goingkrazy Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Me and my girlfriend of 5 years have decided to split up and its killing me. she says she loves me but is not in love with me, she is tired of all the drama and lies. due to a past relationship of 14 years and being cheated on i have trust issues and very insecure and this has caused allot of issues with us. We were in the middle of moving when this all hit but we decide that we would still move and i would just take the down stairs as it has a back door, we both need each other financialy, we do enjoy each others company. I fear she will move on and find someone else but she says she don't want another man in her life and she fears the same, she said she hopes i will come to her for my sexual needs and she will come to me for hers. but the other day i was trying to initiate sex with her and she said we are not a couple anymore and i should go take care of myself, i was hurt by her commit. So as of right now we are not having sex. To me it looks very easy for her to be distant to me, she says its not and it kills me to walk away from her with out kissing her or telling her i love her, sleeping without her. the other day she said you can still call me babe or honey ect.. you dont have to call me by my name, i came home for lunch and when i was leaving she said have a good day love you. I dont know what to do, i want her back but dont want to push her away trying... what do i do? thanks for your help
mike588 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Me and my girlfriend of 5 years have decided to split up and its killing me. she says she loves me but is not in love with me, she is tired of all the drama and lies. due to a past relationship of 14 years and being cheated on i have trust issues and very insecure and this has caused allot of issues with us. We were in the middle of moving when this all hit but we decide that we would still move and i would just take the down stairs as it has a back door, we both need each other financialy, we do enjoy each others company. I fear she will move on and find someone else but she says she don't want another man in her life and she fears the same, she said she hopes i will come to her for my sexual needs and she will come to me for hers. but the other day i was trying to initiate sex with her and she said we are not a couple anymore and i should go take care of myself, i was hurt by her commit. So as of right now we are not having sex. To me it looks very easy for her to be distant to me, she says its not and it kills me to walk away from her with out kissing her or telling her i love her, sleeping without her. the other day she said you can still call me babe or honey ect.. you dont have to call me by my name, i came home for lunch and when i was leaving she said have a good day love you. I dont know what to do, i want her back but dont want to push her away trying... what do i do? thanks for your help If you want her back DO NOT CONTACT her...do not bug her with emails..texts..calls etc. That will only push her further away...really! No Contact is NOT a way to get your ex. back...it's to help you heal and move on however it does make them wonder about you....what your doing..if your dating someone...it makes you mysterious. Your other option is to bug the crap out of her with...I love yous...I miss you....I'm sorry...Boo Hoo Hoo... Not! Disappear..stick with STRICT No Contact! I know it's extremely difficult...if I can do it anyone can....with surprising results!
tgr172 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 NC wont fix the trust issue. I understand that problem. However sometimes trust issues are caused by the other party. So dont blame yourself completely. I dont know the situation but you have to get to the point where you feel secure enough to not let your immagination take over and conger up monsters. The thing about trust is that it cant be earned it has to be given on faith. Give it and have the mindset that she is trust worthy. dont let those monsters into your head. I have done that and it will ruin any relationship. In your situation I would not let her mental game upset me. NC isnt going to work in your case since you are living together and otherwise communicating. Act secure... which you should feel since she isnt gone away and be confident light and easy. If she says I love you then believe it and take it for that dont try to overanalyse it. This sounds more like a spat or prolonged argument rather than a full fleged :I dont want you in my life anymore: situation. Go with the flow and relax. You might want to look into the jelousy section and also get some self confidence tapes... there are several sites and play them when you go to bed. You have no reason to be jelous or insecure. Dont act that way now... especially now. Be the guy or the part of the guy that attracted her in the first place. Act like you are just starting to date... ie always put ypour best foot forward and have no commitment expectations. You have half the issue solved already ie she is living with you , talking with you and does feel some affection. Wish I was in your shoes. Court her and remember to just award her your trust and assume she can be trusted dont second guess that. It will make you a much more pleasant person to be around.
Author goingkrazy Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 tgr, she has never given me a reason to not trust her and i don't think she would ever cheat on me, not that we are separated and not sexually active the trust monster wont go away, i think if she's not having it with me she is going to get it somewhere else. I do have an issue with trust and always thinking to the negative first. my previous relationship of 14 yrs i was cheated on several times and so i have not let my guard down to keep from getting hurt. It kills me because she is such and awesome women very sexy,fun ect.. I'm trying very hard to be the person you said and just be her friend try to be the guy she feel in love with but its very hard to keep my emotions pined down and not expect commitment, she acts like its so easy and it frustrates me. We started talking last night and it turned into a fight, she said she's not in the same place as i am and don't know if she ever will be again. She feels i have worked hard to push her out of my life and not let her into my life, that she gave her all and lost the battle. I feel like I'm fighting a battle i wont win and its killing me. I will take your advise and run with it, i pray every night that we will somehow make this work and be a couple again. Thank you for the advise tgr very much appreciated.
leoc1973 Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 She is getting over you right now and you are letting her. Listen to mike you want her back you have to blow her off. I am assuming that you are living together so NC is not an option. You have to tell her your moving out. Don't let her keep you around physically while she is getting over you emotionally. Go see a counselor about your "issues" do it for yourself don't talk about it with her just do it and when she asks where you are going I guess you can tell her. But women need the "show me" don't "tell me". And if you do happen to get her back you better quit the Crap with the trust issues... really!! I have been cheated on before and I never brought it into the next relationship you have to stop obsessing about things like that.
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