PlumPrincess Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 They have haven't they? I suppose people who have these unwanted qualities wouldn't mind them in a counterpart. Jealous with jealous, ugly with ugly, desperate with desperate. I suppose in a way it works :S People with confidence, personality and decent looks don't need internet dating. Are you the same girl who can't make men approach her at all? Even if she is smiling, winking, blinking, whatever? Not even I am that bad with men.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Are you the same girl who can't make men approach her at all? Even if she is smiling, winking, blinking, whatever? Not even I am that bad with men. Well i'm happy for you
Negative Nancy Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 People with confidence, personality and decent looks don't need internet dating. yes, that's why you're so successful in the real world
irc333 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Lately, I have been noticing a lot of chicken correspondence I've been having with women lately. Just recently, tonight, this woman was suppose to call me, we had been corresponding previously, I asked for her #, and she said, "Give me your #, and I'll block mine when I call you, I don't usually give out my #, unless I've already met them in person." I found this to be strange, but she was being cautious I suppose, I guess she didn't want me to trace her location NCIS-style or something (which I can't, but whatever) She said she'd call me tonight at 9pm, and she never did....she chickened out. This has happened to me with the past few of them....having good conversation online....then phone #'s are exchanged, and the disappearing act. There is something to be said about the socially inept and online dating, and I think there is a good amount of them, and it's true, they cannot interact with the real world,and online, it's a haven for them.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Lately, I have been noticing a lot of chicken correspondence I've been having with women lately. Just recently, tonight, this woman was suppose to call me, we had been corresponding previously, I asked for her #, and she said, "Give me your #, and I'll block mine when I call you, I don't usually give out my #, unless I've already met them in person." I found this to be strange, but she was being cautious I suppose, I guess she didn't want me to trace her location NCIS-style or something (which I can't, but whatever) She said she'd call me tonight at 9pm, and she never did....she chickened out. This has happened to me with the past few of them....having good conversation online....then phone #'s are exchanged, and the disappearing act. There is something to be said about the socially inept and online dating, and I think there is a good amount of them, and it's true, they cannot interact with the real world,and online, it's a haven for them. I don't think she chickened out. I just don't think she actually liked you. One way of rejecting men is to ask for their number instead, that way they think you either "forgot" to call them or lost their number. It's a nicer let down than "no".
just-me12 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem. Yeh completely, my brother and his girlfriend are talking about marriage they met online, why they were on there, because they had both still have very busy lifestyles, to go out and meet someone clubbing and that wasn't possible, my brother I know is involved in a lot of community programs and work as well, he wasn't meeting anyone in that so he took a leap in faith and what he said was his best move
Els Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I have tried online dating People with confidence, personality and decent looks don't need internet dating. Not that I agree with you, but thanks for finally admitting this about yourself. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Not that I agree with you, but thanks for finally admitting this about yourself. Just shows what people resort to when men can't be men.
HeavenOrHell Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I'd say my r/ship is successful, but it's long distance, so it's far from perfect for that reason, been together 2 years, have met up many times and have daily contact in between visits. The reality of meeting IRL 2 years ago was better than the fantasy for both of us, so that was pretty neat Love each other dearly, we just hope we can bridge the distance in time, but if we don't I wouldn't say we were unsuccessful, as we've had some wonderful times together and what we have is special. I've been lurking around here for awhile, reading threads etc. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people on this site like myself use OLD sites as their primary source of actually dating and meeting people....that being said, I do not WANT to use these sites, but found that if I do not, I don't date at all, I live in a small town with not much going on, so I delve into to pool of greater Boston area to meet guys...with that being said...the flaws of OLD are really starting to rear it's ugly head...... I've been dating a fella for around two and a half months....met him online, we clicked and see each other a few times a week. He is funny and treats me well, I am really starting to care for him, we have taken the next step and have become intimate... That being said...he hasn't mentioned us becoming "exclusive" and he still has his profile up (my profile is down)....he does ask me if I've been on dates this week and I tell him no, that I don't want to date other people.....so when he asked if I'm seeing someone else, again, when he had JUST asked me two days ago....I asked "why, do you care if I do?" he then said...." I don't care WHAT you do"...... If he doesn't care why does he ask? He also talks about taking his profile down, but doesn't. This whole OLD mentality is "the grass is always greener" people keeping their profiles up even though they are dating someone they enjoy and have a connection with, but afraid they are missing out and keep looking....I feel that's what HE is doing, but doesn't want me to do.. Have any of you had successful relationships based upon meeting someone online?
