findingstrength Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I have a very long back story. But I'd like to throw it out to the board and hear some feedback. Basically, I was in a 4 year relationship with somebody which was rocky from the start. There were many complications with it, but the one that seemed to stick out the most was my addiction to porn and masturbating. There were countless fights from it, some getting physical, cops called, blood...you name it, it happened. We have not been officially together in over a year though we continued to do basically the same things that we've done while we were together. To make a long complicated story a little bit more simplified, for the past three months shes been talking to other people and even went away for a night with another one. I had to go to the ends of the earth to get this simple knowledge, and still she is dying that she had sex with any of these people. I know its screwed up and I should leave her and initiate NC but I am a full blown sex and love addict and it is very hard for me to do that. Lately, i've been telling myself that even if she did cheat on me, that number one it wasnt really cheating because we were not together, and that two, I could just get back with her, cheat on her a few times to "even the score" and then we could work on our issues. I dont want to face the reality that it is impossible for me to get back together with this girl. Through all the hard times she was there for me, and I really do love her, but despite all the wrong things I've done in the relationship i never cheated on her and I never lied to her on such a continuous basis. I know this cant be worked out, but there is still something inside of me that says it can be, only because we've been through so much before. No marriage and no kids with this girl so theoretically it would be simple enough to just walk away, I just cant pull myself together to do it. Even though the last incident caused my arrest and there is an order of protection forbidding me to speak to her or see her I still do it anyway.
volkl1996 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Get off this forum and go get some serious medical and psychological help.
SongOfAWoman Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Seriously, leave this girl, and any girl, alone until you fix your problems! Do you have any idea how it feels to know a man is in the other room masturbating to porn, when you are right there in the next room? And I am not ugly and fantastic in bed. At least I used to know that before all this.
CC12 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Walk away. Leave the girl alone completely. You have an extremely unhealthy mentality and you're doing things that are not only very ****ed up, but also illegal and you can't seem to control yourself. And I'm not even talking about the porn thing. Please get some counseling.
Author findingstrength Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks guys. Those are three of the worst responses that I've ever heard. Im in counseling but wanted thoughts/opinions of others. These replies are thoughtless and disgusting.
CC12 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Im in counseling but wanted thoughts/opinions of others. You did get the thoughts and opinions of others, you just didn't like them. Good luck with your counseling.
jennisfora Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 If there is a protection order, and the police have been involved...yeah, better walk away. not walking away at this point is bad for you, and bad for her. This isn't love, it is dysfunction. You may be addicted to drama, not love or sex. either way, leave the girl alone. You won't get back with her by being pyscho. That isn't appealing, or attractive, or healthy.
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