Yasuandio Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Many people admit to charges they do not agree with to facilitate or even eliminate a process, or reduce charges. I've heard of many instances where the quick route was not necessarily the best one. 1. Admitting to reckless driving to get out of a DUI. 2. Agree with caseworker assessment in order to avoid potential reapplication of supervision order (that may involve daughter staying in foster care until trial if you do not coorperate - sounds like blackmail) 3. Admitting to child endangerment in order to avoid child abuse charges. 4. Just plead no contest to a phony stalking charge from angry girlfriend, cause it isn't worth the time, effort, and aggravation to deal with her. In exchange, no trial, no jury, no jailtime, just two years probation, done and done. (he forgot about the felony on his record for life). My point is to put you situation, as best as I could interpret it in the context of other similar deals. Once you admit anything, it is on the record againest you, and you've essentially pleady guilty before your trial date. Something really stinks about this. Unless you really are guilt of what this casework says, if you plan to admit it - I'd damn well find out what the possible consequences are. I'd rather have you before a judge that sees you are not the typical parent that comes before him. Can you see an attorney? If you flip this situation around, what stake does the caseworker have in getting you to sign off on her observations? She is in a paid position, and must be evaluated in some manner. May there be some connection in her ability to make you admit to a crime, essentially, before your day in court (and holding your daughter hostage to get that signature)? If that'd the case, something is wrong. I would visit her supervisor and explain the options given you. Perhaps I misunderstood this. I hope so. Yas
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Do you have a weekly medical appointment that will vet your sanity and sound mental health on a regular basis? Just some ideas to ponder. I know nothing about Canada. Have you considered relocating out of their system? you brought up a couple of points that I hadn't considered: 1. I dont think that it is necessary after the feedback I received to continue to do weekly sessions to ensure to them my Mental health. I am completely chock-blocked as it is with their terms, which is why things are proceeding quickly. On Wednesdays for instance I have between 3-5 appointments. 2. Relocating out of their system as relocating out of Canada. Now that it's been brought up, we are totally considering it. We have been looking into Austrailia as our first choice. Their lifestyle/economy is the most similar to us. As well it is a loooonnnngggg way from all of this. 3. Apparently there is a way to get the record erased, we'll see.... I need to talk to my lawyer. Unfortunately he is $300/hour.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 Many people admit to charges they do not agree with to facilitate or even eliminate a process, or reduce charges. I've heard of many instances where the quick route was not necessarily the best one. 1. Admitting to reckless driving to get out of a DUI. 2. Agree with caseworker assessment in order to avoid potential reapplication of supervision order (that may involve daughter staying in foster care until trial if you do not coorperate - sounds like blackmail) 3. Admitting to child endangerment in order to avoid child abuse charges. 4. Just plead no contest to a phony stalking charge from angry girlfriend, cause it isn't worth the time, effort, and aggravation to deal with her. In exchange, no trial, no jury, no jailtime, just two years probation, done and done. (he forgot about the felony on his record for life). My point is to put you situation, as best as I could interpret it in the context of other similar deals. Once you admit anything, it is on the record againest you, and you've essentially pleady guilty before your trial date. Something really stinks about this. Unless you really are guilt of what this casework says, if you plan to admit it - I'd damn well find out what the possible consequences are. I'd rather have you before a judge that sees you are not the typical parent that comes before him. Can you see an attorney? If you flip this situation around, what stake does the caseworker have in getting you to sign off on her observations? She is in a paid position, and must be evaluated in some manner. May there be some connection in her ability to make you admit to a crime, essentially, before your day in court (and holding your daughter hostage to get that signature)? If that'd the case, something is wrong. I would visit her supervisor and explain the options given you. Perhaps I misunderstood this. I hope so. Yas The whole thing is mentally/emotionally/financially exhausting. I need to talk to my lawyer. I have a very stinky feeling that she may have to remain in care and I have to fight the supervision order. That runs another $10000 as well. Not to mention the anguish.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 I had no idea you were going through all of this. It would seem like this IS his wake up call. If this can't motivate him to stay clean and sober, I don't know if anything will. You know that I'm not in a good place to be giving advice about all of this, but I do wish you the very best. I hope your daughter gets to come home soon. You have much more strength and perserverance than I do. Stay strong! I would tend to agree: if he doesn't stay sober, then it isn't worth it. I don't see a way that those neurons would ever fire in the right direction. He's actually been doing really well lately. I have been pretty depressed the last couple of nights. Considering how broke he is, school and the rest of this, I don't know how he hasnt buckled yet.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Author Posted March 9, 2012 We went to MC today. It was calm and nice. I like this counselor much better then our last one, she used to freak out periodically and I still find myself I internally cringing when I have to share "unpopular" feelings because of it. H was great. It was nice to see us both actually consciously acknowledge our family's toxic patterns; I.e. Everything is always your fault or responsibility but if you do anything good, it isn't credited to you. I think we are still kind of catching the therapist up and so we haven't made any major headway yet, except that I know sharing feelings with each other causes us both anxiety.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Last night my h revealed something very personal and relevant. I personally see how easily it could be at the core of his addictive issues. He has been trying to find ways to talk to me for over a week now. I am grateful he trusted me with it. I think it is pretty groundbreaking. It actually makes my decisions harder. But it also brings us closer.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Annual Steak and a Blowjob Day was a hit! LOL --------------------- We also started our parenting assessment today. I feel sick to my stomach. The questions are aimed at my childhood history: all of that is terrible. I feel prejudged by our assessor. I think that she isn't as impartial as she would like to say. My defenses are up super-high. My roommate is out in two weeks. My living room is full of her stuff. My stress is climbing. I hate Wednesdays.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 I feel awful. I hate being sick by myself. (not that I want someone to be sick with me, get it?) And I have to work today, not an option. Ugh. This weekend was awful. I spent a lot of time on LS and not much else. I think I am avoiding all of the marital and daughter stuff that came up this week and I don't think I want to do the return trip to reality yet either. At least I get to see my little cutie tomorrow. H will be staying over with me tonight. See how that goes.
trippi1432 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 DOT...I will tell you something that my daughter has told me for years, you are the strongest woman I know!! Focus...there are many who will tell you that marriage is about putting your spouse first, BUT, children are an unconditional love bond that you will always have even at your lowest, even at their lowest. I've never known a single man who could compare to that type of unconditional love and care and love me in a single breath, as I do my own even at their worst. Why is that? Because when we let our children follow their own path without marking it out for them and have expectations that they do a/b/c, we value them for who they really are. They are ours....a part of you and the person you loved, meant to be in such a little, tiny package. As women, we learn how to put a man first, put ourselves first, be a Mom first, be a wife first, be a worker, a student, wear so many hats, while getting the love we should know comes last. Tomorrow, it's not about the roommate, the husband, the past...it's about the present. Get you and your daughter straight...the rest will fall in line if is was destined to, and if he doesn't, rest assured you never needed him to begin with. You are strong!! Hugs!! 3
findingnemo Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 DOT, you've been through so much I can't begin to imagine. And all this time you support so many here. You're strong and can do this. I have no specific advise except that you keep going. (((((((Hugs))))))))
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