I am initiating NC but I want to know how I should proceed next.

[mymission]

Hi guys. I basically want some advice on what to do next. My boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. The first week I was so hurt and confused I was text terrorising him a bit. He said to me we need to cut all ties because we're just hurting each other more. So I haven't contacted him since then.

 

I'll give you a bit of background info. Basically for the first 10 months we were great, he loved me so much, he told me all the time. Just everything that can be good in a relationship. I was finishing Uni after these 10 months and we were planning on getting a flat together. But as it came down to it he decided it was too soon. So I moved back to my hometown and he lived in his home city which is about 2 hours away on the train. I got a job and saw him at the weekends. He used to tell me how much he missed me and that he didn't see me enough. So then my job ended after about 2 months. And he told me to get a job in his city and move in with him and his mum (cos we couldn't afford a flat). After that initial 10 months there was always something that was not quite the same, maybe the honeymoon period had worn off. But when I moved in with him that was it. He was miserable and snappy all the time, never made an effort. We argued loads and in the last 2 months we've threatened to break up a few times. The job I had was only part time so I decided to quit and move back to my hometown and we agreed to have a few weeks break and see how we would be after that. But I had to work my notice, so as I was staying there for the last week it was great! I thought we'd definitely be alright after a couple of weeks break and we wouldn't be under each others feet all the time. A week after I went home he cut it off completely and said he didn't want to be with me anymore. He said he didn't feel the same and it wasn't special anymore. He said he's felt like that for a while, and that he didnt really want to go along with the 'break' he just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Obviously I'm devastated and have been through all the break up emotions. And I do just want him back, but he said its irreconcilabe.

 

I was very close to his friends girlfriends and I've been invited to a babyshower that is being thrown for one of them. I'm going to go but it is literally right by his house in his home city. I'm not gonna run into him at any time and I feel like I should send him a text a day or 2 before it and see if he is free for a drink or whatever. It will be about the month mark by then of NC.

 

Could you tell me how to go about it or whether it is a good idea or not. I honestly think I'll get shot down cos he's very stubborn. But I feel like its the only chance I've got cos he's not literally round the corner.

 

Thanks

[Mme. Chaucer]

That's not "no contact."

[Cmac]

What good will it do to ask him out for a drink? None. It will make things harder, it will make things worse. Why put yourself through that? Chances are you won't be over this in a month so meeting him is not a good idea. Maintain NC.

[jassib]

DO NOT CONTACT HIM.... DO NOT SEND ANY THING

 

Change yr self and deliver this change to him and if he contacts you donot contact him

 

see i am now believe in NC it is a powerful way i am NC with my fiance 1 month 20 days

 

when changing yr self telling him it's ok that's the choice you have made i am ok with it no problem this will turn the tables i can feel it although i did not get results until now but i still feel it,

it will need time and effective change of yr self i dont know what type of change will fit you but for my situation as example trying to get a good job coz that was one of my arguments with my ex and changing my style my look do what she does not expect if she expect to be the same guy she will be shocked when she see me another guy the first one then i will deliver her a feeling that i am ready for another relation she will start analyze her self

 

do not contact him.. and start changing do not be around the places he will be in

 

if he tries to contact you by yr friends refuse and do not send a msg with yr friend for him just refuse like it's nothing to me

Edited March 4, 2012 by jassib

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't believe that NC is a way to make someone come back to you. It is a way to help yourself move on.

[leoc1973]

mymission, I was in the exact same situation as him. My ex lives a couple hundred miles away. She came home for a baby shower and I saw the pics on facebook and realized she was home and didn't even call me for a lousy half hour cup of coffee. Thats when it hit me that I really lost her. After that I wanted nothing more than her back.

 

It usually takes a month or 2 for it to hit a guy that your gone. The first little bit you feel relieved and that you can breathe again. Especially when you are always fighting. But if he loved you it will hit him and if it doesn't hit him then he didn't love you enough so be glad and find a guy that does.

[mymission]

That is a good point. I think he definitely would be expecting me to contact him if he knows about the baby shower which he should do.

[Numb79]

Like everyone has already said.... DO NOT BREAK NC!! Take everything at face value. ITS OVER!!.. as harsh as that may sound... It is the truth. You have to tell yourelf that it is OVER for good! The relationship did not work for a reason and to be honest...... you don't even have to know what the reason is. It won't change the fact that the other person decided it was no longer worth fighting for. STAY NC and start healing. We are all here advocating NC because we too are in the same shoes. Not only are we trying to persuade you but we are also trying to persuade ourselves. It your EX really wanted to work things out then they would contact you. They are doing whats best for themselves and its time that you do the same! If you don't look out for yourself.... who else will!? Keep telling yourself that its over and there is nothing that you can do to change that. The decision is not yours to make anymore. I know its a hard pill to swallow but its the truth. If you can't accept that.... then you are going to have a very long journey ahead of you. I have been broken up for 5 weeks with two txt msgs. One from her and one from me. Thats it!! I will be honest and tell you that it is a struggle everyday! But in the end.... you will be glad that you did it. Rather than focusing your energy on wether you should contact or not.... focus it on staying NC!! I know its easier said than done.... but we have your back!!