B3N Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Wondering if i could trouble you guys for your opinion on a problem i've been having. I'll try keep it short. I haven't been speaking to my best friend since early january, its not through lack of effort trying on my part. She knows i'm upset about the situation and she knows i want to sort it and that i hate arguments. The reason why we started fighting is because i found out that she was lying to me about stupid things, i just didn't think she was being much of a friend. I had a week where i just wanted a bit of space from her, i didn't text her or call her for that week and neither did she. After about a week I asked if she wanted to meet up and talk, we ended up talking on the phone and things got pretty heated. Since that phone call (in mid january) she hasn't text or called me, i've asked her if she wants to meet up, she said she only wants to meet up with our other mutual friends there (dunno why, we always used to do stuff together just the two of us!) An immediate family member recently got diagnosed with cancer, she didn't want to know, i didn't tell her to guilt trip her into speaking to me, i told her cause i really needed her. After all we've been friends for over ten years I thought that she'd care. The only thing that shes said to me is that she needs space.....i gave her space, no contact for a month. yet she still wants nothing to do with me. I'm so down about this, as sad as it sounds its like going through a break up, (although its strictly platonic!!!!!!) we've gone from speaking daily to speaking monthly, everytime my phone goes i hope its from her saying that she wants to meet and talk....it never is. Went on facebook today and i've seen that shes going to this girls birthday party (a girl who she absoulutely hates and this girl makes no effort with my friend) It hurts that this other girl doesn't care one bit about her, whereas i care about her and want to sort things, yet she doesnt care less. Its really narked me! I can't give up, i can't chuck away a 10 year friendship over nothing, but it really hurts that she doesn't care What would you guys do if you were in my situation? has anyone been in a similar situation? I've tried everything, trying to talk, leaving her alone, doing stuff with other friends. I just want it to go back to how it was.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 You aren't throwing away a 10 year friendship, she is. Also, she isn't trustworthy, she lies and isn't there for you as a friend when you need her most. People grow apart, sometimes it just happens, things change. Don't chase her and don't rely on her anymore. I know it hurts to lose someone you care about, especially someone who you've had a long history with. Sorry to hear about your family member having cancer. Cancer sucks! Also, her reaction is telling..I don't know of many people who would ask for space when their friend needed them most. Makes me think of what type of friend she was to begin with. ? Rely on other friends and your family.. Let this go for now and focus on staying positive for your family and be there to help eachother through this illness and the fight against it.
The Outlaw Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I'm honestly not sure if things can ever go back to the way they were with the way she's acting. You can just try to tell her how you feel about the situation as a whole and see what she says/reacts and then go from there, but if she doesn't respond, nor seem interested, as hard as it will be, move on. Sometimes people just drift apart, and people just go in different directions in their lives. I myself just ended a friendship that was very similar to what you just described, but it's over something she said to me that made me end it. But you said she was lying to you about certain things. Honesty is just as important in friendships as it is in relationships, without it, it's likely doomed to fail. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but I guess time will determine what happens next. Hopefully this has helped you
Boo Radley Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Are you positive that she lied to you? If so, send her a card or letter stating that "I was hurt deeply when I discovered that I wasnt being told the truth and that if I have done anything to hurt you, I apologize." Tell her that you miss her and will forever be her friend and that if she ever wants to talk, youll always be there.
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