Squish Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I’ll try to keep this as short as I can. I’ve known this girl for 12 years, and we have been good friends for the last 6 or 7 years. She’s a lovely and friendly girl, who calls me her ‘best friend’ and always tells me how much she loves me (as a friend, nothing romantic). I’m getting married in a couple of months, and recently had my hen do. I arranged it 5 months before and she was very enthusiastic about both hen party and wedding, saying she wouldn’t miss it for the world. A week and a half before my hen do, she text me and said she couldn’t afford to come (she lives in a different city). I replied, offering suggestions on how she could cut back costs, but she ignored my suggestions as she’d clearly already made up her mind. She still owed me money for the hotel as I’d already paid it and couldn’t get it back, so I asked her for it, and she paid, but didn’t seem happy about it (this was all in text messages). I am usually quite a pushover, and I’m not sure if she was expecting me to say it was all okay, but I was upset and wanted to make sure she knew why. But afterwards, I apologised twice in the same text about being harsh, and tried to explain again why I was upset. I then asked her to really consider her finances for coming to the wedding. Her reply, which came straight away, was to tell me that she was upset at me for being inconsiderate of her situation and that ‘under the circumstances’ she won’t be coming to the wedding. I was very upset in my reply to that, as although I may have come across as being inconsiderate, I had also already apologised for that, twice. She didn’t text back. Anyway, that was 2 and a half weeks ago and I haven’t heard anything from her since. I’m now unsure of what to do next. My friends, and my dad, say that I should do nothing and wait for her to contact me. And part of me does want to do nothing and wait. But then another part of me feels that I should give this friendship another chance. We’ve never argued before and it just seems childish to sweep it under the carpet after one falling out. Should I be the one to take the first step and message her, even though I’ve not done anything wrong (apart from reacting harshly which I’ve already apologised twice for)? Or should I wait to see if she gets in touch? It’s not long till the wedding now, and I feel that if things stay the way they are and she doesn’t come, then I’ll never be able to get over it and that will be the end of the friendship.
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 If you want her to come to your wedding, offer to pay for her expenses. She cannot afford the cost of it. OR, what really is going on is, she hiding the hurt of you getting married. She is happy for you, but secretly has allowed herself to become too attached to you and it'll be too hard for her to see you get married. It is possible that she has deeper feelings for you than you realize. One thing, try talking on the phone! With texts, it's so easy to take things out of context or read words the wrong way. CALL her and sort this out.
Author Squish Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 Yeah you're completely right, actual talking is better. Thing is I'm not very good at it, and I know by the end of the conversation I won't have said the things I wanted to say. I prefer to spend time on writing out exactly what I want to say, because otherwise it won't get said or I'll say it wrong. I'm not good with conflict, and the thought of talking to her about it makes me feel a little sick. Offering to pay is a good idea. I think what I really want to know is whether it really is a money thing or something else. It wasn't really clear at the time, because as you said, messages can be misleading and difficult to understand. Thanks!
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