CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I'm just tired of trying to figure them out. Fair enough, you've got enough on your plate to deal with right now. But maybe, when the dust has settled with your husband, you can contact OM and inquire wtf about why someone other than him was trying to collect his debts and if he was aware of it. You said he sounded confused, so he might not know this is going on. He deserves to know, I think. After all, this is business we're talking about. If you owed JCPenney some money, and then some shady person contacts you wanting to collect (and also blackmail you), then surely, you'd call JCPenney and be like, "Why is this person calling me?" Anyway, that's for another time. Hope all goes well with your husband.
anne1707 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 But maybe, when the dust has settled with your husband, you can contact OM and inquire wtf about why someone other than him was trying to collect his debts and if he was aware of it. You said he sounded confused, so he might not know this is going on. He deserves to know, I think. After all, this is business we're talking about. For the sake of the marriage, this is an absolute no. There is no way that the ex-OM should be contacted for any reason by Starguise out of respect to her H. What is more important here to Starguise - her H and marriage or the ex-OM. By contacting the ex-OM months down the line, she would be betraying her H. It is only $250. It is the past - leave it there.
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 For the sake of the marriage, this is an absolute no. There is no way that the ex-OM should be contacted for any reason by Starguise out of respect to her H. What is more important here to Starguise - her H and marriage or the ex-OM. By contacting the ex-OM months down the line, she would be betraying her H. It is only $250. It is the past - leave it there. Does she owe him money? Yes. Should she pay it back? Yes. Starguise has unfinished business, which she can't ignore just because she's working on her marriage now. Betrayal/respect to her husband has nothing to do with her paying back her debts.
anne1707 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Does she owe him money? Yes. Should she pay it back? Yes. Starguise has unfinished business, which she can't ignore just because she's working on her marriage now. Betrayal/respect to her husband has nothing to do with her paying back her debts. What about the debt she owes to her H? She must do full NC for the sake of her marriage.
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 What about the debt she owes to her H? She must do full NC for the sake of her marriage. Her marriage really has nothing to do with the debt that she admits she owes. To use the retarded JCPenney example again, should JCPenney just erase a debt because she's working on her marriage or whatever? No! They're still owed money!
anne1707 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Her marriage really has nothing to do with the debt that she admits she owes. To use the retarded JCPenney example again, should JCPenney just erase a debt because she's working on her marriage or whatever? No! They're still owed money! But her marriage has everything to do with whether she is in contact with the OM or not. Have you ever been a BS? How would you feel if your spouse got back in touch with the OM/OW when you thought your marriage was in the process of recovery? This really is not an option.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Her marriage really has nothing to do with the debt that she admits she owes. To use the retarded JCPenney example again, should JCPenney just erase a debt because she's working on her marriage or whatever? No! They're still owed money! I think JCPenney would be **** out of luck getting that money from me of they tried to threaten informing my husband of any sexual activities that I had at their store to get their $250 bucks back. I might even bust one of their windows.
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 But her marriage has everything to do with whether she is in contact with the OM or not. Have you ever been a BS? How would you feel if your spouse got back in touch with the OM/OW when you thought your marriage was in the process of recovery? This really is not an option. I don't understand how you think that she's absolved of debt. She's not. 1
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I think JCPenney would be **** out of luck getting that money from me of they tried to threaten informing my husband of any sexual activities that I had at their store to get their $250 bucks back. I might even bust one of their windows. See, that would be out of JCPenney's character. So you'd call them and be like, "wtf jcp"
anne1707 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I don't understand how you think that she's absolved of debt. She's not. And I don't understand how you can think a $250 debt is more important than the marriage - the joys of LS
dreamingoftigers Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Well let's say that the gf is like some kind of crazy loan-shark that just so happens to love JCP. How the **** did a crazy loan shark get my personal info and story. JCP must've given them that info and they misused it. That'd be enough for me. "hey JCP, too bad that you let my info leak. Huge breach. Code Red. Up yours. $250.00 dollar clean up in the Kiss My Ass aisle." Especially if my h were to be like: "hey you did it in JCP? WTF? You can't go back there or talk to their debt collection department. **** it, I don't even want to talk about it. Or we're through." No freaking way! Blackmail means you get nothing and deserve even less. As for the OM, if his gf did this without his knowledge: that's his problem. Call it Crazy Bitch Tax. You date a crazy bitch, you get taxed.
