Pancakesplease Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I've been lurking around here for awhile, reading threads etc. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people on this site like myself use OLD sites as their primary source of actually dating and meeting people....that being said, I do not WANT to use these sites, but found that if I do not, I don't date at all, I live in a small town with not much going on, so I delve into to pool of greater Boston area to meet guys...with that being said...the flaws of OLD are really starting to rear it's ugly head...... I've been dating a fella for around two and a half months....met him online, we clicked and see each other a few times a week. He is funny and treats me well, I am really starting to care for him, we have taken the next step and have become intimate... That being said...he hasn't mentioned us becoming "exclusive" and he still has his profile up (my profile is down)....he does ask me if I've been on dates this week and I tell him no, that I don't want to date other people.....so when he asked if I'm seeing someone else, again, when he had JUST asked me two days ago....I asked "why, do you care if I do?" he then said...." I don't care WHAT you do"...... If he doesn't care why does he ask? He also talks about taking his profile down, but doesn't. This whole OLD mentality is "the grass is always greener" people keeping their profiles up even though they are dating someone they enjoy and have a connection with, but afraid they are missing out and keep looking....I feel that's what HE is doing, but doesn't want me to do.. Have any of you had successful relationships based upon meeting someone online?
ditzchic Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 It's not OLD dating exclusive. A lot of dating relationships don't work out. That's why everyone doesn't happily marry the first person they date. Keep your head up. The one for you is out there.
Paper Roses Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I haven't. But, why not? If you are physically together why does it matter where or how you met? 2 and 1/2 months isn't a real long time, give the guy a chance to absorb this exclusive relationship he's got now. He'll get there if it's what he wants. Just don't pressure him. Have fun. It's great to be in love.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem.
FitChick Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem. Yeah, and that's why no one has ever married anyone they met online.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Yeah, and that's why no one has ever married anyone they met online. They have haven't they? I suppose people who have these unwanted qualities wouldn't mind them in a counterpart. Jealous with jealous, ugly with ugly, desperate with desperate. I suppose in a way it works :S People with confidence, personality and decent looks don't need internet dating.
serial muse Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) I've been dating a fella for around two and a half months....met him online, we clicked and see each other a few times a week. He is funny and treats me well, I am really starting to care for him, we have taken the next step and have become intimate... That being said...he hasn't mentioned us becoming "exclusive" and he still has his profile up (my profile is down)....he does ask me if I've been on dates this week and I tell him no, that I don't want to date other people.....so when he asked if I'm seeing someone else, again, when he had JUST asked me two days ago....I asked "why, do you care if I do?" he then said...." I don't care WHAT you do"...... If he doesn't care why does he ask? He also talks about taking his profile down, but doesn't. This whole OLD mentality is "the grass is always greener" people keeping their profiles up even though they are dating someone they enjoy and have a connection with, but afraid they are missing out and keep looking....I feel that's what HE is doing, but doesn't want me to do.. To answer the last question - yes; we're now married. But don't get me wrong, I know OLD in general can be tough, and the grass is greener thing is very real. Anyway, about this guy you're dating - ugh, "I don't care WHAT you do" is a really jerky thing to say. Still, at this point you're also dancing around saying what you want (which is for you two to be exclusive), so maybe putting your cards on the table is what's called for now? That said - you SURE you want to be exclusive with this guy? Because like I said, that was jerky of him... Edited to add: Well, thanks a heap, Frustrated Standards. :eyeroll: Guess I walked into that. But you're right: I suppose my H and I are just fine with each others' lack of personality and general ugliness. Bleh. Edited March 2, 2012 by serial muse
irc333 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I feel where you're coming from, I live suburbia, where most people are married or spoken for (at least the somewhat attractive ones with a modicum of education and hygiene) while the rest look like someone out of a Larry the Cable guy family reunion. lol Occasionally, I'd see some attractive woman here and there in my area showing up in the search criteria, usually new comers to the area due to job or being close to family, realize "Crap, am I the only single woman with all her teeth, and doesn't weigh the size of a dump truck?!" and throws up an ad on here. I've been lurking around here for awhile, reading threads etc. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people on this site like myself use OLD sites as their primary source of actually dating and meeting people....that being said, I do not WANT to use these sites, but found that if I do not, I don't date at all, I live in a small town with not much going on, so I delve into to pool of greater Boston area to meet guys...with that being said...the flaws of OLD are really starting to rear it's ugly head...... I've been dating a fella for around two and a half months....met him online, we clicked and see each other a few times a week. He is funny and treats me well, I am really starting to care for him, we have taken the next step and have become intimate... That being said...he hasn't mentioned us becoming "exclusive" and he still has his profile up (my profile is down)....he does ask me if I've been on dates this week and I tell him no, that I don't want to date other people.....so when he asked if I'm seeing someone else, again, when he had JUST asked me two days ago....I asked "why, do you care if I do?" he then said...." I don't care WHAT you do"...... If he doesn't care why does he ask? He also talks about taking his profile down, but doesn't. This whole OLD mentality is "the grass is always greener" people keeping their profiles up even though they are dating someone they enjoy and have a connection with, but afraid they are missing out and keep looking....I feel that's what HE is doing, but doesn't want me to do.. Have any of you had successful relationships based upon meeting someone online?