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I don't personally know anyone who met their wife/husband online. The ones I know who tried it, did it for awhile to get themselves back out in the dating game after a divorce... but ultimately ended up meeting their spouse IRL. I've done it off and on. It is true that you meet people you wouldn't normally meet IRL. In my case, that isn't a good thing. It really is exhausting meeting so many angry, bitter men. It doesn't come out right away... after a few dates you start to see it. After awhile, it seemed counterproductive. I don't have a negative view of men based on my real life experiences with them. However, it is really easy to start becoming jaded oneself if you do the OLD thing too long, is what I could imagine happening. Try it for a few months. If it doesn't work for you, then get off. Immediately. Before you turn into one of those angry, bitter people... is my suggestion. If you are intimate with someone and their profile is still up, they are still looking. I would never put up with that. Hope you are using condoms.
Engadget Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I don't know how anyone online dates. To me, if a person has to go online then there is something wrong with them. People in real life must be rejecting them for a reason.
Sanman Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 They have haven't they? I suppose people who have these unwanted qualities wouldn't mind them in a counterpart. Jealous with jealous, ugly with ugly, desperate with desperate. I suppose in a way it works :S People with confidence, personality and decent looks don't need internet dating. Arrogant with arrogant? That might work for you To answer the OP, I have been in a relationship that resulted from OLD for a year and we are talking marriage. Three of my closest friends met their wives online as well. To be fair, two of us met our SO on ethnic dating sites that maybe a bit different from general OLD.
FitChick Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 My friend was a successful TV writer and only met people in the entertainment business. She had dated a few famous actors, producers and directors. What she wanted was someone normal, so tried online dating on a niche website. Because she is attractive and had the advantage of being a wonderful writer, she had her pick of many successful businessmen who were too busy to date because of travel and working long hours. She found a great guy and they've been happily married for ten years. Because she doesn't have to work, she now enjoys volunteering at several animal charities and rescue centers My brother, who is tall, slim and attractive, met his wife, who is a tiny, dark haired Italian CPA, on match.com. They've been married many years. The men I've dated from dating websites were all successful businessmen who said they didn't have the time nor inclination to go to bars and clubs and the women they spent the most time with were employees and co-workers. Because many of these men travel so much for business, online dating allows them to get to know women slowly and build a relationship before meeting, which is what I prefer. Added bonus is they have lots of frequent flier miles for my plane ticket! I think age is a big factor. Men under 40 just want to fool around while older men want to settle down.
Nightsky Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 If you can find a date doing almost anything, whats wrong with using online dating? People can spend their time and energy doing anything they want to find a date. No method is much better than another. Online dating is great because it gives people the opportunity to connect with people they would otherwise never meet. Thats whats great about the internet in general. See thats the main reason I don't like it and sugest people stay away. I feel it takes away opportunity to connect with people you otherwise never meet. I dont get people who hate on OLD. If you dislike online dating' date=' then dont post on these forums either. Follow your logic fully. Go to the "real" world and ask for dating advice. Dont come here since "there are much better ways to spend your time and energy" [/quote'] This forum isn't online dating. In fact you could make an arguement these forums are for bitching about things you don't like including online dating. I'm not really here to bitch though. I'm posting in this thread to agree with the premise of the OP and sugest you focus dating energies else where. To agree that online dating is for the most part fruitless. So follow your logic fully and understand that I'm saying there are much better ways to spend your time and energy than online dating... not than posting in a forum. Two different things. I never said all internet should be gone. OLD is not the internet. This is sh!!t reasoning. What a garbage comparison. How can you compare online dating to a seriously harmful and addictive drug. Are you daft? Theres nothing inherently bad about online dating. Its simply another useful way to date. Who cares if its popular or not. It works for some and doesnt work for some others. Same thing with bars, clubs, parks, campuses, etc. You try and defend your idiotic comparison...but that wont fly. You could of easily compared OLD to a type of food or music thats become popular. To use dangerous drugs shows your serious bias in the matter. Its clear you lack any objectivity. Again I didn't compare OLD to a drug I compared the statement its getting very popular. As if something being used more legitimizes it. Not necesarily. I understand you don't understand even after much explenation though. No' date=' popularity does not mean something is good...but just why is OLD popular? Because its an easy way to meet new people, it increases your dating pool, and its been a success for MANY people. Has meth been a success for anyone? Therefore your comparison was crap. [/quote'] Man you can't you wrote a lot about this. The point of using Meth was to use something that was obviously getting more popular in recent times but is easily argued bad. Again I was only comparing the phrase it has become more popular. MORPG have become more popular are they good?.. again I'm not comparing the activity only the fact they have become more poplular. I know you can't rap your mind around what I'm saying but try because you're not arguing with me your just arguing with what you think I've said and as I told the previous poster "no thats not what I said or meant." Define better. Better is subjective. The word isn't subjective but I agree the criteria I may be using. I believe that for the great majority of people you're more likely to find some one to love and care about offline than on. That includes a better match, a more enjoyable way of dating, and it will work generally quicker. I know people disagree say stuff like its easier. When was easier ever better when