Luck Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I have been married for almost eight years, and we have been together for almost twelve. Recently I started hearing rumors from my friend that my wife was possibly messing around with another man at her work, when I confronted her about it she told me they were just rumors. After that she told me a coworker who we will call Steve, might be calling for relationship advice or to possibly pickup some of her shifts at work, again I thought nothing of it. Then the weekend before my birthday she kisses "Steve" while at work and he invites her to his house after work, while I sit at home with our three children, she goes and they end up having sex. I did not find out about this until almost two weeks later right after valentines day. She trys to leave me, tells me she hates me, doesn't love me anymore etc. I beg her to stay only to find out two days later what really happened. Now she quit her job, cut off all contact from Steve(based on her words) and is happily going about trying to fix our marriage. But if I ask any questions about what happened she freaks out and gets upset and refuses to talk about it. Is this normal? I really want us to work but she doesn't seem to understand that I feel like I have a right to know what happened and I want to talk about it so I can prevent a similar situation from arising. She's says this is the happiest shes ever been being a stay at home mother and she loves me more than ever but can a woman really have such a severe mood swing after a affair? I just don't want to get hurt again I love her but I'm afraid of her because of the pain this has caused
CC12 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 But if I ask any questions about what happened she freaks out and gets upset and refuses to talk about it. Is this normal? Yeah, of course it's normal because people don't want to have to defend their bad behavior. It sucks. Nobody likes that. But since you're trying to stay together, she does owe it to you to let you get it all out and get the answers that you need. This doesn't mean that you can keep bringing it up all the time, though. Tell her that in order to get past this, you need to have some answers and some closure. Think beforehand what questions you have and what needs to happen in order to move on, sit her down and ask them, and then be done with that part. This is your one major chance to talk about it, because from there on out, bringing it up is going to cause unnecessary tension.
SoMovinOn Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Yes. It's "normal". When she does start talking, be prepared for trickle truth. She will tell you "everything" ... but, maybe some of it won't add up, so you'll ask her about it some more. She'll swear, you know everything there is to know. Days, weeks, months later, she'll tell you "the real truth" ... and swear that's all of it, until days, weeks or months later, when she tells you more. Just ... be prepared for anything. You in for a long tough run here. 1
Author Luck Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks for the input, yeah I fear a trickle truth effect, one time turns into a couple times etc. I was really curious about her emotions. For a couple days she acted like she flat hated me and said some vicious things, and than after a couple days of that she does a one eighty and is acting like she's head over heels for me. She says she wasn't herself and her horomones were calling the shots but man I've never felt so belittled in my life and now she tells me she loves me and I can't help but think negative and doubt her.
Lostinlife4now Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I have been married for almost eight years, and we have been together for almost twelve. Recently I started hearing rumors from my friend that my wife was possibly messing around with another man at her work, when I confronted her about it she told me they were just rumors. After that she told me a coworker who we will call Steve, might be calling for relationship advice or to possibly pickup some of her shifts at work, again I thought nothing of it. Then the weekend before my birthday she kisses "Steve" while at work and he invites her to his house after work, while I sit at home with our three children, she goes and they end up having sex. I did not find out about this until almost two weeks later right after valentines day. She trys to leave me, tells me she hates me, doesn't love me anymore etc. I beg her to stay only to find out two days later what really happened. Now she quit her job, cut off all contact from Steve(based on her words) and is happily going about trying to fix our marriage. But if I ask any questions about what happened she freaks out and gets upset and refuses to talk about it. Is this normal? I really want us to work but she doesn't seem to understand that I feel like I have a right to know what happened and I want to talk about it so I can prevent a similar situation from arising. She's says this is the happiest shes ever been being a stay at home mother and she loves me more than ever but can a woman really have such a severe mood swing after a affair? I just don't want to get hurt again I love her but I'm afraid of her because of the pain this has caused Mood swings........hormonal imbalance!!!!!
Bryanp Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 The both of you need to be tested for STD's. You need to expose this affair to the OM's wife or significant other. It sounds like this guy threw her under the bus so now you are the fall back option. Why was she willing to risk her marriage for this affair? If the roles had been reversed do you think she would have been so accepting and forgiving as you? All of a sudden it is her hormones which are at fault?? She has totally disrespected you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.
