Can't tell what's going on with this girl.

[Jh517]

Can't figure this girl out

So here's the scoop. It's a bit of a read though. I revised it to make it shorter from the last time.*

 

I started seeing this girl at the end of last year, December to be exact. We met on a website geared towards people with certain ailments. After chatting for a bit, we found out we went to the same gym and didn't now. I'm 27 and she is 30 btw. We were able to see eachother briefly at the gym before our first date. Which made the nerves a little lower I think.*

 

A little back story on her before I move on. She just came out of an abusive relationship. Physical, mental, emotional, the whole nine. It was fairly fresh, like 4 or 5 months and, it lasted 2 years i believe. When this came up, she did tell me she wanted to take things slow because the split was so fresh and, she wasn't sure what she wanted. I respected her thoughts and NEVER tried to push anything because, this girl really grew on me early on and, I didnt want to mess anything up by bringing anything up too early. Plus, I dont really know how something like that really effects someone, other than the obvious. Apparently it was bad enough that she felt inclined to get a RS on the d-bag. She asked if i would go to the court date with her and I did. I couldn't continue to sit in the room once she started describing what happened for a couple reasons. One being, I didnt know how much she actually wanted me to know at this point and the other, I wanted to go after the dude right there. I have sisters and don't stand for actions like that. The RS was granted to her.

 

So things were going smoothly the first date went awesome. We made out, it was nice. We went on more dates, went to gym together, everything seemed on point. I introduced her to some friends, she did the same. She brought me to other gyms she used to work at(she's a personal trainer), I went to her work xmas party with her, I felt like i was on the right track. We did get physical early on. Some may say too soon but, if it feels right, who's to say what's too soon right? I'll touch back on this later on.*

 

Now things start to get frustrating. I started to notice her being distant at times. At first i just took it as her playing hard to get since it was still early on and maybe her past was making her act as such. Then it started to happen more frequently and she started to flake out on hanging out and just waffleing around in general. I asked her if everything was alright and she just said she was busy. Ok i said and I just left it alone. Her excuses always centered around being tired, wanting to reconcile with her parents(she just told them what happened with the ex), sick, have to go console some gf's that were having toubles with their significant others, etc. I feel if you want to hang out/see someone, you make the time to do so. She didn't seem to be making the effort. We live 5 mins away from eachother mind you. So this went on for a few weeks.

 

Now things get a little worse. Like I mentioned before, I never brought up any kind of exclusivity talk. Even though I really wanted to know what our deal was. There was this one Sunday we were together the whole day and it was really nice. We were walking around Boston and nothing seemed to be up. We get to my house and she says she has to go back to her house to give something to her cousin that she left in her car. Said she would be back in an hour or so. An hour goes by and she texts me to say she will be another hour or so cause her mother had cooked dinner. That was about 6. Sends a text saying she'll be by at 10. *No show, I go to bed. *Then I get a text at like 130 asking if she can come over cause she doesn't want to sleep alone. To which I reply, I've been waiting for you the whole night! Are you serious? She's like, you're right nevermind. I'm just sad. I've been crying with my cousin all night about everything. I ask if she's alright and said she can come by if she still wants to. Some time passes and she comes back with, I don't know what I was right now, I'm not right with myself and I can't bring someone else into my life while I'm like this. *I asked if she was drunk and she said yes. I wasnt processing it all that well and said she should go to bed and we can discuss it later when we are in a better state of mind. Honestly, I was thinking she was telling me **** was done and didn't appreciate her doing it via text. This wasn't the first time she brought this subject up, it just happened to be the worst. The first time she told me in a more calm matter but, we were both out drinking and I took it the same way but, reacted differently. *We did talk about that the next day and she said she wished she didn't bring it up while we were both drinking. And said she didn't want to end things just keep them slow(this was towards the beggining mind you). The 3rd time this came up, it was briefer and I kind of just brushed it off thinking this may just be a bad time for her. She says she needs time and i said I would rather discuss this in person since so much can be lost though text. We met up for the gym and talked before. She said she had nothing else to add just, she needs a few days(whats that gonna do), not sure about where her head is at, etc. I asked what these "few days" entailed. Just straight NC, not hang out but still talk, what? She said she still wanted to talk during this time. We went to the gym the next day. I'm lost at this point. Don't know which way to think.*

 

