Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I love this topic. Dating and meeting people for a healthy serious relationship is hard no matter your age. People keep looking for this "magic" number where "it gets better" or "gets worse" for one gender. It doesn't exist! Or if it does, that magic number was when you were 10 and life was easy and your mom and dad took care of everything for you. Do you know how I know that there is no grown-up magic number? Because many young women and men talk about their dating struggles. Age does not make issues non-existant. Young women complain about how men only want to hook up in their teens and 20s and men complain that the hot girls aren't intersted in them or don't approach them. When you get older, it's basically the same story, just with a mortgage, kids and a few more wrinkles. It is not easier for one gender of the other EVER. We all have our personal struggles with the other gender and things to learn or work on in the dating field. There is no "magic" number where problems cease to exist. Most regular men in the regular world don't hit 40 and then all the sudden turn into Brad Pitt. Most regular women don't hit 40 and turn into shriveld old prunes. And men that want to foster this attitude of themselves and women are making a very distinct, and strangly inaccurate assesment of the real world. And one that speaks more of a disparity of their feelings to women in general then anything else. Younger ladies, here is a tip for you. Stay away from men that make your age the most important thing about you. They prove not to be good partners for the simple fact that they put your worth in your ability to be and remain young. And we all know how unrealistic that is. Sure, cute young women at the club might have more men approach them, (most men at the club are young themselves), but what these men approach them for might not even be what these cute young women want. Such as quick, easy hook-up sex. Which alot of young men are into instead of steady relationships. Sure, some insecure older men might like to believe that when they get older the 20 year old girl is going to want him, the reality is she is probably just using him for the money and some fun before she settles down with a guy closer to her own age. I dated older men when I was younger. I won't get into all the details of why but those men all wanted to settle down with me and at my age, I wasn't ready for that. As I got older, I saw how much easier it was to be with a older man because he didn't expect anything of me but to be young and pretty. But as I grew, I knew I needed more. I needed a man that I could experience life with, not one that already experienced it. And I found the connection I made with men my own age much more fulfilling them those of the older men. Not because these older men were "bad", but because I simly didn't relate to them in the way I did to men my own age. Men my own age where much more exciting and challenging. Which is one of the reasons I went to older men because I was not very confident with men my age and they made me more nervous and older men didn't have that affect on me. I do not want to be the kind of person that gets some sick glee from older men growing old and alone. But there seems to be a good chunk of the male population that gets a sick glee at the idea of women getting older and being alone. That says more about that man that it does of any reality an older woman might or could live in. I do suspect there will be more single people in older age and I personally think there is something sad in that. I unfortunetly think people rather live in their little boxed fantasy world where they fullfill certain needs on the surface with tv, movies, books and the internet; then go out and interact with real people with their real imperfections and their real difficultues and issues just because it is infact "easier" to stay in that little box. I suspect more and more people are doing that. I suspect more men are doing that. Just look at how often we hear about men that say proudly that, "of course men are taking themselves out of the game because women are just so gosh darn difficult." YES! Welcome to the real world. Women ARE difficult. They are human beings. Not fantasies. But guess what guys? You are difficult too. I rather die trying to have a real relationship then live in my own littled boxed world of fantasies just because it was easier. I however don't think a lot of men feel the same way. Which is why they proudly, and sadly, feel good that they took themselves "out of the game". Simply because it's "easier". And so? What happens? People spend their time infront of their computers and acting like that's a good thing because their life is "drama free". They rather jerk off to a 20 year old in porn then relate to a real woman their own age. 5
Author sid3 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 True, women are difficult, in part because men often make them so much more difficult than they really are, myself included sometimes. I probably should have stated "Options for finding a relationship" or something like that in my OP.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Excluding online dating, would you say on average men have more options or do women? I think it depends on the person. I would guess that on average men tend to do a bit better. It's easier for them to date downwards in age, while women don't have that luxury. To be quite frank, this is because men tend to be more shallow regarding looks when selecting a mate. Women tend to be more shallow regarding power and wealth which is something men 40+ have more than men in their 20's.