Author Luck Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 As far as work goes I put a lot of pressure on her to quit not only was it inappropriate but it was a insult to me and my children. She claims he is single, though his Facebook says otherwise, and she will not tell me where he lives. I guess I'm going to give her another chance I love her and I hope she regrets her decisions, and pray she never has another "hormonal imbalance" again. 1
Bryanp Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 This is really bad news. Based on your most recent post your wife refuses to give you information on the OM. It is clear that she rather protect the OM over your feelings. The OM is most important than you???? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her continued lying about the OM and protecting him over you speaks volumes. 1
y2k Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I have been married for almost eight years, and we have been together for almost twelve. Recently I started hearing rumors from my friend that my wife was possibly messing around with another man at her work, when I confronted her about it she told me they were just rumors. After that she told me a coworker who we will call Steve, might be calling for relationship advice or to possibly pickup some of her shifts at work, again I thought nothing of it. Then the weekend before my birthday she kisses "Steve" while at work and he invites her to his house after work, while I sit at home with our three children, she goes and they end up having sex. I did not find out about this until almost two weeks later right after valentines day. She trys to leave me, tells me she hates me, doesn't love me anymore etc. I beg her to stay only to find out two days later what really happened. Now she quit her job, cut off all contact from Steve(based on her words) and is happily going about trying to fix our marriage. But if I ask any questions about what happened she freaks out and gets upset and refuses to talk about it. Is this normal? I really want us to work but she doesn't seem to understand that I feel like I have a right to know what happened and I want to talk about it so I can prevent a similar situation from arising. She's says this is the happiest shes ever been being a stay at home mother and she loves me more than ever but can a woman really have such a severe mood swing after a affair? I just don't want to get hurt again I love her but I'm afraid of her because of the pain this has caused Do you really want to be fighting for this woman??? The following probably happened: 1. She fell so hard for Steve that when she tried to get a real relationship or marriage from Steve, he rejected her. Now without the prospect of being with the guy she really loves (Steve), she now needs to use you. 2. She really loves Steve, but sees that she's economically better off with you, so she makes a b-line towards maintaining her marriage (aka her lifestyle), while either waiting to see if Steve can economically get better, or to keep Steve around while having you to maintain a certain economic lifestyle. ^^^Notice how either way she probably loves Steve. She doesn't love you. My advice, file for divorce ASAP, and get joint custody of the children. Be mature about the separation and start your life over. The children will be fine. It does not matter if a woman leaves her husband for another man when it comes to child custody. The courts always give the mother the advantage, even if it was her cheating and leaving the marriage for someone else. Taking away children from a mother legally is very hard no matter who you are, so just file joint custody. Don't waste your life with this cheating woman. Hope your future works well. Good luck. 1
y2k Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 3 words for you: marriage counseling ASAP One word for you OP: Divorce. Well said. Marriage counseling is such BS in my opinion. If one person is in love with someone else, no counseling can heal anything. People should just move on.
y2k Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 She didn't love that guy. Just infatuated with him. It could be either. We don't really know. It's not wise to just conclude that. Either way, OP should divorce ASAP.
bestplayer Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Well said. Marriage counseling is such BS in my opinion. If one person is in love with someone else, no counseling can heal anything. People should just move on. Well , this does seem to be the case here . Besides , his W doesn't seem to be intrested in making up for what she did wrong . Sooner or later there are more affairs waiting for her because she doesn't love her H. Pretty simple .
chtwf2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I would say no. I am wondering now that she is out of work...will she be able to get much more money out of you when she divorces you ?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 As far as work goes I put a lot of pressure on her to quit not only was it inappropriate but it was a insult to me and my children. She claims he is single, though his Facebook says otherwise, and she will not tell me where he lives. I guess I'm going to give her another chance I love her and I hope she regrets her decisions, and pray she never has another "hormonal imbalance" again. WTF... Are you going to let your wife push you around like that? Stand up to her. Kick her ass out for a while! Demand 100% honesty. I read this and I think I understand why she was cheating. You act like such a pussy it must make her feel like a lesbian. Reach down and find your balls. Stand up to her and tell her how it's gonna be. Take back the control. Demand honesty. Demand consequences.
drifter777 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 WTF... Are you going to let your wife push you around like that? Stand up to her. Kick her ass out for a while! Demand 100% honesty. I read this and I think I understand why she was cheating. You act like such a pussy it must make her feel like a lesbian. Reach down and find your balls. Stand up to her and tell her how it's gonna be. Take back the control. Demand honesty. Demand consequences. Totally agree. It reminds me of poem I read a long time ago: Those who don't know the difference deserve to be f__ked with their eyes open. Hoping your wife doesn't have a "homone imbalance" that would cause her to cheat again is simply too stupid for words. Get your head out of your ass and face the truth.