Now to the last 2 weeks of our thing. This is where the real waffling comes out. During these 2 weeks, we hung out only on the sundays of those weeks. No gym, no coffee, nothing. Still talked but, the distance was apparent. Plans were made and last second, she backed out with the reasons I said above. I think it's pretty much done at this point and not really feeling good about it. Basically feeling like i was being strung along. I mentioned that to her and she said that's not what she is doing and doesn't do that to people. She just isn't in a good and "busy". Whatever. So, I ask if she wanted to come watch the super bowl at my bud's house with him, his girl, and another couple(she had met them already). She never gave a definate yay or nay but, ended up coming. Everything was fine and dandy. She was taking with everyone nothing seemed off. We went back to my house and had some fun. I'm still confused but, just taking it as it is at this point. The next week followed suit. I asked her to hang out, she had her reasons for not being able to, I'm kind of at my breaking point right now. The weekend was the last straw. We had plans to hang out saturday, she backed out last second with the reason of wanting to be alone tonite, and be with her thoughts. I said i hope she figures out what she needs to and left it. No reply back. The next morning I notice she was tagged in a photo that night at like 1030 with a friend!! That was it for me. I sent her a long text saying I didn't appreciate the way I was being treated as of late. I was nothing but understanding about her situation, and felt like she was treating me like dog ****(that was a nutshell version) and that as much as i didn't want to, I had to walk away from this. I also didn't mention seeing the pic. She actually took it off her wall a few days later, weird. she replied back with, I agree. This is unfair to you and you don't deserve it. I feel like I'm going crazy right now. Know that this wasn't my intention, I'm just avoiding. WHAT?!?! I just said ok and figured it was done. I get a text not even 24 hours later saying,I hope yo are well. I didn't reply. A week goes by and I get a text from her saying she is sorry for what she put me through and she was in a bad spot and wished she had met me at a different time. First time she actually apologized. *Then says she would love to get together for lunch or a workout if I'd like to but, would understand if I didn't. I replied later on and said I would like to meet up. We met up to go to the gym and, it wasn't as awkward as I anticipated. I didn't bring anything up in hopes that she would but, nothing. Now in the past 6 or 7 days, we have seen eachother probably 5 times. All initiated by her too. They have all been gym visits but, going together. There was one time where I was getting dropped off where there was an extended hug and I thought she was trying to kiss me, kissed my cheek lightly but, wasn't sure and didn't act on anything. I regreted that when I exited the car haha. The next time went the same way, last night. We were sitting there and she comes out with, I don't know what I want right now, she just doesn't want to be tied down right now, out of nowhere. I asked what she meant and she was like, I like spending time with you, I have fun with you, I miss you, hanging out with you, being physical with you but, I just think we went too fast, too early. I don't regret it but, I feel like we threw that in there(no pun intended) during the time where we should have been developing a friendship. I was just so attracted to you and gave in to my temptations. I said i get what she means, and accepted her apology. She went in for a hug and we started kissing. Nothing crazy but, it felt nice. I said it has been weird seeing her and not kissing her and, she agreed. *Now tonite, after the gym, we were doing the same in front of my house, just talking and it didn't seem like anything was going to happen until she said goodnight and leaned into me then pulled away. I asked what that was all about and she said nothing while giggling a little bit. I asked why she was being funny and she said it's nothing. I was laughing and asked what she was trying to do and she said laughingly, I don't know. Then i said alright and asked if i could force one on her amd she smiling said yes. At points she kept bringing random things up to keep me in the car so, I just decided to throw it out there. This whole week she has been acting like she was while we were dating(for the most part) talking all the time, light flirting, finding ways to touch me, etc. So i'm confused, again haha. which leads me to my dillema.......

 

Can anyone possibily shed some light on her intentions?? Does it seem like she is trying to see if she wants to give it a go again, am I just back as an ego boost while she is figureing her **** ouit, am I being friend zoned?? I can't wrap my head around it! I put myself back out there so all my eggs aren't in one basket but, I really dig this girl and don't want to miss an opportunity if there is one there. I know things take time but, I also don't want to wait around like a sucker.

 

Any insight would be greatly appriciated. I can answer any questions if need be if i wasn't thorough enough.

 

Thanks for reading

[TeeZee]

this is way too long. If you are a guy I suspect you have annoyed women with excessive analysis and rambling.

[sid3]

TLDR. But after skimming through it, seems like she needs to work on herself a bit to get her stuff sorted out. Who's to say what's too soon to have slept together? I will, in fact your situation has become negatively impacted because of having done so IMHO. Unlikely that it was pure uncontrollable passion, but more like a poor choice after having told you she wanted to take things easy given her douchebag ex bf. From what I gathered she doesn't respect you. I'd rather be single than with someone who makes me feel like the way you are now. Doesn't sound like the beginning of a healthy relationship. Let alone the problems that most likely lay ahead. Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

Edited March 4, 2012 by sid3

[dasein]

She's using you for backburner support while she hopes that a guy you aren't even aware of firms up into something. In these types of situations, unless she has truly difficult stressors in her life like a dread disease, dead or dying loved one, extreme work stress, another unknown guy is almost always the case.

 

There is at least one other guy in the picture and you aren't first choice. "Had to give her cousin something?" Stop buying BS like this from women. Walk, and once you are emotionally detached enough, continue to use her for sex if you like. But forget entirely about "dating" her or having a relationship with her. Forget about her issues, her wants and needs, and focus entirely on what you want and need while you find other better prospects. Ironically, once you have the other prospects in tow and visible in your life, she may come around. By then, you should ignore her from a position of strength. Machiavelli is about all that works with women today.

 

Provided she really was in an abusive relationship, you may not offer the drama roller coaster she is addicted to. Abusive relationships are almost never entirely one way, no matter who is the victim. There's a good chance she has been choosing bad men for a long long time, and feels little attraction to good men such as yourself.

[xpaperxcutx]

It's the fact that she knows you like her that she's using you as a emotional tampon. Maybe she does feel the same way about you, but she doesn't respect you enough to treat you with the same respect you do her.

 

So either cut ties with her completely or go through emotional hell trying to figure her out.