billevans Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 So I met a girl tonight at the bar... she was really nice and we ended up talking for like about an hour. I got her number, gave her a hug and was on my way. Now, she was nothing like my ex, and I'm not sure if I felt the right kind of spark that I should feel with someone to just get involved with them, especially given the circumstances of how I feel like I'm damaged at this point (less than 2 months after my break up and still feeling the pain every day). But I feel like it would make me happy to just get to know her better and see where it takes me. Is it selfish of me to try to build up a relationship with her and use her company to make myself happy? I'm def pretty lonely at this point, and maybe just seeing where this goes will help me get over the hump of my breakup. I'm not sure if I just want to just tell her how I'm going through a tough breakup and make her think I'm off the wall crazy and still have feelings for my ex. But at the same time, I need to make the steps to get over her and move on with my life. What should I do regarding this girl I just met???
Cmac Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Hmmm it's a tough one. I imagine the general consensus around here will probably be that you shouldn't date anyone else until you are over your ex. But ultimately it's your call. If it makes you feel better being around her then continue to do so, but I wouldn't jump into a relationship with her or anything.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I was used because of my company. the guy wasn't over his ex. It's unfair to the girl. You have to be completely over the ex if you are going to get involved; what if she falls for you and you're still thinking of the other one? heal first.
chelsea2011 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Don't do that to the poor girl. It's horrible to use someone merely to help you get over someone else. 1
CaliBabe Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I say not to over think it. Just do what feels right and natural. If you like her, spend time with her, get to know her. Just go with the flow. 1
Cmac Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 ^ Agreed, no one is saying you need to use her. It's possible to just spend time with a girl as a friend and not be in a relationship. Just be upfront with her about things, let her know you're not ready for a relationship yet, she'll either be cool with that or she won't, but I'd at least let her know upfront. I wouldn't progress beyond being friends just yet though.
Author billevans Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 I'm definitely not looking to date her thats for sure. I'm trying to expand my social network, I don't really have a lot of friends. I'd consider myself introvert and I've always keep a close-knit group of friends my whole life. Even so, I lost a lot of friendships when I was with my ex, especially girls. So at this point, I'm just trying to make more friends. Who knows, maybe being friends with this one girl will lead to me meeting one of her friends or something will come naturally with her.
jus d'orange Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Hi there, I'm in a bit of a similar boat; I've been spending a bit of time with a girl I've known for a few years who I am attracted to and who's got a great personality. We're still getting to know each other better. I'm just letting things happen as they are and not trying to place assumptions or expectations on the relationship. I've been single now for over 5 weeks (not very long, I know), but I don't really feel the pain anymore. I've found out through this process that I am a powerfully optimistic person. Meeting new people and developing new relationships, whatever they end up being, has been helpful in me finally realizing that life really will go on and will be better again someday. If you are still feeling a lot of pain, DEFINITELY wait before anything becomes romantic. However, as you feel your heart break from free your ex, you will be open to such things. Don't try to make anything go any faster than it should. Follow what feels right, but keep your wits about you and you'll be just fine. 1
Author billevans Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Hi there, I'm in a bit of a similar boat; I've been spending a bit of time with a girl I've known for a few years who I am attracted to and who's got a great personality. We're still getting to know each other better. I'm just letting things happen as they are and not trying to place assumptions or expectations on the relationship. I've been single now for over 5 weeks (not very long, I know), but I don't really feel the pain anymore. I've found out through this process that I am a powerfully optimistic person. Meeting new people and developing new relationships, whatever they end up being, has been helpful in me finally realizing that life really will go on and will be better again someday. If you are still feeling a lot of pain, DEFINITELY wait before anything becomes romantic. However, as you feel your heart break from free your ex, you will be open to such things. Don't try to make anything go any faster than it should. Follow what feels right, but keep your wits about you and you'll be just fine. Hey, thanks for the post; it's been 7 weeks for me. Yes, I might still be feeling down about the breakup but you know what, I'm doing what I can to move past things. I'm not going to just sit around and mope until I feel 'better', and I'm just trying to get out there and have fun. It's definitely nice to be able to do what I want and not know exactly what is going to happen to me when I wake up in the morning. I can stay out until 5 in the morning without any consequences, I can see and talk to other women without feeling guilty about it, and it's nice getting to see the few friends I do have on a more regular basis. Yes, I do miss my ex and I would LOVE if things went back to the way they were before we broke up, but I've realized they can't and I'm making the best of my situation. I'm still feeling the pain everyday, but just like you I'm optimistic about my future. Good for us. 1
stitch702 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 I'd say go for it. Get to know this girl, but do not use her as a rebound just yet. Hang out with her and get to know her, but don't be too serious. If need be explain what you are going through and perhaps she will understand. Who knows maybe this girl may end up being a very good friend if not more. Sometimes attention from the opposite sex helps us get over the feeling of heartbreak. I'm not recommending that you jump in bed with her or begin a full blown relationship by any means until you are completely healed. I'm just saying that hanging out with a girl does help. Like I said sometimes its just the attention that we miss such as talking, hanging out, movies, etc.
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