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 And I don't understand how you can think a $250 debt is more important than the marriage - the joys of LS As a debtor, you can't just decide to not pay that $250 anymore. This is how real life works.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 You've never missed a payment OR gone to small claims have you?
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 You've never missed a payment OR gone to small claims have you? No, I haven't. Because I realize that when I borrow money from people, they deserve to have it paid back. That's what payments and small claims court are for - to get you to pay the money you owe. Jesus.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 No, I haven't. Because I realize that when I borrow money from people, they deserve to have it paid back. That's what payments and small claims court are for - to get you to pay the money you owe. Jesus. It's about picking the lesser of two evils. The OM probably doesn't want to hear from her again after this either. Good for you for being honorable about your debts. It is entirely possible that in the future there will be a debate over a bill or contract that is unfairly decided against you. Or you aren't able to make payments as quickly as someone demands so they try to extort from you. I hope that you never give an extortionist money.
anne1707 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 And you think this new girlfriend is just going to go away? She won't. She'll just harass the OP a little "quieter." If the new girlfriend left her her husband for him, she would do ANYTHING for him (or what she perceives to be for him). I am not sure that the girlfriend has left her husband or that she was even married. I don't think that has been said (unless I have missed it somewhere). She owes the man money - it needs to be paid back. Yes she owes the man money but in this situation she has to put her husband first. If there is a way she can clear this debt without having contact with the OM then fine. But the suggestion being made by another poster of meeting the OM when the "dust has settled" is just not an option. Starguise needs to do 100% NC for the sake of her marriage.
ver13 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Give him the money even if you have to go to your mom and get a loan to get these people off your back. $250 bucks is not worth all of this Bull Shyte, as for your H and your 2yr A well one thing you can be sure of is "life goes on". He will have to decide what is the best course of action for him in due time and all you can do is live with it. MC might workout or not but in the end your kid is all that truly matters. I'm not saying that you should not try and be transparent in all things that you are doing from here on out. What I am saying is that until you are honest with yourself on why you continued a 2yr A with OM so early into your M, MC truly won't matter.
anne1707 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I agree with NC, she shouldn't meet him to hand over any payments. There are other ways to get him the money. The info about the girlfriend was over on the previous page: I don't really know much about her or care to know anything about her. All I know is that she's a few years younger than him, left her husband a month or two ago after meeting OM, and that her and OM are going to get married after her divorce is final. I had missed that! Well the exOM is a piece of work isn't he! He obviously has no concern whatsoever about whether someone is married or not. As for the new gf - I really do suspect that this is not about the money but some power play. Whether she is jealous of Starguise or feels threatened by her in someway - maybe she feels she was the OM's 2nd choice. Or maybe she resents the fact that Starguise is still with her H. Who knows but both the OM and his gf need to be avoided at all costs. 1
CC12 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 But the suggestion being made by another poster of meeting the OM when the "dust has settled" is just not an option. That was me, but I never suggested that she meet up with him, I simply said she should contact him.
despicableME Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 they could take you to court to get it back. In order to take a person to court over this you need proof. A written document, otherwise it's all hearsay. A verbal agreement is not sufficient enough if one of the parties in question is denying the agreement. You need to be more proactive, as opposed to being reactive. Write up a NC letter to OM with your husbands final approval. Start on a timeline detailing the affair itself from start to finish. Let your husband have total access to everything- phone records, e-mail, accounts, etc. This is called full transparency. Make receipts of this payment plan you speak of, so as not to be duped into more of these peoples' shenanigans. These things will show your husband you are serious about reconciliation.