PrincessPeach Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I have had a successful relationship through meeting first online. I don't agree about it being for people who are ugly or desperate or who have poor people skills. More and more people are doing it. And for someone like me I don't really like the bar/nightclub thing, so meeting people there isn't appealing at all. I work in a small office with three other people (all married) so I'm not meeting anyone at work. Historically my friends have not been so good in setting me up with guys that I actually am interested in. Online dating is convenient, doesn't take more time than I want it to, and happens to be where a lot of people are. It's just another place to meet, like a club or through work or whatever. It will work and be good for some, and for others it won't be their cup of tea. There are plenty of weirdos and lousy prospects everywhere else too. I don't think these websites have any significantly higher concentrations of them.
CarrieT Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Have any of you had successful relationships based upon meeting someone online? Yes. I just came back from a week in Paris with a man I met last September online. I have just begun to meet his kids and we are talking seriously about the future (me living with him by the end of the year, going on a family vacation with him and his kids this summer, and what marriage means to us). But I am in my late 40s and have had to date a LOT of guys online before finding this gem.
Ross MwcFan Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem. Are you for real?
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I have had a successful relationship through meeting first online. I don't agree about it being for people who are ugly or desperate or who have poor people skills.. Yes and plenty of people have met the loves of their lives in alchol/drug/smoke filled night clubs with blaring music and very dim lighting. It's great you've had sucess but it hardly seems to work. I'd actualy rather meet a girl at a bar than OLD. More and more people are doing it. And for someone like me I don't really like the bar/nightclub thing' date=' so meeting people there isn't appealing at all. I work in a small office with three other people (all married) so I'm not meeting anyone at work. Historically my friends have not been so good in setting me up with guys that I actually am interested in.[/quote'] More people are doing Meth than ever too. More people are doing a lot of things these days involving technology that arn't good for them from eating processed food to not going out into the real world enough and living. As far as friends setting you up on dates for the most part any one they set you up with won't be that great. I would dread being set up. If my friends have a mutual friend I'm attracted to I'm perfectly capable of setting myself up. Online dating is convenient' date=' doesn't take more time than I want it to, and happens to be where a lot of people are. It's just another place to meet, like a club or through work or whatever. It will work and be good for some, and for others it won't be their cup of tea.[/quote'] I feel it takes more time for a man than just doing it the traditional way. It adds the trouble of being ignored 100 times over. In real life you arn't going to be ignored by 100 girls you try to talk to at the park or what ever. You're atleast going to get a quick "hi" back or something. There are plenty of weirdos and lousy prospects everywhere else too. I don't think these websites have any significantly higher concentrations of them. The internet seems to foster this mentality of continuing to actively look by keeping a profile active. What kind of man says to a woman "I don't care if you see other men." I mean back in the day even players would want to have the girl all to himself while he dated other women. Face internet does foster a grass is green mentality. Internet is so cold.