grkBoy Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I think it depends on the person in question. A 40 year old male with bad skin, bad teeth, a beer gut, bald head, bad fashion sense, crappy job, and a boring life will look just as unattractive to women as a fat single mom of two working as a diner waitress. There is no "magic age" where suddenly pretty women choose bland, average, or even ugly guys. No "magic age" when guys who love to stay "single and banging" will suddenly give up that life to settle for a Plain Jane or a woman with a messed up life in marriage and loyalty. Sorry to be blunt, but when I see topics like this I roll my eyes because it's yet again people thinking everything is supposed to get better when you get older. I personally think for many things get better PARTIALLY because tastes change, but also because the person in question has grown and evolved into someone the opposite gender wants. I see plenty of losers and winners in older ages. It really comes down to the life you lead and what you do with it. 4
Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 It depends on the individual. You can't say all women or all men are the same so you can't say who has more options. I do think people who struggle at a young age tend to have their prime in older age and that goes for both genders. Nerds and outcasts tend to age well.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 True, women are difficult, in part because men often make them so much more difficult than they really are, myself included sometimes. I probably should have stated "Options for finding a relationship" or something like that in my OP. Men are difficult too Sid. For women they are at least. Heck, even in relationships with the same gender, I am sure there are still difficulties. People are difficult. Sitting infront of your computer and going through profiles and critquing people is easy. Sitting infront of your computer and spending your nights mastrubating is easy. Sitting infront of your tv watching a movie that strikes those emotional spots for you is easy. Real life isn't. I jsut wonder how much people are escaping into fantasy life over real life. Where they do the barest minimal to get by. Such as go to work but them come home and escape into these pleasure centers. Whether they be tv, computer...whatever. 2
Andy_K Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Here's an observation: Check out a speed dating event which caters to men and women of different age groups on a 1:1 gender ratio. What you'll generally find is the following: In the 20-30 group, the men's places get filled much faster. In the 30-40 group, it's about the same In the 40+ group, women's places fill up first. 1
bac Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 True, women are difficult, in part because men often make them so much more difficult than they really are, myself included sometimes. I probably should have stated "Options for finding a relationship" or something like that in my OP. If you mean a R, an older woman has a very little chance. A man in 40s has a very good chance if he is a BF/husband material. There are many men in 40s who are simply not a BF/husband material. That is why they have no chance for a R. They have multiple problems in multiple areas: mental diseases, addictions, personality disorders, no education, no decent job, and many other problems.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Here's an observation: Check out a speed dating event which caters to men and women of different age groups on a 1:1 gender ratio. What you'll generally find is the following: In the 20-30 group, the men's places get filled much faster. In the 30-40 group, it's about the same In the 40+ group, women's places fill up first. This pretty much sums it up. But few people wanna point this out for fear of offending the women.
bac Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I have to laugh at your claims that women in their twentys are all mindless bimbos. I know for a fact that I've dated women in that age group who are better educated than you, better traveled than you and who could run circles around you when it comes to intelligent conversation. And all without being bitter, crusty manhaters. Your generalization of younger women is just another way of deflecting blame away from yourself. If you convince yourself that "Men would only date a younger women over me because they're looking for easy sex!" then you don't have to face the reality that we date younger woman because we dislike your attitude. It may sound harsh but it's the truth. Don't take my word for it...just look at the garbage posted by the angry 30-40+ women on this forum. I did not mention anything about the intellectual capacity of younger women. I was talking only about younger girls' sexual abilities. By the way, you can get easy sex with older women much easier. Have you ever read what was posted by the positive 20+ women on this forum? I guess they do not post much. Therefore, you can idealize their minds whatever you want to support your attitude that they are perfect creatures untill they become 30+. 1
FitChick Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 It used to be that men had more options because they had better jobs. Now many over 40 have lost those jobs or had to take less money, so they are not as attractive to women. Before then, they didn't have to make an effort with their appearance as most women tolerated the baldness and fat bellies if they got wined, dined and gifted. Now women over 40 look younger and better than ever, compared to their mothers at that same age, plus many make as much money or more money than men their own age so they can get the younger guys. Many divorced women never want to remarry or settle down again because they don't want a man controlling them again. So I think women have a slight edge, although as some have already mentioned, it depends ultimately on the person, as at any age. If you are a decent, kind person and make the extra effort with your appearance, age is irrelevant. So stop trying to make trouble! 2
FitChick Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Here's an observation: Check out a speed dating event which caters to men and women of different age groups on a 1:1 gender ratio. What you'll generally find is the following: In the 20-30 group, the men's places get filled much faster. In the 30-40 group, it's about the same In the 40+ group, women's places fill up first. This is easy. Men in their 20s speed date because they want to get laid. Men and women in their 30s both want to settle down. Women in their 40s speed date because they just got divorced and want to get laid. 2
johan Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 People who took care of themselves in their 20s and 30s have the advantage. That isn't a gender thing.
florence of suburbia Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 If I were on the market now at 43 I think I would be more successful. I have a much better sense of what I want in a relationship. In my 20s I had trouble honing in on the types of men who would suit me and kept "giving it a shot" when there were too many incompatibilities. I am also more confident now than I ever have been and know how to play up my strengths and downplay my weaknesses. I suspect I come across as better looking at 43 than I was in my 20s because I had not developed a sense of style and attitude then and was too timid. My only doubt is whether I could find the right guy.
