Oxy Moronovich Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Women are always going to have more options. Most women have endless options Most guys are just looking for any woman who might have any interest in him. If this is true, then why do so many women get into LTR with deadbeats, losers, and abusers?
carhill Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 For the relationships which turned out to be deadbeats, losers and abusers, of the ladies here on LS who found themselves in one, I'd be curious to find out if it started that way or became evident over time. Most people, when they're surveying their options, especially those attractive to them, put on their best possible demeanor and appearance. Such can be deceiving. Time generally reveals all truths. The deadbeat can be 'self employed'. The loser 'a misunderstood artist'. The abuser 'charming'. Marketing can create a compelling image. In my generation, such men were called 'smooth talkers'. I recall, when a young man, gazing on in amazement as the young ladies would blow past me in their zeal to get at such men. Now I just chuckle. They were rightfully exercising their options. Good on them. 1
Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 If this is true, then why do so many women get into LTR with deadbeats, losers, and abusers? Because some have horrible taste in men. There are famous women with tons of options that still somehow seem to be stuck on the biggest jerks they can find. I don't know what it is but any man with a head on his shoulders should know enough to stay away from women like that.
johan Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Because some have horrible taste in men. There are famous women with tons of options that still somehow seem to be stuck on the biggest jerks they can find. True. But on the other hand there's Jennifer Aniston.
xxoo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 From what I see there are plenty of people of both genders who are over 40 and still have not learned a damn thing. But after 40, having learned a few things, it is much easier to identify and avoid those who haven't learned.
Woggle Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 True. But on the other hand there's Jennifer Aniston. What about her?
Woggle Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 But after 40, having learned a few things, it is much easier to identify and avoid those who haven't learned. This is true. Those who are capable of having a healthy relationship know what red flags to look for.
mesmerized Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Well enjoy the attention while it lasts honey because every year that goes by dramatically reduces your chances of finding someone. Soon those 40+ year old guys trying to pick you up will be gone and be replaced with 60+ year old guys. You're almost 35 for crying out loud...if no man has found you to be a suitable companion yet what makes you think you have any right to be picky? This is hilarious! and you say you're sweet and not bitter? lol I have no idea about 40+ year old women but my friends is their thirties mainly dated younger men. It's waay more common that you guys think. Only in the forum world it's considered a big deal. Heck I'm in my twenties and younger men/men around my age are the ones who are the most interested in me not even guys in their thirties!
veggirl Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I've never noticed much of a difference among 40+ singletons and their "options". None have people beating down their doors, but all go on dates and start/end relationships. I think the vast difference dudes on LS go on and on about exists solely on LS and in their minds.
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 No bubbles to burst as I consider any woman young enough to be my daughter to be off-limits, so no younger than mid thirties. These ladies looked to be peers or early 40's. In my neck of the woods I still call women 'young ladies' and 'ma'am' so it's just a vernacular. OK then. Men can call me a "young lady" at any age I have .
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 For the relationships which turned out to be deadbeats, losers and abusers, of the ladies here on LS who found themselves in one, I'd be curious to find out if it started that way or became evident over time. Most people, when they're surveying their options, especially those attractive to them, put on their best possible demeanor and appearance. Such can be deceiving. Time generally reveals all truths. The deadbeat can be 'self employed'. The loser 'a misunderstood artist'. The abuser 'charming'. Marketing can create a compelling image. In my generation, such men were called 'smooth talkers'. I recall, when a young man, gazing on in amazement as the young ladies would blow past me in their zeal to get at such men. Now I just chuckle. They were rightfully exercising their options. Good on them. Carhill, first of all, I have rarely found myself in a relationship with a loser and an abuser. I have however been on a considerable number of dates with guys who were losers. Their online profile seemed OK but in reality they had no manners. I can only speak for myself but I don't enter a relationship with a guy who seems to be abusive or a liar. I rarely fall in love and if I do it is because a guy seems to be genuinely nice and seems to care about me. So it's only with time that certain bad characteristics come to the surface. And then you don't break it off immediately because you keep hoping that the nice guy of the beginning will come back. That's the trick of such people: they lure you into a relationship and once you are hooked they start to treat you badly. The only reason why they do it is to control you. If you never know whether the nice or the bad person shows up, you will be very careful all the time. I don't think that the "women prefer bad guys" applies to a lot of women. But of course we don't like insecure men. I myself look in a relationship for emotional security (I am taking care of my material security myself), for having the feeling that someone really cares for me and is on my side no matter what happens. A guy with a fragile ego can't give you that and you have to care for that ego all the time. That's extremely exhausting. A lot of guys complain that they can't get dates. Well I can tell them that it all starts with showing some genuine interest in a woman and taking good care of yourself. However, a lot of those guys are only interested in their own ego and that is what makes them unattractive in our eyes.