ascendotum Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 so when he asked if I'm seeing someone else, again, when he had JUST asked me two days ago....I asked "why, do you care if I do?" he then said...." I don't care WHAT you do"...... If he doesn't care why does he ask? He also talks about taking his profile down, but doesn't.That would have been a great question to ask him. Why dont you re-activate your profile and see if he notices, or if he doesnt it will give you an idea of when he last loggged on, and if it was only a day or two ago, well that tells you he's still on the market. I agree with you that one of the problems with OLD is as you said there will always be someone better signing up to date the following week or I'll have 70 new msgs in my inbox next week....and it works against both M & F. I would think most people would know by 2.5 mths if they want to contiinue on with a relationship. imo it sounds like he doesnt mind if you are still looking around, because I'd guess thats what he's doing.
PrincessPeach Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Yes and plenty of people have met the loves of their lives in alchol/drug/smoke filled night clubs with blaring music and very dim lighting. It's great you've had sucess but it hardly seems to work. I'd actualy rather meet a girl at a bar than OLD. Like I said, what works for some, doesn't for others, and visa versa. I don't know how you can claim it hardly seems to work... maybe it doesn't for you, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work for plenty of others. I don't go around saying that meeting at night clubs doesn't work. It does work, it's just not for me. More people are doing Meth than ever too. More people are doing a lot of things these days involving technology that arn't good for them from eating processed food to not going out into the real world enough and living. I don't see how meth is comparable to meeting people. In order to meet people, you have to go somewhere that people are. An online dating site just happens to be one of many places a person can go to meet people. I never argued it as being better or worse, just as being another option that more and more people are using. As far as friends setting you up on dates for the most part any one they set you up with won't be that great. I would dread being set up. If my friends have a mutual friend I'm attracted to I'm perfectly capable of setting myself up. I haven't had much luck with that either. You also seem to be male, and the advice for a man and woman in seeking relationships can be different in many cases. I feel it takes more time for a man than just doing it the traditional way. It adds the trouble of being ignored 100 times over. In real life you arn't going to be ignored by 100 girls you try to talk to at the park or what ever. You're atleast going to get a quick "hi" back or something. I don't know whether or not you noticed... but the OP happens to be a woman. Not a man. So you thinking that it would take more time for a man doesn't really seem relevant for her.
kaylan Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem. The internet is apart of our real world silly. Its nothing but another avenue to meet potential dates. Theres nothing wrong with it. Why do some people act all snotty about online dating? Its 2012! for fvks sake. Why should someone be forced to have a smaller dating pool, or meet less people, because those people are online? The internet allows us to make friends with people we would otherwise NEVER meet. People who can be pretty damn chill. And get the fvk outta here with your bs about online dating being for the really ugly. Have you seen some profiles? Plenty of attractive people use online dating. From your recent threads, you seem to be failing quite a bit in your dating life. Guys arent trying to wife you up...so your communication style is apparently turning decent men off it seems. And you wanna call others desperate when you were practically begging for men to come talk to you at the bar in your last thread. Get the hell outta here with this nonsense. You cannot pass judgement on others. Online dating is a perfectly fine way to date. So is through mutual friends, bars, clubs, bookstores, parks etc. Theres no one correct way to date. Get off your high horse before I kick it in the knee caps. 2
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I have tried online dating, and not once have I seen anyone decent on there (in all aspects). As for "attractiveness", photos can lie. How many threads on here about people not looking at all like their pictures?
