stoneymirror Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 would you guys date someone with a history of cheating?
oldguy Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 No, and I would lend money to someone with a recent history of not paying back their loans.
fishtaco Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 No. But I would sleep with her if she's mildly attractive or better... if I were single that is. 2
leftfordead2 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 would you guys date someone with a history of cheating? Nope, unless you like to torture your mind.
Woggle Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Not a chance. If they did it to them they would do it to me.
krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I would say no at first. But, people do change and grow up and learn new things about themselves and what they want. For example, my ex cheated on me a few times and I gave him no reason to. He was the same way to his girlfriends before me. Now he is with a new girl and they have been together for a year and he is nothing but faithful to her. So, I'd say don't judge someone on their past. If they are a mature older adult and have a history of cheating on everyone they have been with then thats a different story. Just use your best judgement.
Author stoneymirror Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 She still stays in contact with some of her exs and has even cheated on new BFs w her exs.
krissy1989f Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 IDK... that sounds like a problem. How old is she? Not that age matters but maybe she just has some growing up to do....?
veggirl Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 She still stays in contact with some of her exs and has even cheated on new BFs w her exs. This is totally different from your OP. would I date someone with a "history of cheating"? Well... that would depend. When did they cheat? How long ago? Why? How do they feel about it now? A guy who cheated years and years ago but has had stable, monogamous, faithful relationships since then, sure! A guy who was cheating up until a year ago or something? Hell no! In your situation, HELL NO!! Why would you even go there?! She still talks to the dudes she has likely cheated ON AND WITH. Ew. Absolutely not. the red flag couldn't be brighter or waving harder.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 She still stays in contact with some of her exs and has even cheated on new BFs w her exs. Wouldn't bother me. But, I'm not the best person to give advice in this kind of matter.
LZ2000 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 My most recent ex-girlfriend once said to me that she didn't like to talk about her ex-boyfriends.......
snug.bunny Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Nope. Remaining faithful and loyal are standards I have always lived up to and deeply value so if someone had a history of cheating, we wouldn't be compatible.
ScienceGal Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior." - Dr. Phil. I'm not a huge fan, but I always remember this quote. It's been true in every situation when I've asked myself similar questions, OP. Edited March 3, 2012 by ScienceGal
Author stoneymirror Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 it just gets worse, there's more, but I think I've gotten enough to know to walk. Thanks guys.
Professor X Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I feel disinclined to acquiesce your request. Means no.
Andy_K Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Yes. I have done so. People change if they want to. It depends how long ago the cheating was, how old they are now.
Author stoneymirror Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) she's in her mid-late twenties now, and tells me its been a few years since she's last cheated. but an ex visited her shortly after her most recent breakup and stayed the night Edited March 3, 2012 by stoneymirror
carhill Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 No, and I would lend money to someone with a recent history of not paying back their loans. Thanks, I need some right about now Regarding the 'cheating' part, case by case. I know plenty of women who have cheated/had affairs in the past who are now successfully coupled/married. A serial cheater, meaning someone with a pattern over decades of relationships, would be unlikely to gather my interest and trust. I might lust a bit, but wouldn't expect any sort of fidelity from the person. 1
veggirl Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 she's in her mid-late twenties now, and tells me its been a few years since she's last cheated. but an ex visited her shortly after her most recent breakup and stayed the night Of course he did. He is at her beck and call. Pathetic! This girl has trouble written all over her. Incapable of being alone, clearly.
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I dunno. It depends. If they were honest enough to tell me (because a true 'cheater' would lie about their past and hope you didn't find out, right?) I would try to find out more. If it happened a long time ago, it was an isolated incident, if they confessed to the person they cheated on, if they've had significant relationships since then with no cheating... those would all factor into my decision. I agreed to date someone who admitted to cheating on his wife of 19 years. I broke up with him after I found out he did it multiple times... and that his affairs were found out by his wife. He didn't confess. Maybe he will change his ways (it does happen)... but I wasn't willing to take the chance. Would you date someone who knowingly participated in helping another person cheat? That to me is just as bad as being the one who betrayed their partner. Takes two to tango... I'd also ask. Would you date someone who was ever addicted to drugs? Ever had a bankruptcy? Ever hit someone in anger? Ever destroyed another person's property in anger? Has a bad credit score? Has gotten fired from a job? Is currently unemployed? Has ever driven while under the influence? These are all 'deal breakers' to me if in combination with other factors. That said, there are very few people who don't have some skeletons in their closet. There are good people out there who HAVE learned from their bad choices. Sometimes, those can be the wisest too. No guarantees in life. 1
eleanorhurting Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 what do you mean by history of cheating? What if they did it once, confessed and had a really hard time with it? well since we are being honest, I cheated on my ex boyfriend and that is the reason why we broke up. I am not going to go into details of what happened and in no way was it justified. I told him the next day and he kicked my ass to the curb, which i completely deserved. How do I feel about it now? Well still pretty horrible. I felt very, very bad for a long time and I even had to go to therapy for it. I still do not think I am over what happened and I think many of my low self esteem issues stem from the incredible guilt I still feel. For a long time I felt I did not deserve to be loved because of my mistake. For the past year I grabbed on to anyone who would show me that I could be worthy of their affection and was in such a vulnerable state that I ended up getting played very badly. Cheating on my boyfriend has been the worst mistake of my life and one of the hardest things that has ever happened to me and I am sure it was horrible for him too. I hope he has recovered and I wish him the best honestly. I feel like I am never going to be the same person again. I have many friends who have cheated on their boyfriends or girlfriends over and over and have never confessed and just go through life like its no big deal. To me, what happened changed me and I know that I will never, ever do it again. I do believe people can change but most people won't because it is easier not to. I told the guy I dated last summer after i broke up with my ex what happened and he ended up playing me very badly. My closest friends who know about the whole thing told me I should never, ever tell anyone I date about this because they will see that it is my weak point and will just use me and not want anything serious with me. I would like to believe that I will have a chance again with someone in the future and that they will not just dismiss me because of a mistake I made that obviously cost me very much and I learned my lesson the very hard way.
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