USMCHokie Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 For the relationships which turned out to be deadbeats, losers and abusers, of the ladies here on LS who found themselves in one, I'd be curious to find out if it started that way or became evident over time. Most people, when they're surveying their options, especially those attractive to them, put on their best possible demeanor and appearance. Such can be deceiving. Time generally reveals all truths. The deadbeat can be 'self employed'. The loser 'a misunderstood artist'. The abuser 'charming'. Marketing can create a compelling image. In my generation, such men were called 'smooth talkers'. I recall, when a young man, gazing on in amazement as the young ladies would blow past me in their zeal to get at such men. Now I just chuckle. They were rightfully exercising their options. Good on them. I can't like this post enough...
bac Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 And your claim that most women have countless options is groundbreaking news for the millions of single women out there. As for the single women (younger probably than 60), they do have countless options for ONSs if they look OK or half-OK.
Woggle Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 For the women who say they look for a guy who will be on their side and care for them no matter what happens would you be willing to do the same for a man?
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 As for the single women (younger probably than 60), they do have countless options for ONSs if they look OK or half-OK. I think a lot of women, including myself, are not interested in ONS. We want a relationship.
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 For the women who say they look for a guy who will be on their side and care for them no matter what happens would you be willing to do the same for a man? Of course. But only if he treats me nicely. Not if he is mean and disrespectful for me. My past relationships have taught me that I know how to love but unfortunately I have so far not found a man who really loved me. Their loss.
Emilia Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 True. But on the other hand there's Jennifer Aniston. She is a bit of an idiot though from what I have read and seen. I think Pitt got bored.
Emilia Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 (edited) I think the number of options are limited by yourself more than by any other factors in your life. It will always depend on what you are prepared to compromise on and what matters to you at a particular time in your life. In your early 20s it is likely to be your insecurities that limit you, from your late 20s to your late 30s most women will want to start thinking about kids, get married and that will limit them on the type of relationships they are prepared to take on. I'm 40 later this year and all of a sudden I understand what other older women have said about feeling liberated: I can do what I bloody well want because kids and getting by on looks are not on the cards anymore. As my life is moving in a very specific direction and as (touch wood) my financial independence is growing, I can screen men in a purely sexual way and whether I can tolerate them long term. I don't have to worry about their being husband or father material or getting married or anything like that anymore. I'm almost 40 therefore they don't expect me to look like Megan Fox. I have started boxing because I only have another 10 years before I really start showing my age and I don't care whether I break my nose (ok that's extreme but you get the idea) So currently I'm talking to guys in their 20s because I still look reasonable for my age and some enjoy an older woman. I like their energy and they like mine. When I'm 50 I'll get together with a pot-bellied balding guy and we get some cats and dogs Edited March 5, 2012 by Emilia 1
El Brujo Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I do not want to be the kind of person that gets some sick glee from older men growing old and alone. But there seems to be a good chunk of the male population that gets a sick glee at the idea of women getting older and being alone. Hey, wait a minute---it's the women who get some kind of sick glee from men being old and alone!!! It's called "schadenfreude", and it's an overwhelmingly feminine emotion. As for me, you may wonder why I'm not out at bars, practicing my "hey, bebbeh"... the answer is, I've missed out on a lot of living, and now I'm starting to make up for it... making $$$ by selling my books, doing event hosting, sh** like that. Now that I'm finally making enough money to do the things I've always wanted (ok, so some of those things aren't exactly legal, like the hacking stuff), why should I hitch up with some woman who probably has no idea what she wants??? I admit that I'm pretty stupid, but I'm not quite THAT stupid.
Titania22 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 For the women who say they look for a guy who will be on their side and care for them no matter what happens would you be willing to do the same for a man? I not only would, but I have. And he left me in the end.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Hey, wait a minute---it's the women who get some kind of sick glee from men being old and alone!!! It's called "schadenfreude", and it's an overwhelmingly feminine emotion. As for me, you may wonder why I'm not out at bars, practicing my "hey, bebbeh"... the answer is, I've missed out on a lot of living, and now I'm starting to make up for it... making $$$ by selling my books, doing event hosting, sh** like that. Now that I'm finally making enough money to do the things I've always wanted (ok, so some of those things aren't exactly legal, like the hacking stuff), why should I hitch up with some woman who probably has no idea what she wants??? I admit that I'm pretty stupid, but I'm not quite THAT stupid. I had to google "shcandenfreud". I don't know any woman that is happy when men have misfortune. I do know women that are happy when other women have misfortune though. And I don't remember saying you had to hitch up with a woman that didn't know what she wanted. Although, you probably should lay off the illegal stuff.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I know of a few women that are in their early 50's, but look like they are in their 30's and are attractive to me as an actual 30 year old man. Granted, they've had plastic surgery, but in their case it does not show at all. This is a bit of any oxymoron. It's probably because of the plastic surgery that you like them. Therefore, it does show. Just not in a way that showcases the fact that you are attracted to someone that has to use surgery or injections to acheive that look. Basically, you like the illusion of how she appears then the reality that real women usually age.
aj22one Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Well I'll be quite honest I find these two "older" women attractive: Shakira Caine and Iman
lino Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 From what I've seen, it seems pretty even. I think only rich guys have the real upper hand in the more senior years.
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