Out of ideas...

[Lsa]

The title kinda sums it up. I'm facing a colossal problem that I don't even feel like I can talk to my friends about anymore, hence my arrival here. I apologize... This is going to be a long post, but it's a very big problem. Please, if anyone has the time, I really need a different view on this issue. I'm driving myself insane.

 

There are three major problems standing in the way of my relationship. Two of them are things that almost never come up unless directly addressed.

 

The first problem comes up constantly, but it's something that has to be left alone in daily life. He's a military man. It's in his blood. He'll always be there to serve his country and that is something I deeply respect him for. I wouldn't say I'm a hippy, but I'm definitely a person who leads a more bohemian lifestyle. It seems interesting to me that I would fall for someone who so seriously believes in a system that I'm beginning to see in a dark and sinister light. It's also something that scares me beyond anything I've ever imagined. Having my heart skip a beat at every phone call or knock on the door? I don't think I could do that... I don't believe that we shouldn't have a military, I'm just honest enough to admit to myself that I don't want my loved ones being in harms way. I know it's not anything he's done, nor is it fair to take it out on him at all, I just know that feeling is always going to be there so I have to take it into account.

 

Religion is our next problem. While it's something that hasn't reared it's ugly head yet, yet is definitely the operative word. He's Protestant and I would be more of a Diest, believing in *something* but definitely not what I've discovered so far. Though my opinion of his religion is definitely not a high one, he pulls it off with grace whenever I ask him questions about his faith. He's logical, backs up his feelings with adequate reasoning and most importantly has never tried to push his religion on me. This problem is one that I see all too clearly coming out in the future. Kids? Traditions? Inevitable arguments?

 

This last one is a difficult one. Being that he has his religion, there are certain things that come with his faith that I am extremely against. Such as homophobia. He's respectful in the fact that he doesn't express himself when I'm around because he knows how much it bothers me, but it's something that is ingrained into him. He grew up believing all homosexuality is wrong, period, and he's only ever been in situations that strengthened that idea. And I do have to say, for the experiences he's been through and the things he's endured, I unfortunately understand. He's not a hypocrites, like those guys who can't stand seeing two men but start drooling when two women are together. He finds it all equally wrong. The biggest problem is that I'm bisexual, so this is definitely an issue that is close to my heart. I've had equal feelings for men and women over the course of my life and for him to so boldly state that an emotion I myself feel is impure or wrong... it's absolutely not okay. The two fights we've ever had have both stemmed over this specific issue.

 

Seems like a fairly solid argument, right? Well now I need to tell you the good stuff, so that you can actually see where my dilemma is coming from. I've been seeing Jon for almost two years now. Imagine your perfect person, and I mean PERFECT person... got it? That's Jon. For me anyway. Now there's something you need to know about me. I'm a very tactile and emotional person. When most little girls were imagining getting married, what their dress/house/husband was going to look like, I was imagining emotions. I imagined the way he would make me feel, the love I would have, all the different emotions I would experience, and as odd as this is, places on my body that he would touch and hold me (in a total non-sexual way ). Like putting a hand high on my ribcage instead of low on my hip when I'm walking. Grabbing my pinky finger just before holding my hand. Having my palm kissed. These are things I'd imagined since I was a kid that I somehow knew I wanted my future love to do. Things that turned my insides into butterflies just thinking about them, even at 11 years old! Weird, random quirks and crazy idiosyncrasies that I never in my wildest dreams expected someone to do without specifically telling them. Because it's crazy to think someone could just know something like that, right?

 

Well, Jon knew. Somehow he knew. All the things I'd ever imagined... it was like he plucked them out of my mind, one by one, and doing so absolutely blew my mind to pieces. He's nearly reduced me to tears a few times, if only from the sheer shock of what he's doing, that he just somehow knows. From the first time he touched me he knew exactly where, when and how I wanted to be touched. And it goes beyond purely physical. He knows how to talk to me, how to ask questions, he's present in our conversations, believes in reciprocity, and is incredibly intelligent. He genuinely wants to know what I have to say and vice versa. We bring up topics just to hear what the others opinion is. He makes me know that I'm beautiful, not just feel it. He knows how to handle me when I'm grumpy and I him, he acknowledges and apologizes when he's wrong, he's not unduly proud or vain. He makes me laugh, hard. We get along with each others friends and family. It is e.a.s.y. to be with him and there's honestly no where else I'd rather be than in his company. I'm falling in love with him, I know that I am and I know that's how he feels about me too.

 

So there you have it. They are Problems with a capital P. But the way this man makes me feel, the things I feel we can accomplish when we're together... all those cliches I've ever heard finally start to make sense. He really does feel like my other half, even though I never realized that something was missing. And yet, we have such huge problems to overcome and I don't even know if it's possible. But it's getting to a point where we need to make a decision and I don't know where the hell to begin.

 

Is caring about someone all you need to make it through? I've always thought there was no room for logic in love, that you had to follow your heart instead of your head and it would take you where you needed to be. But now I'm trying to thinking... should I be using my head?

[ShannonMI]

The title kinda sums it up. I'm facing a colossal problem that I don't even feel like I can talk to my friends about anymore, hence my arrival here. I apologize... This is going to be a long post, but it's a very big problem. Please, if anyone has the time, I really need a different view on this issue. I'm driving myself insane.

 

There are three major problems standing in the way of my relationship. Two of them are things that almost never come up unless directly addressed.

