Pantalion Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Hello all, I am divorced. It happened just this week. My xW had another person, who was her WAW trigger. However, she says she thinks about me when she is with the OM and thinks of the OM when she is with me. When we were at the final divorce hearing, we held hands and changed a kiss on our way out. She even told me she was thinking of telling the para-legal that she would drop my name (she took it when we married) just until we remarry again. On the other hand, after the divorce hearing we went together for a coffee and I asked her to have dinner with me. I also told her I if she had already initiated a relationship with the OM I would not have asked her to have dinner with me. She then asked me, what did I consider as initiating a relationship? Would I consider them to have initiated a relationship if she went to had dinner with the OM on our divorce day instead of me? At that point I excused myself, told her I did not want to be part of her life while she was with the OM (who is a scum really and its the second marriage he helps to end) and went NC on her. Minimum contact only by e-mail and always initiated by her. We have a 6 years old daughter. The OM is an old flame of her (she actually dumped him 15 years ago because she fell in love with me) and they are not compatible (they are from different worlds - I caought some messages they had exchanged and there is trouble brewing already only after 3 months). I still love her. What should I do now? Stay friends with her and continued to show my already aknowledged (bv her) 180s or should I maintain the NC expecting her to miss me? Thanks.
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If it brings you pain then stay away. Only make contact regarding what is important right now, your daughter.
Author Pantalion Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Thanks for your input. It just feels so strange...I can tell she wants to maintain contact, but she may well just keeping me on the side in case her first choice doesn't work. I will tell you waht I would like: to do a "Hank Moody" (from Californication). He still loves the mother of his daughter and is always around, even when she is dating others. My xW would love this, I'm sure...
carhill Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 IMO, focus on business-like LC with your exW and being a responsible and loving father to your child. The future is what it is. You got divorced for a reason. If a new relationship (fugetabout the old one; that was toxic) begins in the future, it does. Once you've grieved the end of this relationship and reached neutrality, then view the circumstances with a neutral eye and see how it goes. If your exW wanted to be married to you, she'd still be married to you. It's as simple as that. She even told me she was thinking of telling the para-legal that she would drop my name (she took it when we married) just until we remarry again. IMO, from long life experience, that's a mind-fµck, designed to do two things; 1. ease your suffering from her excising your surname from her life and 2. providing a glimmer of 'hope' for the future. Classic manipulation.
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