it came to the things that matter most in life? Pretty much never. Not that I even find it easier as I've already described in my other posts here on the subject. Online dating works for some people just as well as bars' date=' clubs, mutual friends intoductions, parks, coffee houses, etc. Do you realize many people would date a lot less without online dating. They wouldnt have the opportunity to meet as many people that they click with. So why are you hating on a method that brings people together with those they connect with? [/quote'] I'm not hating on it. If some one met the love of their life online or in a bar I'd say great to them. I wouldn't think that relationship was any worse than one where they met in church or school... what ever. But if some one like the OP comes on here and basicly says OLD doesn't work or meeting people in bars doesn't work... Well to some one frustrated and still looking I'd agree. I'd say bars arn't the greatest place to meet people because its often impersonal and I'd say the same and more about OLD. Tell them it doesn't really work so not to make it their focus. Just because the OP is having trouble with OLD does not mean OLD is to blame. Shes having trouble with dating in general. Even if she met this dude out on the street somewhere' date=' he could behave the exact same way without an online profile. You dont need OLD to keep your options open. [/quote'] No you don't need OLD to keep your options open but activly keeping your profile open on a place meant for one thing in turn makes the girl keep hers open and its just a cycle. It's a lot different than randomly meeting some one on the street as you put it. FrustratedStandards just made a thread in which she had a less than stellar night out at the bar. You wanna rally against bars? And say its a crappy place to meet people? Ive met some cool chicks and have made good buddies at the bar. Ive also met some less than nice people there as well. But that can happen with a lot of things in life. She went to a bar which is a bad place to meet people. She went on a weekday. Finaly she went in with very high expectations. This has nothing to do with me saying OLD is bad. If you go to bars as your main hope of meeting some on just as going OLD as your main hopes than yes its bad. Thats how a lot of people use OLD though. Why should I stay away from it? My childhood friend met his current long term girlfriend online. And my best friend has had several good dates using OLD as well. I made arguement already. I never said it was imposible to work for some one. But like I said, online dating increases the number of people you can meet. My next great love could be online right now, but if I dont have a profile and do a search I may never run into her in the real world. It would seem stupid to me not to use whatever methods are available to me to increase my dating pool. Time precludes you from using every method. not to mention you prove my point when you say "next great love." This entire next attitude of people being interchangeable. Turning a person into a profile. You might also miss out on your great love by doing OLD. Think about that
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 No you don't need OLD to keep your options open but activly keeping your profile open on a place meant for one thing in turn makes the girl keep hers open and its just a cycle. It's a lot different than randomly meeting some one on the street as you put it. You might also miss out on your great love by doing OLD. Think about that totally agree with the above two... I've come across single men IRL that were obviously doing OLD (which I'm not), and well, it really screwed things up. Here, we are... two people who meet through mutual friends, or shared, local activities... attracted to each other... and they run off to do OLD like a bad drug. I suppose it is easier to be a jerk in the anonymity of OLD, so they are probably doing me a favor. Problem is, once you develop that bad habit, it is probably a tough one to break (being a jerk that is). Even the ones who aren't trying to sleep around aren't engaging with women IRL as much anymore so they can retreat into the 'safety' of OLD. It's messed up.
FitChick Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Here, we are... two people who meet through mutual friends, or shared, local activities... attracted to each other... and they run off to do OLD like a bad drug. Maybe they weren't that attracted to you.
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Maybe they weren't that attracted to you. Of course, not all are. A couple were, since they keep randomly trying to get something going again with me after they made the OLD rounds. Yuck. Once that little window of opportunity passes, I've never been able to get those feelings back. It is the main reason that my future SO has really zero to worry about from any men in my past. I've never gone backwards. The problem is, people are lured into this fantasy of something that looks good in the fantasy world that is OLD... when in reality, they probably have very little in common. They have more in common (long term) with people they meet IRL through friends/family and shared activities. I also have male friends who have turned down opportunities to date women they meet IRL out of fear. For instance, one of my best male friends refuses to date women he knows from his running group because he's worried what will happen if it doesn't work out. Instead, he chooses to date a woman with two kids he has a hard time getting along with, and whose credit sucks (this is a guy who is VERY fiscally conservative). Why? Because in the long run, he can dump her with impunity should the occasion arise. That's what I think anyway. And well, there are things about his past he doesn't want people in his running group finding out. So, there ya go. This is what I'm talking about.
sid3 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I'd guess it works for a small percentage of people who use it. It seems like it would be more like work. People also bring their unrealistic expectations into it, more so than in real life given the "shopping" type feel that searching profiles creates. I can't imagine online dating replacing one of life's greatest pleasures, that excitement of initial attraction experienced when in person . Searching profiles and screening applicants, that doesn't sound even slightly romantic. 1
FitChick Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 They have more in common (long term) with people they meet IRL through friends/family and shared activities. For instance, one of my best male friends refuses to date women he knows from his running group because he's worried what will happen if it doesn't work out. That is a legitimate concern and why I don't date anyone at my company. I don't want everyone knowing my personal business. Online dating gives me that privacy.