 

The first problem comes up constantly, but it's something that has to be left alone in daily life. He's a military man. It's in his blood. He'll always be there to serve his country and that is something I deeply respect him for. I wouldn't say I'm a hippy, but I'm definitely a person who leads a more bohemian lifestyle. It seems interesting to me that I would fall for someone who so seriously believes in a system that I'm beginning to see in a dark and sinister light. It's also something that scares me beyond anything I've ever imagined. Having my heart skip a beat at every phone call or knock on the door? I don't think I could do that... I don't believe that we shouldn't have a military, I'm just honest enough to admit to myself that I don't want my loved ones being in harms way. I know it's not anything he's done, nor is it fair to take it out on him at all, I just know that feeling is always going to be there so I have to take it into account.

 

Religion is our next problem. While it's something that hasn't reared it's ugly head yet, yet is definitely the operative word. He's Protestant and I would be more of a Diest, believing in *something* but definitely not what I've discovered so far. Though my opinion of his religion is definitely not a high one, he pulls it off with grace whenever I ask him questions about his faith. He's logical, backs up his feelings with adequate reasoning and most importantly has never tried to push his religion on me. This problem is one that I see all too clearly coming out in the future. Kids? Traditions? Inevitable arguments?

 

This last one is a difficult one. Being that he has his religion, there are certain things that come with his faith that I am extremely against. Such as homophobia. He's respectful in the fact that he doesn't express himself when I'm around because he knows how much it bothers me, but it's something that is ingrained into him. He grew up believing all homosexuality is wrong, period, and he's only ever been in situations that strengthened that idea. And I do have to say, for the experiences he's been through and the things he's endured, I unfortunately understand. He's not a hypocrites, like those guys who can't stand seeing two men but start drooling when two women are together. He finds it all equally wrong. The biggest problem is that I'm bisexual, so this is definitely an issue that is close to my heart. I've had equal feelings for men and women over the course of my life and for him to so boldly state that an emotion I myself feel is impure or wrong... it's absolutely not okay. The two fights we've ever had have both stemmed over this specific issue.

 

Seems like a fairly solid argument, right? Well now I need to tell you the good stuff, so that you can actually see where my dilemma is coming from. I've been seeing Jon for almost two years now. Imagine your perfect person, and I mean PERFECT person... got it? That's Jon. For me anyway. Now there's something you need to know about me. I'm a very tactile and emotional person. When most little girls were imagining getting married, what their dress/house/husband was going to look like, I was imagining emotions. I imagined the way he would make me feel, the love I would have, all the different emotions I would experience, and as odd as this is, places on my body that he would touch and hold me (in a total non-sexual way ). Like putting a hand high on my ribcage instead of low on my hip when I'm walking. Grabbing my pinky finger just before holding my hand. Having my palm kissed. These are things I'd imagined since I was a kid that I somehow knew I wanted my future love to do. Things that turned my insides into butterflies just thinking about them, even at 11 years old! Weird, random quirks and crazy idiosyncrasies that I never in my wildest dreams expected someone to do without specifically telling them. Because it's crazy to think someone could just know something like that, right?

 

Well, Jon knew. Somehow he knew. All the things I'd ever imagined... it was like he plucked them out of my mind, one by one, and doing so absolutely blew my mind to pieces. He's nearly reduced me to tears a few times, if only from the sheer shock of what he's doing, that he just somehow knows. From the first time he touched me he knew exactly where, when and how I wanted to be touched. And it goes beyond purely physical. He knows how to talk to me, how to ask questions, he's present in our conversations, believes in reciprocity, and is incredibly intelligent. He genuinely wants to know what I have to say and vice versa. We bring up topics just to hear what the others opinion is. He makes me know that I'm beautiful, not just feel it. He knows how to handle me when I'm grumpy and I him, he acknowledges and apologizes when he's wrong, he's not unduly proud or vain. He makes me laugh, hard. We get along with each others friends and family. It is e.a.s.y. to be with him and there's honestly no where else I'd rather be than in his company. I'm falling in love with him, I know that I am and I know that's how he feels about me too.

 

So there you have it. They are Problems with a capital P. But the way this man makes me feel, the things I feel we can accomplish when we're together... all those cliches I've ever heard finally start to make sense. He really does feel like my other half, even though I never realized that something was missing. And yet, we have such huge problems to overcome and I don't even know if it's possible. But it's getting to a point where we need to make a decision and I don't know where the hell to begin.

 

Is caring about someone all you need to make it through? I've always thought there was no room for logic in love, that you had to follow your heart instead of your head and it would take you where you needed to be. But now I'm trying to thinking... should I be using my head?

It sounds like the two of you are definitely incompatible with your views on life and some really IMPORTANT issues. But the physical and emotional compatibility is there and it's strong. That's a tough situation. I guess what you need to figure out is, can you set aside your convictions and beliefs to be with a man who you have such a strong emotional and physical connection to? What pulls you more? And what will last years down the road? Is the physical and emotional going to still be there? You know you will always believe what you believe in and your convictions will never change.

[FitChick]

It sounds like the two of your are together to learn the lessons of tolerance, compassion and compromise.

[Lsa]

Shannon: What pull me more, right now, is our connection. The feelings that I have for him... incredible... but I don't know what the future holds for us. I don't know if it will last down the road, though I would love to be sure of something like that. In my mind's eye I can see two futures, one equally as possible as the next. Either the problems are never something that matter enough to get between us or we start to resent one another. I hope it wouldn't matter, I definitely feel like it we could make it, but the possibility of us spending many years together only for it to end in (what would have to be) such a terrible way is horrifying to think about. I don't want that to happen to us, to waste either of our time, but does that justify ruining any potential for our relationship now? I know I'm never going to change and I know he's never going to change, but if it's working now then maybe it will always work? But then I have to stop and think about the problems life throws at people through the years and how we could never truly face many of them together, on the same side of the issue. Or the biggest thought in my mind: What if we have children and one of them is gay?

 

FitChick: Oh I've definitely learned, but the question is, when is the lesson supposed to end? Or is it?