yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 So I've been trying to lose weight for a while. I've taken a pilates class for two semesters at my college and did yoga for a semester and also a butts and guts workout which is mostly aerobics. My boyfriend doesn't directly say I'm fat but I know he thinks that. When ever we eat lunch he'll tell me "you should ride your indoor bike" or when I get back from class that I should do Zumba. Or that I should go to the gym. And if I want to play a game I should play WiiFit. So last August I worked out so everyday ad ate fruits an vegetables that I got shingles because I was workin out too much and I wasn't eating right (according to my doctor.) It hurts when he says these things to me. I eat fine and I don't snack and I don't eat fast food. I usually eat fish for dinner with salad or rice. He doesn't seem to look at me like he did before and feels like he only cares how I look and it feels like he feels embarrassed to be seen with me. I need some kind of diet or workout plan. Can anyone help me?
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 yes but not obese. I'm 22, 5'1 and 69 kilos. I also take four different medications and my doctor says it might be a reason why its hard for me to lose weight.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I'm sorry that your boyfriend is being hurtful to you. Do you feel okay about the way you look?
ffw Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 OP, do you personally think you need to reduce your weight? Is he in shape to make comments on others? How long two of you have been together?
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I don't really know anymore because of how it makes me feel.
volkl1996 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Change for you, not for him. Sounds like it's time for a new boyfriend who is not insecure.
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 OP, do you personally think you need to reduce your weight? Is he in shape to make comments on others? How long two of you have been together? we've been together for almost 3 and a half years. He weighs less than me but he's not someone who goes to the gym or has abs. I never tell him that he should work out or anything because I love him for who he is. Not what he looks like.
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I'm 5'6 and also 69 kilos.... But you're taller than me. You probably look good. and a guy.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Your own weight and fitness issues are things you need to look at OUTSIDE of the context of your boyfriend picking at you about them. I am not in favor of anybody bugging their partner about their weight. Anyway, he told you his opinion of your weight, and now he is out of bounds for continuing to mention it. If I were you, I would tell him how it makes you feel, and that it does not contribute to a good emotional environment for you to embark on a physical self improvement campaign.
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Your own weight and fitness issues are things you need to look at OUTSIDE of the context of your boyfriend picking at you about them. I am not in favor of anybody bugging their partner about their weight. Anyway, he told you his opinion of your weight, and now he is out of bounds for continuing to mention it. If I were you, I would tell him how it makes you feel, and that it does not contribute to a good emotional environment for you to embark on a physical self improvement campaign. I tell him to stop every time he says something but all he says is that he wants me to look better.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I tell him to stop every time he says something but all he says is that he wants me to look better. Forget about HIS wants for a minute..do YOU think you need to lose weight and look better?
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Forget about HIS wants for a minute..do YOU think you need to lose weight and look better? I do want to lose alittle, but everything I do doesn't work. Its been like that for a few years since I started taking one of my four medicines i have to take.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Tell him thanks for his concern; his comments and prodding are NOT helping. There has been quite a bit of back and forth on this board about whether or not it's appropriate for a person to tell their partner that their weight gain is affecting the level of attraction. I think it's a very slippery slope. Personally, I always know when I've put on a few. Feeling bad about myself will NEVER ben the catalyst I need to get me back in healthy mode. In any case, he HAS told you how he feels. You need to sit down and talk to him about YOUR feelings - not when he's said something again. He needs to stop hurting your feelings. If he can't accept you the way you look right now, he is free to move on. I don't mean that harshly towards you - it's the truth, though. Once he stops hurting your feelings about your weight, you can take a good look at yourself and decide if you want to make changes, for your own sake.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Tell him to hit the highway. I don't know why you put up with it. You are who you are and try to do your best and if that's not good enough he can go ** in his ** hat. 1
Kamille Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Do you complain about your weight around him? Does he know one of your goals is to lose weight? Were you at the same weight 3 years ago, when you started dating? I'm seeing two potential scenarios: 1) Your boyfriend wants you to lose weight and is hinting at it. 2) He sees your efforts at fitness and is trying to be supportive. Because you don't like your current weight, you might be misinterpreting his attempts at support for a judgement. You do say that you're trying to lose weight. I'm hoping, of course, that you're doing it for the right reasons - to be healthy and feel great for yourself. I've found that while yoga and pilates are great for balance, flexibility and (some) strength, they're not that great at burning calories. I used to try to manage weight with yoga and pilates and would stagnate at the same weight. I recently switched to weightlifting and running and am seeing my body change. (For awhile I lifted twice a week, run three times a week and do yoga once a week. Now that I reached my goal weight, I'm taking it down to lift twice a week, run twice a week and yoga once).