Badsingularity Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) As a generalization, in other words, when you are with an younger girl, you are with a cold fish who makes noises because of pain and does fake orgasms to get rid of you during sex as soon as possible. She has to do all the sexual stuff because it is the only way to her biological goal to get married and reproduce. And, every woman says to her sexual partner that she loved sex with him so so much. Women say it to men even they hated sex with them a lot. It is a general rule for females of any age. lol:laugh:. This is only true when a woman is desparate for a relationship/baby/marriage and she does not feel chemistry with the man she is with. Women of all ages get great pleasure from being with a man they are attracted to and have strong chemistry with. Although I don't blame you for trying to take Justin down a notch. Edited March 4, 2012 by Badsingularity 1
Monm82 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Women are always going to have more options. Most women have endless options Most guys are just looking for any woman who might have any interest in him. 1
johan Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Most guys are looking for any woman who might have interest in him. I've never found this to be true. Men are just as picky as women. The interest has to be mutual. 1
Monm82 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I've never found this to be true. Men are just as picky as women. The interest has to be mutual. I don't think most guys are picky. Guys do a lot of talking, but most aren't truly picky.
xxoo Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I don't know who has more options, but I think an argument could be made that everyone has better options after 40. Afterall, how many people do you know that had better relationship skills at 20 than at 40? Most people get better. Some get bitter, but that happens across both genders. For those who stay positive, and attract positive, the pool may be small....but it is filled with people who are ready to appreciate a partner. 1
Author sid3 Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 I don't think most guys are picky. Guys do a lot of talking, but most aren't truly picky. Yeah right, you have got to be kidding. Most men are way to picky for their own good:lmao:. And your claim that most women have countless options is groundbreaking news for the millions of single women out there. 1
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 As LS often shares, there seem to be plenty of people, men and women both, who have plenty of options but lament their dearth in these pages. By 'options', I mean potential healthy relationship partners, ostensibly single. If a person proactively chooses to selectively eliminate all of their options as a function of arbitrary standards, then that's a choice they own. I guess it depends where you live but personally have met very few suitable men over the past years. I cannot believe that my standards are too high if I don't consider as options: - adrenaline junkies (ride motercycles, do bungeejumps/parachutejumps,...) - alcoholics (I guess they don't consider themselves drunk but I find their alcohol consumption problematic) - fat guys (I don't expect a guy to look as sharp as when he was 20 but that basketball belly is from eating and drinking too much), it's unattractive and I am slim myself. - guys who think I live too far when it's only half an hour drive between the places where we live - guys who are jealous of my professional succes Maybe it's an illusion but I still think it can get better than that.
carhill Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) LOL, you just described the majority of my male friends in one way or another, and most, save for me, have been married for 15-32 years. My 'adrenaline high' was driving race cars. Now, I target shoot. That said, I can empathize. The subject of preferences and standards is a constantly moving target. As long as one owns the results, I think such preferences and standards are healthy. ETA, as it just occurred, I ran into some nice young ladies at the shooting range yesterday....hmmm Edited March 4, 2012 by carhill
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 LOL, you just described the majority of my male friends in one way or another, and most, save for me, have been married for 15-32 years. I know who they are, I see them around me all the time. I also know that a lot of those marriages are not of high quality. I want MORE and BETTER! Will I ever find it? Don't know but settling for less is no option. The subject of preferences and standards is a constantly moving target. As long as one owns the results, I think such preferences and standards are healthy. I have no results so far but don't find that a reason to lower my standards. After all, what I want is not extravagant. ETA, as it just occurred, I ran into some nice young ladies at the shooting range yesterday....hmmm Carhill, sorry to burst your bubble. If these ladies were young, they won't consider a man in his fifties as a romantic interest. Unless they have selfesteem issues. From how I have always felt and from what I see around me, most women like a man their own age.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I don't know who has more options, but I think an argument could be made that everyone has better options after 40. Afterall, how many people do you know that had better relationship skills at 20 than at 40? Most people get better. Some get bitter, but that happens across both genders. For those who stay positive, and attract positive, the pool may be small....but it is filled with people who are ready to appreciate a partner. From what I see there are plenty of people of both genders who are over 40 and still have not learned a damn thing.
carhill Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Quote: Originally Posted by carhill ETA, as it just occurred, I ran into some nice young ladies at the shooting range yesterday....hmmm Carhill, sorry to burst your bubble. If these ladies were young, they won't consider a man in his fifties as a romantic interest. Unless they have selfesteem issues. From how I have always felt and from what I see around me, most women like a man their own age. No bubbles to burst as I consider any woman young enough to be my daughter to be off-limits, so no younger than mid thirties. These ladies looked to be peers or early 40's. In my neck of the woods I still call women 'young ladies' and 'ma'am' so it's just a vernacular. Good luck!
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