Author Starguise Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 OM had never contacted me or mentioned previous debts for well over a year and a half. We mutually went into NC after I reconciled with my husband. It was not until OM started dating his girlfriend recently that it was brought up. The day he started seeing her was when he came out of NC and called me up to tell me he was seeing someone. It went along the lines of him talking about how happy she made him, how she left her husband to be with him, etc. I told him I was happy for him and then went back to NC. Fast forward two months later and he contacts me through text to pay back the money I borrowed. I agreed and he went off on a tangent about how awful of a person I am and how happy he is now, I listened and let him say what he had to say and then agreed to final NC, or what I thought was final NC. First payment was sent upon agreed time two weeks later, check was not cashed for nearly two weeks. I suddenly get a text from him again wanting to be friends on FB, I denied it and simply told him he needed to cash his check. "He" started asking questions about the last payment and began talking about going to school, his life, etc. I responded every now and then with simple "Yes", "No", "Fine.", sort of answers until he started talking about how 'he' was going to speak to H. That was when she revealed herself and proceeded to bash, name call, talk about how they laugh at me, etc. I stopped responding. I think she realized I had left the conversation because she began talking about how she wouldn't be happy until my marriage was ruined, that she doesn't give a **** and that I better pay back the money or else she was going to tell my H. That was my breaking point and I woke my H up and told him about the A, who it was with, how long it lasted, told him if he had any questions I would answer them, he asked a few and then left it at that and got up and left for work. Before he left, he told me to let them know if they try to call him or bother us in any way, he would be going up to OM's house to beat him down. After H left, I responded to the texts and told her that H knew now, and that she and OM better not bother us again or that H would be paying a visit to OM. That was when the phone calls started with her saying that I had made a poor choice, that I would be sorry, etc etc etc, I finally had enough and let both of them know I wasn't going to put up with blackmail and harassment and that I would be hiring an attorney if it didn't stop now and that was when OM finally got on the phone and seemed like he didn't know what was going on. I dialed *57 and called the phone company about it, setting it up so that I would not receive calls from private numbers as well as blocking OM's number. I have not received a phone call since and I hope it stays that way. If OM wants to collect his debt, he can take me to small claims court and I will happily pay him back, but otherwise he can forget it because I am refusing to have contact with him. I honestly think that if it wasn't the debt, then they would be calling about something else. I really don't know. I will not be contacting them at all, for any reason, and I expect the same. H has been very affectionate today, we went out for dinner and watched a movie and talked for a while. He said that he blames himself for the A and I repeatedly told him it wasn't his fault at all, that I was the one that made the choice to have an A and lie to him. He apologized for drinking so much in the early years of our marriage (He is a recovering alcoholic, he's been sober since we reconciled.) He said that he couldn't feel angry at me because it was in the past and I told him that he would be going through many emotions when he had time to think about things. I told him I support any decision he makes and that if he needs to yell, cuss, fight, anything, I support him. I also told him that we shouldn't be making plans for the future and that we should take things one day at a time. He said that if he fights and yells at me in the future that he's sorry, I just held him. I know there is going to come a point where it's going to sink in and become unbearable for him. Right now, it seems like he wants things to be normal. I am just trying to be with him as much as possible.