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I've had girls who complain about weight to me and I'll have no shame and say hit the gym. They then ask me if I think they are fat to which I say no but you were complaining about how you feel. What are these medications you're taking. How the heck eating a lot of fruits and vegetables get a person sick...
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I've had girls who complain about weight to me and I'll have no shame and say hit the gym. They then ask me if I think they are fat to which I say no but you were complaining about how you feel. What are these medications you're taking. How the heck eating a lot of fruits and vegetables get a person sick... I had a unhealthy immune system and I'm taking 4 different anti epileptic medicines
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 You are very overweight for your height...especially at 21 years old. I'm surprised your doctor didn't ring some alarm bells. You're knocking on the door of major health issues. You are very overweight and the next label for you is going to be 'obese'. You need to make an ACTUAL effort at exercising and eating better. If you were just a bit overweight I'd question your boyfriend's motives. The fact that you are WAY overweight for your age and height suggests he is probably frustrated at your lack of discipline. Anyways, don't expect this guy to stand by like a doormat if you don't care enough about your appearance to actually make a difference. Frisky tells you to tell this guy to hit the highway...hint, he is going to on his own volition. I don't care if she's 4 foot tall and 300lbs if he's her bf he needs to talk to her with respect. What's unclear is if she's just reading into his sugesstions he may just be trying to motivate her I've seen girls be sensative and take things the wrong way. Bottom line he has every right to leave her for any reason he is unattracted. He does have a responsibility to treat her with the respect of a gf while he is her bf and nothing less. A 300lb person may be less sexualy appealing to most then a healthier person... but they are still people and deserve the respect any person does. At 5'1 and 69kilos she is on the heavy side but her boyfriend very well might be 100% attracted to her just as if she were a cover girl or what ever. If some one chooses to date her they have the right to break up for what ever reason but while they date her its on them to behave acordingly. She may carry the weight well her face is very pretty in the picture she has up. I'm just a little conused by her being on 5 medications and saysin stuff like eating lots of fruits and vegetables made her sick. 4
Nightsky Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I had a unhealthy immune system and I'm taking 4 different anti epileptic medicines Wow was it stress that hurt your immune system or just polution. Be careful with animal intake and try to keep it to a minimum like just at dinner a few times a week. Might help.
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Wow was it stress that hurt your immune system or just polution. Be careful with animal intake and try to keep it to a minimum like just at dinner a few times a week. Might help. It was stress and pushing myself to work out everyday and i ate almost only bananas (the banana diet) that was a mistake.
ScienceGal Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 In time, everyone gets old and unattractive. Even if you mold into his ridiculous version of *perfection*, it won't last forever. All you can do is make healthy choices and do the best to take care of yourself. It sounds like you're trying to do that physically, but not emotionally (since you're putting up with this comments that are hurting you). People who truly love their partner find a way to encourage good habits, but not force or be negative. He should not be telling you while you're eating that you need to exercise. Instead, he should notice all of the good things you are doing and question what isn't healthy (such as you eating so poorly that you get sick). You need to find a way to communicate to him that his methods are not helping you. Tell him what you'd like from him in terms of support (which might be laying off the comments). I think if you felt totally loved and supported then your stress would be lower and you might have better weight loss results. Also, perhaps you should have your doctor refer you to a nutritionist. Get on a diet/exercise plan, but do it for YOU. Hold your head high, make progress in your own time, and feel great about it. If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate that, it's time to think about moving on.
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 No, she is almost OBESE. People in the USA have a warped sense of what healthy weight is. So many people are grossly overweight that they have lost persepective. Accordinbg to the AMA her average weight should be 118lbs....overweight is 132lbs....obese is 158lbs. she's just a few pounds less than OBESE and not 'on the heavy side'. If she was 'on the heavy side' her boyfriend might want to encourage her to change her destructive lifestyle. with her bordering obesity her boyfriend is being too diplomatic. 69 kilo is 151
Author yukav Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 This me at my current weight. http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/252076_10150739675920287_752385286_20023763_451950_n.jpg
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