tipsyleprachauns Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 So, some of my backstory can be found in my posts. Well, all of my backstory. I'm doing a lot better now, I still think about her constantly but I haven't spoken or had any real urge to speak to her for 3 weeks since she blew up on me. Haven't heard a peep from her either. However I did hear from a mutual friend that she sent a message to her old housemates apologising for having been living in her own little bubble the past year and that she was so glad she was hanging around with them more now. That she realised they were awesome friends for sticking around for her and that she wa sorry for being a bad friend. This, from the girl who told me she hated them, broke down on my on many occasions about how manipulative and bitchy they all were. They bullied her, whinged about her, and walked all over our relationship. She said she didn't trust them, and last time I saw her a couple weeks ago she said she was very wary of them. They were friends who would stop her doing what she wanted to do, who would peer pressure her. Made her feel bad about and supress her religion. But she was always attracted to them (by her own admission) because she wanted to be accepted by the popular kids. They hated me, and they made it known. They love her new date - he's one of them (medical student). I guess I'm a little bit hurt as knowing how she's 'gone back' to them has made me doubt myself. Made me feel a bit like perhaps I was in the wrong, I was taking her away from them? Or is it just her gut reaction - typical of this kind of break up- going on 180 and going back to people she didn't like and who treated her badly and apologizing like she was in the wrong. Does this make sense to anyone? All evidence points that she feels more 'free' without me, is really happy and enjoying life, connecting with old friends who treated her badly, and going out being young and clubbing a lot more. I find it hard to believe, as wilson and a few others have said to me, that she'll ever come back trying to speak to me. But this behavior of her is making me doubt whether I was in the wrong with things… It also makes no sense, was she lying to me about them or has she just changed her mind?
rdb Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Do not even waste your time thinking about it. My ex did the same thing after she broke up with me the first time. Then she realized they were ****ty people and since we hadn't gone full no contact she came to me after a big blowout and we ended up back together. Then she left me again and started to associate more with them, among other people. This time I did go no contact. I can't be with someone who A) doesnt have enough self-respect to know what a healthy relationship is and B) puts up a bull**** self-image for EVERYONE. Look at what she is saying man. She tells you that she honestly can't stand them. Now she is telling them she is sorry she hadn't been around more and blames you. That is pure phoniness and you don't need to worry about it because if it says anything about anyone it is her. My ex was **** talking me with her friends. That was actually a bonding experience for them from what I understand. I know I was their for her when they really werent, and that they will be gone again one day (because history repeats itself) but she won't have me to cry to this time. Focus on yourself and not her + her 'buddies'
fucpcg Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 People always go around what makes them feel comfortable. My ex had the worst friends ever, but they are the ones she's hung with for years. She could see how bad they were for her when away from them, when we were dating, however when we split she went right back to them as well, and right back to a crap lifestyle she had before me. I can't see how she would have ever even had these girls as friends, let alone go back to them, but it was exactly what she did.
Author tipsyleprachauns Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 It just kind of sticks two fingers up at what we had. I don't really know what to believe about it anymore - which is her genuine behavior. Her behavior when she was with me, or the rebellious, off the rails, 'free' her now. I care about her and I want to think I saw the real her - I believe I did. But looking at her track record it seems she has a lot of the off the rails behavior to get out of her system and that's what she goes back to when she starts to lose security in the real her that I saw. I just don't know which will win through in the end and don't want to think of her getting hurt. In the mean time - she's done so much crap and made me look so bad in all of this and feel so unneccesarily guilty, I just don't get why I STILL want her. I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. And I'm getting used to not being with her. But I still want her.
fucpcg Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 It's logical, because you miss and think about the good parts. I do the same thing. I understand relationships will have bumps, both people need to work at them, but I don't focus on the bumps I focus on the special moments, and sounds like you are the same. But there are people (like our ex's) who don't see it the way we do. When my ex and I split up all she could recall was every mistake made from day 1, and none of the good times. I hope some day she can approach what we had differently, but I cannot make her do that, she can only do it herself.
Recommended Posts