standtall Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Arduous...you probably didn't mean to thread jack, but you need to start another thread as kidd suggested. Also, you might want to use paragraphs and such.
anne1707 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 I'm surprised you told your H not to make future plans. I would've taken that as you keeping the door open to leaving him. Are you committed to your M or what? Actually not making future plans at this stage is not a bad idea - there should be no additional pressures on both the OP and her H at this stage other than focussing on dealing with the immediate aftermath of dday. That is a task and a half in itself. However plans can and should be made initially for IC (for Starguise definitely and maybe even her H) and at some stage very soon they should plan for MC. To plan for more "normal" things would be too much too soon, especially for the husband. He needs to figure out whether he wants to be with the OP tomorrow or even today first, rather than make plans which mean being with her 6 months down the line. I know for my H and I, we did not start talking more than a few weeks ahead until maybe 6 months after dday. We were just relieved to get through another day/week/month together at first even though we were committed to making our marriage work.
nofool4u Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 A few weeks later, she pretended to be him again and contacted me again. I asked if 'he' had received the first check, and said he did. Eventually, she revealed herself to me and said my marriage deserved to be destroyed after what I did to OM and that they were going to tell everyone what happened if I didn't pay back what I owed OM. Nothing happened to OM. Your POS OM knew exactly what he was doing and that he was having sex with a married woman, and he didn't care. Tough s*** for him. For years I wanted to confess to husband, but never could... but, I didn't want to be blackmailed and decided once and for all it was time to confess to husband that I had been cheating on him and told him when it started and when it ended, but he has not asked any questions... I think he is numb right now, as he is threatening to go kill OM. His anger should be with you, not the OM. If he wants to do harm to OM, then what does he want to do with you? Treat you with kid gloves? No, not saying he should want to do you harm, just saying he shouldn't be more angry with OM than he is with you. Angry yes, but not more so. I told him this morning before he went to work, as I could not wait any longer... I do not want to lose my husband, but I did not want to continue living a lie any longer. He has been very quiet and refused to look at me... At this point, I don't know what to do. A big part of me wants to pack my things up and leave to my parent's house... Every time I look at my husband I begin crying, I just don't know how I can live with hurting my husband. I want to reconcile, but I know that's not my decision alone. I am going to make all my passwords the same and give them to him, and let him look at my phone whenever he wants, but I know that is not enough... Here is the thing, if you two are to reconcile, its going to take ALOT of time. You seem to want instant resolution on this. Your affair didn't start and end overnight, you shouldn't expect reconciliation to be any different. I don't know what to do from this point on... I know I want to be with my husband, but that is up to him if he wants to continue the relationship or divorce. Where do I go from here? Nothing for you to do, but be there for him. Understand when he starts to have fits of anger at you. You don't get defensive if he gets angry, you be there and be a wife. In the end, he may decide he can't continue, but you have to give it your best and let him decide later. A cheater doesn't get to betray someone and expect instant results. You are going to have to be patient. You have given him something to haunt his memories til the day he dies. Its up to you if you can handle waiting out whatever time is necessary for those hauntings to become few and far between. If you aren't willing to stick it out for a few years, then yes, do him the favor of letting him go and find someone that won't cheat.
2sunny Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Since you didn't tell about your affair when given the chance - and it appears that you ONLY told because he was gonna find out from someone else - he may not feel confident about any info you give - only assume that you still have things to hide. Regaining his trust will be your job. How honest are you willing to be with him?
nofool4u Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 In case I overlooked it, can you tell us what the $500 you owe OM is for?
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