HarleyLover76 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Got a great new gf, though it doesn't feel so new. We both rushed in, living together in her place after a month, its been 4 months now and things are great. We had a few bumps though, after revealing some things about our past sexual history. We both have had same sex encounters and used drugs and partied all through our 20s, but here we are in our 30s more mature and trustworthy, thank God lol. We hardly leave each other's sight. After hearing her reluctantly tell me some of her past (she was eager to hear some of my stories but with her it made her upset at times)I asked if I had to worry about her and other chicks. Well she shot that one down. I like the kink in the bedroom but would never share her. Made that mistake in a past relationship, which I told her all about. She has a very hung ex she lived w him 5 years ago and he banged other women behind her back, she found out caught him redhanded but still maintained contact w him on fb. She made out w another chic in front of him before this. Anyway she left him but stayed in touch to "make him pay". Since meeting me she wrote him to tell him she met someone and closed off contact w him. I had my own feelings about this, and insecurities but I was able to get past that. That rel she had w him was 9 months. After that she dated a couple of wealthy guys who pretty much strung her along or used her for sex, then she met me. Keep in mind while she was off and on w those two guys before me she was still KIT w her hung ex in FL. (We're in NY). She says she was always looking for love, but got hurt by these "*******s". We both like to drink and that's when the good conversations come lol. I'm over the initial jealousy and insecurity, but why do I torture myself with wanting to know these details? Its like I'm doing a character investigation I guess. She tells me she would never cheat, but with her last ex she confided she met the hung ex from FL for drinks when he flew up to visit family. First time she told me this story I asked if they fooled around she said no. Third time around she said they kissed and she left the bar. She wanted to make him feel like ****. Why would she harbor so much ill energy toward an ex? Also apparently I'm the best man she ever had, wanting to be with her all the time, treating her right, etc. All the others were cheaters or druggies...yet she gave them all chances...I'm glad we're together and we explore w sextoys and kink, and yes the hung ex has come up in bed...lol...its a turn on for me but she gets really upset talking about him bc she doesn't want "to give the scumbag credit"...seems to me she's still hung up on him. She wants us to visit FL for vacation and I'm worried about nostalgic memories or running into him would do me in... I know we shouldn't bring up the past but I've asked the same Q s to other gfs and they all didn't mind talking about anything...it made us so hot...but this one gets a little defensive when she's not in the mood. Our sex life is very good though and I don't suspect she would cheat on me but then again we are all possible of anything. Would love feedback but I'm just here to vent mostly...
Author HarleyLover76 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Btw when I asked if she would do another chick I didn't mean w me...I wasn't asking for a threesome. Just wanted to know if she still acted on those feelings. She asked me the same thing and I assured her I would never sleep w anyone else, especially not another man, and this is 100% true in my heart. And I haven't always been faithful. But this one changed me in a few ways. We are too much alike as well, which could be either really good, or really bad... But I should probably lay off the past sexual history discussions and focus on new fantasies w just us...but she triggered it all when I moved in and she found a huge dildo(it was used once in a previous rel, I never threw it out, was planning on keeping it to myself)...she said wtf is this lol. That's too big, they get uncomfortable at that size I've had that before. I was like what? Turns out the ex is actually bigger, because we've watched porns together and she points out the cocks that resemble the ex. Lol yes we're crazy. Anyway she threw out that dildo but was eventually open to exploration so I went and bought the same one again, new, and we both love to use it(not on me, her only, we suck it together though as I **** her). And imagine we're not swingers or anything like that, just exploring our kinky side. But I am afraid deep down I may be creating a monster? We are very open with each other and talk about anything and everything...though there's been times she attacked me for what I did in my past w men...it was weird esp since she did the same thing herself w women...but we got past that. This rel is a first for both of us, being so open...just hope it doesn't bite me in the ass... Edited March 2, 2012 by HarleyLover76
Feliciti Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 Those things are uncomfortable to talk about, no matter who you are, and what it is. You hear stuff you think you'd rather not hear, and probably tell a few things you'd rather have kept for yourself. But in the end, you are together in a relationship... I trust my boyfriend. Keeping secrets from him would be cruel. I never had any previous sexual relationships, not even close, but I had a lot of other personal issues I've never spoken to anyone about. That's trust. He is 36, previously happily married, and has a daughter. This is hanging above me like a dark cloud - He loved her. They never had a dent in their 9 year old marriage. The only reason they got seperated was because his wife was discovered to be beating their child. He couldn't forgive her and kicked her out of his house, but there's still this nagging feeling - He loved her. So where do I stand? But despite the fears and uncertainty it brings, it also brings clarity. I know what he's been through. I know how he feels. I know what he has experienced. Reading my posts, especially the topic, will make it very obvious that I'm feeling a bit under pressure here, yet at the same time I'm calm. I know what to expect. I won't suddenly hear something from his parents I didn't know about. In fact, it was being left in the dark that led to their divorce. It probably wouldn't have happened if he had found out she was beating their daughter from the beginning - Suddenly hearing about it after 6 years of abuse is far worse. It can never be a bad thing to be open. I've never heard of anyone experiencing a cheating wife/husband, but despite not being certain how I'd act, I still think I'd much rather have him come home late one night, and tell me he just had an affair, than be with him for 5 years, and suddenly figure out he have had hundreds of affairs for 4 years. straight. I could forgive the first - Never the second. The fact that she can't accept what you have done, even if she have done it as well, probably just means she can't accept what she did herself either. You can't expect her to accept everything you've done in your past, but that's not the point of telling her - The point is that you trusted her enough to tell her. That fact alone means a lot to me, and it most likely means a lot to your girlfriend as well.
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