walk away. She is studying medicine and so its quite a demanding course, and I study Business.

Last summer was great, we loved eachother, spent most days together, never argued, and agreed that the only thing that would break us up would be the distance. Since the new year, her texts have been less enthusiastic and it began to feel like I was an inconvenience to her. Before christmas, we skyped...a lot, but since the new year we have done so once.

Anyway, on Tuesday she sent a test saying that she is busy and cant text for a few days. So I sent a text saying that I feel i'm an inconvenience, we both went on skype, and we both agreed to break up, however it was probably her more than me. She was my first for everything, and she said that she wants me to have a Uni experience. Despite breaking up we are staying friends and keep texting eachother.

On the night, she said that she probably wont see me till may, despite me offering many a time to go and see her. But in the texts she has sent over the last 3 days, on 4 of the occasions she said its weird being single and that who knows what might hapen over summer

On friday night I went out, and my mates got with some girls, which left me. I didn't particularly want to, and I was telling her about it last night and she was encouraging me to do it. I said it still feels weird to me, to which she replied with, "i think its an experience we both need".

On the night we broke up, barely 2 hours after it, one of her 'close friends' (a boy) at uni, got on her facebook and joked about us being back together, and she just laughed it off. I commented on the status, after seeing it saying that there was no need to put that, but it ended there.

Now she has always said her and this lad are good friends, like brother and sister, but when she keeps mentioning 'the experience' i keep thinking to myself that she wants this guy. To be honest if she is going to sleep around, then I would rather it be a one night casual thing, than one with her flatmate.

Basically though, I still love this girl, and Im really confused, becasue she wants to stay friends and chat and everything for know. But keeps mentioning what might happen in summer. What does everyone else think. I dont know what to do really. I hope to try and see her again over summer, but for now do you think she just wants to sleep with people?

tom

March 4, 2012

It sounds as though she wants the option of sex with others, though her primary interest is just to be unencumbered as a whole.

What is it YOU want though, Tom?

Understandably, you're reacting to all her wishes but what are your own?

Try to get clear on them.

Take her out of the equation for a minute and consider what you'd like in your own life.

What do you want your relationship experience to be?

If you'd want closeness in a relationship, getting it from this girl will be hard.

Her agenda is more distance.

If you want to feel wanted, she won't deliver as she's making less and less time for you.

Rather than think about this from her perspective, think about your own.

I hate to hear how you're being batted around.

March 4, 2012

well I want to be together, and I dont think she gave it a fair go. We have friends who are in a LDR and make sure that the maximum time they don't see each other for is one month. I think in a way she is to focused, and I have offered on countless number of occasions to go and see her.

One thing she has said before is that she finds it weird having her life at Uni then me from home, being there as well. I replied with something along the lines of, "well the whole thing about a relationship is encompassing the 2 lives together, and merging them into one".

However, I think in some way because we get on so well, and are going to remain friends, just because we are so laid back when we were together, plus we have the same friends at home, so it may take time but we will be friends. But I think I am kind of trying to hold on to her a bit too much, given she was my first serious Gf!

When at home, the closeness is real, but one thing I know about her is that she seems scared of anything real. To say we have been going out a year, when I mentioned it, it freaked her out.

I suppose what I prefer is a gf rather than pointless sex. For me it was never about the sex, I mean that was good, but I just enjoyed spending time with her. My friends at Uni always try to get with girls on a night out, and I'm not nearly confident/comfortable with that. I prefer to talk to a girl, get to know her that way, and actually do the normal thing and then ask her out. That freaks most people out, but I prefer it...

Whenever we are at home, I know she loves me and enjoys me being there, I just know that. It's just when we are away I think she forgets that.

I just dont know what to do. I mean over summer I would rather go out with her again, or nothing. Mainly becuase if I was sleeping with her, I would feel I couldnt talk to other girls and ask others out.

March 4, 2012

It sounds as though she wants the option of sex with others, though her primary interest is just to be unencumbered as a whole.

What is it YOU want though, Tom?
Understandably, you're reacting to all her wishes but what are your own?

Try to get clear on them.
Take her out of the equation for a minute and consider what you'd like in your own life.
What do you want your relationship experience to be?

If you'd want closeness in a relationship, getting it from this girl will be hard.
Her agenda is more distance.

If you want to feel wanted, she won't deliver as she's making less and less time for you.

Rather than think about this from her perspective, think about your own.
I hate to hear how you're being batted around.

Forgot to quote you lol

March 5, 2012

well I want to be together, and I dont think she gave it a fair go. We have friends who are in a LDR and make sure that the maximum time they don't see each other for is one month. I think in a way she is to focused, and I have offered on countless number of occasions to go and see her.

Mmmm, that can be hurtful.

It's difficult when effort isn't reciprocated.

It's not particularly healthy to keep trying for reciprocity either.

One thing she has said before is that she finds it weird having her life at Uni then me from home, being there as well. I replied with something along the lines of, "well the whole thing about a relationship is encompassing the 2 lives together, and merging them into one".

I agree with you.

The crux of the problem is her not wanting to merge while you do.

And so you wrestle with a solution, trying to keep her in your life while also trying to find some satisfaction/peace about it all.

But things aren't how you'd prefer them to be, are they?

Difficult.

However, I think in some way because we get on so well, and are going to remain friends, just because we are so laid back when we were together, plus we have the same friends at home, so it may take time but we will be friends. But I think I am kind of trying to hold on to her a bit too much, given she was my first serious Gf!

So understandable!

Yet, I heard something recently that may apply here, Tom.

"Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve."

March 5, 2012

Mmmm, that can be hurtful.
It's difficult when effort isn't reciprocated.
It's not particularly healthy to keep trying for reciprocity either.

I agree with you.

The crux of the problem is her not wanting to merge while you do.
And so you wrestle with a solution, trying to keep her in your life while also trying to find some satisfaction/peace about it all.
But things aren't how you'd prefer them to be, are they?

Difficult.

So understandable!

Yet, I heard something recently that may apply here, Tom.
"Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve."

I know, when at home though she is great, and is always nice about it. I just think its the fact she's away.

The fact she doesn't want me there almost makes me feel like an inconvenience in that sense, but at the same time just a convenience for when shes home.

Btw, that is a great quote which I think I will remember for a while, and perhaps look at to remind me.

One other thing tough is the fact that when I went out the other night, and she was texting me the next day asking how it was. When I said my friends pulled some girls and I didn't she kind of encouraged me to try and get with girls. When i said it was weird she said that she "thinks its something we both need". I can't help but think that that is her basically saying she either wants sex or has found someone else. Therefore encouraging me to sleep with someone so she doesnt feel as bad about doing it, or better if she already has.

March 6, 2012

One other thing tough is the fact that when I went out the other night, and she was texting me the next day asking how it was. When I said my friends pulled some girls and I didn't she kind of encouraged me to try and get with girls. When i said it was weird she said that she "thinks its something we both need". I can't help but think that that is her basically saying she either wants sex or has found someone else. Therefore encouraging me to sleep with someone so she doesnt feel as bad about doing it, or better if she already has.

:(

I'm sorry.

That is hurtful.

Sign In

She wanted to break up, not just because of the distance, but for the 'experience'.

Recommended Posts

Confused92

cerridwen

Confused92

Confused92

cerridwen

Confused92

cerridwen

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...