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Like I said, what works for some, doesn't for others, and visa versa. I don't know how you can claim it hardly seems to work... maybe it doesn't for you, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work for plenty of others. I don't go around saying that meeting at night clubs doesn't work. It does work, it's just not for me. Obviosly it can work. I mean you could do anything to find a date including hitch hiking or getting a colonoscopy. My point is there are much better ways to spend your time and energy then OLD. If used at all it should only be as a back to the real way you're meeting people. I don't see how meth is comparable to meeting people. In order to meet people' date=' you have to go somewhere that people are. An online dating site just happens to be one of many places a person can go to meet people. I never argued it as being better or worse, just as being another option that more and more people are using.[/quote'] You said online dating is becoming more popular or something like that. I was pointing out Meth is more popular too these days. You know as in something becoming more popular doesn't mean its a good thing. I wasn't comparing the the drug to OLD in any other way then too the statement you mad about it becoming more popular or what ever. The purpose of this thread obviosly isn't to prove you can't meet people at online dating sites. Its that there are better ways and for the most part you're waisting your time compared to those other ways. So you never needed to point out online dating was a place you can meet people because that wasn't the arguement. The arguement is the OP has had nothing but trouble with OLD and wants to focus else where. I agree OLD should not be your main hope at finding some one. How depressing that would be. It shoul be looked at as you say just one place too meet people... but I take it a step further and compare it to a bar. You know how people say bars arn't good places to meet people. I say that counts for OLD double. I haven't had much luck with that either. You also seem to be male' date=' and the advice for a man and woman in seeking relationships can be different in many cases.[/quote'] My advice is to men and woman. Stay away from OLD. If you really like it than atleast don't rely on it as your only hope. My advice goes double for men. I don't know whether or not you noticed... but the OP happens to be a woman. Not a man. So you thinking that it would take more time for a man doesn't really seem relevant for her. Means she's meeting guys who are very impersonal and probably msged hundreds of women. Also same advice applies to women. If you go out and do stuff to meet people every guy she meets is the equivelant of an OLD first date. She gets to see them in person right away. Pictures arn't accurate, and even when you see some one in video its different being with them in person having a conversation. That means if you go out to a sunday barbq or what ever and get to talk and be around people you're doing the real thing.
kaylan Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I have tried online dating, and not once have I seen anyone decent on there (in all aspects). As for "attractiveness", photos can lie. How many threads on here about people not looking at all like their pictures? I guess you live in a crappy area with bad prospects. I live in NY and there a plenty of decent gals online who have a lot to offer. And there a lots of attractive girls online too. And there arent loads of threads on here about people not looking like their pics. There are some threads. But remember...people come here to gripe...so its not indicative of the entire online dating world. Plenty of people who post here have met someone from online who looked like their pictures. If you dont want to use online dating...suit yourself. Its not like you are succeed using any dating avenue. And your attitude would be a very big reason why Id pass you up. Guys looking for a girlfriend can smell that nastiness and hate it.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Really? I'm SO surprised that women in NY actually need to resort to online dating to find someone! There is so much life in New York, there is so much to do. That's actually really sad. I'm not nasty, I'm just allowed to be a big b*tch on LS. It's where I vent. And believe me, if you met me in real life, you would like me
tigressA Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I used OLD because I wanted to expand my dating pool. I wasn't liking what I saw locally and I wanted to meet guys in other nearby cities. I had a lot of success with it. I had only one negative experience and that was on my first try. And even then it wasn't the worst time ever.
kaylan Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Im gonna enjoy picking this apart. Obviosly it can work. I mean you could do anything to find a date including hitch hiking or getting a colonoscopy. My point is there are much better ways to spend your time and energy then OLD. If used at all it should only be as a back to the real way you're meeting people. If you can find a date doing almost anything, whats wrong with using online dating? People can spend their time and energy doing anything they want to find a date. No method is much better than another. Online dating is great because it gives people the opportunity to connect with people they would otherwise never meet. Thats whats great about the internet in general. I dont get people who hate on OLD. If you dislike online dating, then dont post on these forums either. Follow your logic fully. Go to the "real" world and ask for dating advice. Dont come here since "there are much better ways to spend your time and energy" You said online dating is becoming more popular or something like that. I was pointing out Meth is more popular too these days. You know as in something becoming more popular doesn't mean its a good thing. I wasn't comparing the the drug to OLD in any other way then too the statement you mad about it