Try Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 As far as work goes I put a lot of pressure on her to quit not only was it inappropriate but it was a insult to me and my children. She claims he is single, though his Facebook says otherwise, and she will not tell me where he lives. I guess I'm going to give her another chance I love her and I hope she regrets her decisions, and pray she never has another "hormonal imbalance" again. Here is the rub. As it stands now, there is no down side to cheating on you. In fact she was rewarded for cheating because she now gets to be a stay at home mom. Before she cheated she felt that there was a risk for doing this if she got caught. Now that she has been caught and discovered that there will be no consequences, she realizes that cheating on you is not as risky as she thought. She shows no real remorse. She openly protects the OM by lying to you and telling you that he is single when his FB says otherwise (she protects him so that the they can continue with the affair). You are letting her rug sweep. The fact that she is learning that you will accept all this will make her lose all respect for you. She cannot love someone that she does not respect. You are making it to easy. If she is not still cheating she will cheat again. Why not?
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Try is right. There are no consequences for her actions. And Try is also right that she won't give up information about the OM; therefore, she's protecting the OM. Thus, she respects the OM situation more than your feelings. If I were you, I would investigate would the OM is with, whether it's a girlfriend or a wife and let her know what happened. DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOUR DOING THIS!!! Just do it. If she's not remorseful for what she's done, then you really don't have a marriage and she'll do this to you again. 1
SandieBeach Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Try is right. There are no consequences for her actions. And Try is also right that she won't give up information about the OM; therefore, she's protecting the OM. Thus, she respects the OM situation more than your feelings. If I were you, I would investigate would the OM is with, whether it's a girlfriend or a wife and let her know what happened. DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOUR DOING THIS!!! Just do it. If she's not remorseful for what she's done, then you really don't have a marriage and she'll do this to you again. I definitely agree that protecting the OM by lying to her husband is a huge deal, and reeks of fishy behavior. But can we say that doing the exact opposite (giving all details about the affair to the spouse, including personal information about the OM/OW) means that the cheating spouse is remorseful and wants to fix the marriage?
Ninja'sHusband Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 As far as work goes I put a lot of pressure on her to quit not only was it inappropriate but it was a insult to me and my children. She claims he is single, though his Facebook says otherwise, and she will not tell me where he lives. I guess I'm going to give her another chance I love her and I hope she regrets her decisions, and pray she never has another "hormonal imbalance" again. Good that she quit her job and is cutting off contact. Hope things work out for you. Keep your eyes open but don't act like a jealous freak ^^. Beware of trickle truth, she may not have come completely clean.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 If she cheated, then it's pretty much over in my opinion. Over. Counselling will solve nothing, she chose someone else over you, how does that make you feel?
jnj express Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Hey Luck---you need to get your head out of the sand Let's take the steve situation---why did your wife claim she hated you---she demonized you to justify her cheating---why did she run back to you, as fast as she could---cuz he got his sex, and he didn't want her anymore, and she needs you and your greenback dollars. Tell me do you enjoy knowing you are sloppy 2nds---is that what you signed on for, when you took vows, with this woman I am willing to bet, that, steve is just the tip of an iceberg Let's go further with this, as in your present situation-----your wife cheated, and you are running around mewling, about how you love her and want everything to be the same, and you want the mge., to continue----well you can have all of this status quo---but you wanna know what comes with YOU DOING NOTHING, AND HER HAVING NO ACCOUNTABILITY She will CHEAT and CHEAT and CHEAT and CHEAT AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN----Believe it for it probably already has happened, and it will happen in the future----why do you think that is---CUZ SHE KNOWS YOU WILL DO NOTHING ABOUT IT----on top of all of that she has really set herself up nicely to cheat, as she is now a SAHM and has all kinds of time to do whatever she pleases, WHILE YOU ARE OUT FINANCING HER SEX LIFE WITH OTHERS!!!!!!
Funsize Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 So let me see if i get this straight. She cheats on you, Your the bad guy. She quits her job so that once you divorce you pay out your ass. Not because she isn't still seeing him... So she is at home all day and you have no idea what the f*ck is going on? Come on man. Discover your balls. You are her meal ticket not her husband. You may as well be her tampon. 1
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