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An update on my situation

Falcon25

By Falcon25
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Falcon25 Established Member

Falcon25

Posted
Posted (edited)

After two weeks of no contact whatsoever, going ghost, she wants to see me last night. I say cool, she is all over me. She clearly missed me. I talk nothing about the relationship. She kept asking me if I have dated or seen anyone last two weeks, I say no but make it clear that I am moving on. I can tell the attraction and everything is still there. For those of you who don't know, I was the one who wrote about two types of break ups, mine was the second type, where the girl is not over her ex or something in the past.

 

My attitude was completely opposite of before the break up. I was like, "If you don't want a relationship, fine, neither do I". And to be quite honest, I don't. Not playing a game with her. If she doesn't want a relationship, fine, I'll find someone else. She made it clear last night that she doesn't want to get back together, but I made it clear that's perfectly ok. Who wants someone that doesn't want them? She can't commit? Cool, she's gonna have to see me with other girls. I'm tired of being the girl in the relationship, the one worried about is she with me, is she not. Why can't we be together, etc. From now on, I don't care. I see what is going on here. When you don't care, when they are afraid they can lose you, they want you. I'm going to, within time, make her want a committment from me, not me from her.

 

And if not, it's ok..........I'll try to find someone else. As hard as it is.

 

But, the point is this. You have to get attraction back. You have to go no contact. You cannot pursue them. For some of you, who have cried and begged, it may be too late (I never did that, I just walked away). For others, trust me, they miss you, you have to just be strong. I so want this woman, I want to tell her how I feel, etc. BUT YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T VERBALIZE it, because she doesn't want to commit to me. She has to literally plead for a relationship with you. So I have to put my feelings aside, until she does. And if she doesn't, I have to accept it. She can't play me if I am moving on in my heart. And I am. It would be a bonus if she comes around.

 

I think for men, you cannot pace the relationship, you cannot show that you want a commitment. They have to want it, they have to work for it, they have to feel victorious that they made you theirs, but at the same time, they have to feel like they can lose you anytime.

 

Falcon is going to have a complete change of character the next few months. He is tired of being the one worried about the relationship. Let the woman worry about it. I'm done with that. I have other sh*t to worry about........

Edited by Falcon25
mike588 Established Member

mike588

Posted
Posted
After two weeks of no contact whatsoever, going ghost, she wants to see me last night. I say cool, she is all over me. She clearly missed me. I talk nothing about the relationship. She kept asking me if I have dated or seen anyone last two weeks, I say no but make it clear that I am moving on. I can tell the attraction and everything is still there. For those of you who don't know, I was the one who wrote about two types of break ups, mine was the second type, where the girl is not over her ex or something in the past.

 

My attitude was completely opposite of before the break up. I was like, "If you don't want a relationship, fine, neither do I". And to be quite honest, I don't. Not playing a game with her. If she doesn't want a relationship, fine, I'll find someone else. She made it clear last night that she doesn't want to get back together, but I made it clear that's perfectly ok. Who wants someone that doesn't want them? She can't commit? Cool, she's gonna have to see me with other girls. I'm tired of being the girl in the relationship, the one worried about is she with me, is she not. Why can't we be together, etc. From now on, I don't care. I see what is going on here. When you don't care, when they are afraid they can lose you, they want you. I'm going to, within time, make her want a committment from me, not me from her.

 

And if not, it's ok..........I'll try to find someone else. As hard as it was.

 

But, the point is this. You have to get attraction back. You have to go no contact. You cannot pursue them. For some of you, who have cried and begged, it may be too late (I never did that, I just walked away). For others, trust me, they miss you, you have to just be strong. I so want this woman, I want to tell her how I feel, etc. BUT YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T VERBALIZE it, because she doesn't want to commit to me. She has to literally plead for a relationship with you. So I have to put my feelings aside, until she does. And if she doesn't, I have to accept it. She can't play me if I am moving on in my heart. And I am. It would be a bonus if she comes around.

 

I think for men, you cannot pace the relationship, you cannot show that you want a commitment. They have to want it, they have to work for it, they have to feel victorious that they made you theirs, but at the same time, they have to feel like they can lose you anytime.

 

You probably know my story..mine was like yours...she wasn't over her ex. and went back to him.

 

No Contact is the only way to go! I started it a week (Strict N.C.) after being dumped and now 6 months later she's contacting me.

 

Like you too she doesn't want to get back together....she hasn't mentioned anything like that in the email or note she left me (we haven't actually spoken) All she said was how sorry she was...how she regrets hurting me and how bad she feels about it.

 

Who knows what's next?

 

Good luck to you

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Falcon25 Established Member

Falcon25

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Hey Mike,

 

 

Just be ok with the situation. It's not in our nature, as men, to force a relationship. If they go back, fine. I'm not very religious, but I believe situations like this are in the hands of higher ups. Whatever happens, happens. If it's meant to be, it will be. Sometimes, chicks are just not ready, they love someone else, etc. The way to overcome that is just moving on. You have to be like her ex, the guy who doesn't care. And in the end, if she's half normal, she will pick the guy who she has positive history with, rather than negative (which is you). So don't force it, don't talk about relationship, don't be negative, if she asks, say what I told her "I'm just moving on". They don't like hearing that. It's tough man. But it's the only option we have. It's just not in our nature to chase a relationship. They have to chase us. We work, we bring bread home, we are not designed to worry about relationships. Good luck brother.....

Edited by Falcon25
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