becoming more popular or what ever. This is sh!!t reasoning. What a garbage comparison. How can you compare online dating to a seriously harmful and addictive drug. Are you daft? Theres nothing inherently bad about online dating. Its simply another useful way to date. Who cares if its popular or not. It works for some and doesnt work for some others. Same thing with bars, clubs, parks, campuses, etc. You try and defend your idiotic comparison...but that wont fly. You could of easily compared OLD to a type of food or music thats become popular. To use dangerous drugs shows your serious bias in the matter. Its clear you lack any objectivity. No, popularity does not mean something is good...but just why is OLD popular? Because its an easy way to meet new people, it increases your dating pool, and its been a success for MANY people. Has meth been a success for anyone? Therefore your comparison was crap. The purpose of this thread obviosly isn't to prove you can't meet people at online dating sites. Its that there are better ways and for the most part you're waisting your time compared to those other ways. So you never needed to point out online dating was a place you can meet people because that wasn't the arguement. The arguement is the OP has had nothing but trouble with OLD and wants to focus else where. Define better. Better is subjective. Online dating works for some people just as well as bars, clubs, mutual friends intoductions, parks, coffee houses, etc. Do you realize many people would date a lot less without online dating. They wouldnt have the opportunity to meet as many people that they click with. So why are you hating on a method that brings people together with those they connect with? Just because the OP is having trouble with OLD does not mean OLD is to blame. Shes having trouble with dating in general. Even if she met this dude out on the street somewhere, he could behave the exact same way without an online profile. You dont need OLD to keep your options open. FrustratedStandards just made a thread in which she had a less than stellar night out at the bar. You wanna rally against bars? And say its a crappy place to meet people? Ive met some cool chicks and have made good buddies at the bar. Ive also met some less than nice people there as well. But that can happen with a lot of things in life. I agree OLD should not be your main hope at finding some one. How depressing that would be. It shoul be looked at as you say just one place too meet people... but I take it a step further and compare it to a bar. You know how people say bars arn't good places to meet people. I say that counts for OLD double. No one method should be used as someonely main hope. She should use as many options as available to her if shes serious about dating and having fun. Bars can be a fine place to meet people, so can OLD. I dont see how either is better or worse. You meet all types of people in a bar, just like you do online. My advice is to men and woman. Stay away from OLD. If you really like it than atleast don't rely on it as your only hope. My advice goes double for men. Why should I stay away from it? My childhood friend met his current long term girlfriend online. And my best friend has had several good dates using OLD as well. Means she's meeting guys who are very impersonal and probably msged hundreds of women. Im not gonna hate on what some dudes have to do to get a reply. Especially considering women get bombarded with messages if they are attractive. In that case the chick isnt gonna wanna read through numerous long messages. If the guy makes his presence known, and looks appealing, she will check out his profile. If she likes what she sees or reads, she will reply. Doesnt work too much different out in the "real world" Also same advice applies to women. If you go out and do stuff to meet people every guy she meets is the equivelant of an OLD first date. She gets to see them in person right away. Pictures arn't accurate, and even when you see some one in video its different being with them in person having a conversation. That means if you go out to a sunday barbq or what ever and get to talk and be around people you're doing the real thing. But like I said, online dating increases the number of people you can meet. My next great love could be online right now, but if I dont have a profile and do a search I may never run into her in the real world. It would seem stupid to me not to use whatever methods are available to me to increase my dating pool. 1
PlumPrincess Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 That's because online dating is for people who can't make relationships work in the real world. That's why they hope an online site can "match" them with someone it would be easy to get along with. Online dating, in my opinion, is for the really ugly or for those who have really bad communication skills. That, or they're desperate and have no self-esteem. I'm not ugly. On the other hand, of course I'm not like you who has a similar attraction factor as Charlize Theron...
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I'm not ugly. On the other hand, of course I'm not like you who has a similar attraction factor as Charlize Theron... Hmm yeah. That could be it
kaylan Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Really? I'm SO surprised that women in NY actually need to resort to online dating to find someone! There is so much life in New York, there is so much to do. That's actually really sad. I'm not nasty, I'm just allowed to be a big b*tch on LS. It's where I vent. And believe me, if you met me in real life, you would like me Why is it sad? Read TigressA's reponse if you still cant understand why someone would use online dating. I used OLD because I wanted to expand my dating pool. I wasn't liking what I saw locally and I wanted to meet guys in other nearby cities. I had a lot of success with it. I had only one negative experience and that was on my first try. And even then it wasn't the worst time ever. This.
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