arduousjourney Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Just to advise you, this post will probably sound pretty fck_d up. For the past 6 or 7 months I've been friends with benefits with this guy I spontaneously met. He's emotionless, effed up and too hard to explain for words. Yet, beyond this I found myself having strong feelings for him. Yes, it is true that women cannot simply only have sex with no strings attached. I think about him constantly and he's very unique. I'm a student, live alone, struggle and he's always been nice to me and vise versa, nothing wrong here. We were talking on the phone about an intense conversation that I gave him herpes. Yes, I do have it and I withheld it until about the 4th month of knowing him. I do not know why i did that but he forgave me and we still continued to see each other despite the truth. The uglier last half of the phone conversation began with me confessing to sleeping with a guy about 2 1/2 months ago. Now, with him being so emotionless this appeared not to bother him. He kept persisting me to tell him every detail of that night asking me if he was bigger or better in anyway. I refused over and over again to not tell him. He's so screwed in the head because when I asked why he told me that some part of him turned him on hearing about me sleeping with another guy. (Let's keep in mind that this is my friends with benefits). He told me that he wanted to hear about it, even it I was lying because at this moment in time he was pleasuring himself. Eventually, I gave in and made up some random story because sleeping with that other guy was horrible and gross(even after saying this he insisted that I should lie in order to let him 'finish'). Now that I think of it I really should have hung up on him long ago. Anyway, after I ended the story he said that's strike three and I'm out. Even before this I asked him if it were a trick and claimed no. I didn't understand his reasoning whatsoever but maybe that's cause I actually have emotions. He told me, that now he knows what it felt like for me to fkkd that other guy. He said it's over and I hung up. I can't help but feel like this is it, I've lost another friend and there's no one else to blame but myself. I feel horrible but this is what he wants me to feel like. I know and he knows that he's so fck_ed in the head, this is what makes him so unique. The sad part is that he really was good to me, cooked for me, made sure I was always comfortable... we had a good relationship/friendship going and then I confessed what I knew would kill it. It's ironic that before this came up I asked him why he liked me and he told me one reason... hhe told me that he was waiting for strike three to happen. I told him why doesn't he just walk away now because he was already anticipating an end. He said that it always happens. I told him if he learned his lesson then why take it and go, why should he have to wait for a third strike in the first place. It's better to just end it before anything else happens. Like I said he's fck_ed in the head. So despite it all, that's it; I honestly believe I deserve it in some way..just lost a best friend...
Kidd Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Just to advise you, this post will probably sound pretty fck_d up. For the past 6 or 7 months I've been friends with benefits with this guy I spontaneously met. He's emotionless, effed up and too hard to explain for words. Yet, beyond this I found myself having strong feelings for him. Yes, it is true that women cannot simply only have sex with no strings attached. I think about him constantly and he's very unique. I'm a student, live alone, struggle and he's always been nice to me and vise versa, nothing wrong here. We were talking on the phone about an intense conversation that I gave him herpes. Yes, I do have it and I withheld it until about the 4th month of knowing him. I do not know why i did that but he forgave me and we still continued to see each other despite the truth. The uglier last half of the phone conversation began with me confessing to sleeping with a guy about 2 1/2 months ago. Now, with him being so emotionless this appeared not to bother him. He kept persisting me to tell him every detail of that night asking me if he was bigger or better in anyway. I refused over and over again to not tell him. He's so screwed in the head because when I asked why he told me that some part of him turned him on hearing about me sleeping with another guy. (Let's keep in mind that this is my friends with benefits). He told me that he wanted to hear about it, even it I was lying because at this moment in time he was pleasuring himself. Eventually, I gave in and made up some random story because sleeping with that other guy was horrible and gross(even after saying this he insisted that I should lie in order to let him 'finish'). Now that I think of it I really should have hung up on him long ago. Anyway, after I ended the story he said that's strike three and I'm out. Even before this I asked him if it were a trick and claimed no. I didn't understand his reasoning whatsoever but maybe that's cause I actually have emotions. He told me, that now he knows what it felt like for me to fkkd that other guy. He said it's over and I hung up. I can't help but feel like this is it, I've lost another friend and there's no one else to blame but myself. I feel horrible but this is what he wants me to feel like. I know and he knows that he's so fck_ed in the head, this is what makes him so unique. The sad part is that he really was good to me, cooked for me, made sure I was always comfortable... we had a good relationship/friendship going and then I confessed what I knew would kill it. It's ironic that before this came up I asked him why he liked me and he told me one reason... hhe told me that he was waiting for strike three to happen. I told him why doesn't he just walk away now because he was already anticipating an end. He said that it always happens. I told him if he learned his lesson then why take it and go, why should he have to wait for a third strike in the first place. It's better to just end it before anything else happens. Like I said he's fck_ed in the head. So despite it all, that's it; I honestly believe I deserve it in some way..just lost a best friend... If you want advice, you might want to start your own thread.