HeartOnSleeve Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem. Or they work heaps, have a lot of married friends, or are just over meeting people at bars. For example. I own a business and work a TON! My friends are mostly paired off and "over" going out for the minute. So OLD makes sense and is a good way for me to explore some options. I'm not ugly and have good self esteem. I'm doing OLD and I do somewhat agree with the OP, however I think it's possible to meet your "match" OLD. I've had 4 friends find love from those darn sites
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 That is a legitimate concern and why I don't date anyone at my company. I don't want everyone knowing my personal business. Online dating gives me that privacy. I understand, FitChick, and it is tempting. I'd also like to think that the extra layer of caution and consequences keeps people from being a-holes. There are two men I know of at my former company who did OLD for a little while, but ultimately ended up marrying women they met at work. They are both very prominent now. I doubt they would have done OLD at all if they had the positions then that they do now. Two women I know at this same company married men they met there too. It is a large company though. I used to be the kind to absolutely refuse to date anyone I work with. I've relaxed that criteria a bit recently... to allow in men I believe are definately looking to remarry. Those who aren't serious or appear to be just playing the field? Sure, I stay away from them. funny thing is... at work or in other areas of my real life, I know who those guys are. In OLD, they can post any old BS (like they are looking for a committed relationship) and I'd never know what their dating history was like... if they were faithful, if they were discreet, kind, whatever. Nothing to go on at all. If I decide to stop caring whether a guy is legit or not, I suppose I'll try it again. who knows... Or, if I move to a new area and want someone to show me around, I suppose that would be one way to do it too.
sid3 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Or they work heaps, have a lot of married friends, or are just over meeting people at bars. For example. I own a business and work a TON! My friends are mostly paired off and "over" going out for the minute. So OLD makes sense and is a good way for me to explore some options. I'm not ugly and have good self esteem. I'm doing OLD and I do somewhat agree with the OP, however I think it's possible to meet your "match" OLD. I've had 4 friends find love from those darn sites I agree, in fact I would say those that do succeed with OLD are those who actually are able to date more sucessfully in real life, but for a number or reasons they have chosen to go the online route. I do think these people are vastly out numbered by the creepers online, both men and women. Some people just have way too many issues to be even thinking about dating
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 besides, I can imagine it is alot easier for people to be hooking up with relative strangers in OLD. duh, right? For both men and women, they can sleep with as many people as they like without consequences and call it a 'relationship'. That ain't happening IRL. There are lots of consequences for irresponsible behavior IRL, which is exactly the way I like it. I have no problems being on my best behavior in either circumstance. Another reason I'll probably start making it one of my screening tools to start eliminating the men currently doing OLD from my pool. Let 'em be messing around on someone else's time. More and more, I'm just thinking that men who are hooked on OLD just don't share my values. It's like dating porn. Instant gratification.
RedRobin Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I agree, in fact I would say those that do succeed with OLD are those who actually are able to date more sucessfully in real life, but for a number or reasons they have chosen to go the online route. I do think these people are vastly out numbered by the creepers online, both men and women. Some people just have way too many issues to be even thinking about dating Well, and I think that even normally decent people can easily get carried away with OLD. So, they may not actually be creepers... but they become creepers because they've gotten used to the no-strings thrill of it. Or, if you haven't dated for awhile and are just learning the ropes again (like I was after the end of a very long relationship), you get overwhelmed by the shear number of jerks and start thinking THAT is what men and dating are about... which I'd rather not believe. And don't, when I'm dating IRL. It's kind of a chicken and egg thing. Do people become jerks because of OLD, or does OLD attract jerks? Not sure. Not my first option by a long shot...
sid3 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Well, and I think that even normally decent people can easily get carried away with OLD. So, they may not actually be creepers... but they become creepers because they've gotten used to the no-strings thrill of it. Or, if you haven't dated for awhile and are just learning the ropes again (like I was after the end of a very long relationship), you get overwhelmed by the shear number of jerks and start thinking THAT is what men and dating are about... which I'd rather not believe. And don't, when I'm dating IRL. It's kind of a chicken and egg thing. Do people become jerks because of OLD, or does OLD attract jerks? Not sure. Not my first option by a long shot... I'm thinking OLD both attracts and creates jerks /crazy bitchez. Probably less of the creates.From what I can tell, it seems for the majority it is a frustrating and discouraging experience. Statistically speaking, those who meet their 'match' are overwhelming out numbered by those who have no such luck. Not to mention the countless bad first date experience stories. Although, who doesn't love hearing about those. But I doubt there are no consequences for those that use online dating solely for hooking up. Skeevy, but one man's trash is another man's treasure.
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