Kidd Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 (edited) OM had never contacted me or mentioned previous debts for well over a year and a half. We mutually went into NC after I reconciled with my husband. It was not until OM started dating his girlfriend recently that it was brought up. The day he started seeing her was when he came out of NC and called me up to tell me he was seeing someone. It went along the lines of him talking about how happy she made him, how she left her husband to be with him, etc. I told him I was happy for him and then went back to NC. Fast forward two months later and he contacts me through text to pay back the money I borrowed. I agreed and he went off on a tangent about how awful of a person I am and how happy he is now, I listened and let him say what he had to say and then agreed to final NC, or what I thought was final NC. First payment was sent upon agreed time two weeks later, check was not cashed for nearly two weeks. I suddenly get a text from him again wanting to be friends on FB, I denied it and simply told him he needed to cash his check. "He" started asking questions about the last payment and began talking about going to school, his life, etc. I responded every now and then with simple "Yes", "No", "Fine.", sort of answers until he started talking about how 'he' was going to speak to H. That was when she revealed herself and proceeded to bash, name call, talk about how they laugh at me, etc. I stopped responding. I think she realized I had left the conversation because she began talking about how she wouldn't be happy until my marriage was ruined, that she doesn't give a **** and that I better pay back the money or else she was going to tell my H. That was my breaking point and I woke my H up and told him about the A, who it was with, how long it lasted, told him if he had any questions I would answer them, he asked a few and then left it at that and got up and left for work. Before he left, he told me to let them know if they try to call him or bother us in any way, he would be going up to OM's house to beat him down. After H left, I responded to the texts and told her that H knew now, and that she and OM better not bother us again or that H would be paying a visit to OM. That was when the phone calls started with her saying that I had made a poor choice, that I would be sorry, etc etc etc, I finally had enough and let both of them know I wasn't going to put up with blackmail and harassment and that I would be hiring an attorney if it didn't stop now and that was when OM finally got on the phone and seemed like he didn't know what was going on. I dialed *57 and called the phone company about it, setting it up so that I would not receive calls from private numbers as well as blocking OM's number. I have not received a phone call since and I hope it stays that way. If OM wants to collect his debt, he can take me to small claims court and I will happily pay him back, but otherwise he can forget it because I am refusing to have contact with him. I honestly think that if it wasn't the debt, then they would be calling about something else. I really don't know. I will not be contacting them at all, for any reason, and I expect the same. H has been very affectionate today, we went out for dinner and watched a movie and talked for a while. He said that he blames himself for the A and I repeatedly told him it wasn't his fault at all, that I was the one that made the choice to have an A and lie to him. He apologized for drinking so much in the early years of our marriage (He is a recovering alcoholic, he's been sober since we reconciled.) He said that he couldn't feel angry at me because it was in the past and I told him that he would be going through many emotions when he had time to think about things. I told him I support any decision he makes and that if he needs to yell, cuss, fight, anything, I support him. I also told him that we shouldn't be making plans for the future and that we should take things one day at a time. He said that if he fights and yells at me in the future that he's sorry, I just held him. I know there is going to come a point where it's going to sink in and become unbearable for him. Right now, it seems like he wants things to be normal. I am just trying to be with him as much as possible. Sounds like you have dealt with the OM and his GF in the best way you can. Time to seriously focus on your H and M. Besides holding him and being there for him, what else are you doing? Right now he is in shock and blaming himself. He's afraid he's lost you or will lose you in the near future. This won't last forever and you do seem to know that. Reconciling will take ridiculous work. Forgive me if you've already said it; this $250 has been a serious distraction to the thread. What are you going to do about your M? I'm surprised you told your H not to make future plans. I would've taken that as you keeping the door open to leaving him. Are you committed to your M or what? Edited March 5, 2012 by Kidd
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