Numb79 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I am really starting to get sick of this feeling. I cannot sleep the whole night through for the life of me!! I find myself waking up at the same time no matter what time I decide to go to bed the night before. The worst part is that once I wake up, the process starts all over again. I really don't know what to do! Maybe when I go back to the doctor for my broken foot, I should just lie and tell him that I need some sleeping pills. This is seriously taking a toll on me. I have noticed that I don't even wake up the same way before this all happened. I used to just keep on hitting the snooze button before I was personally ready to wake up. Now, its as if I just jump out of bed..... and can't fall back asleep. I just want to sleep the whole night through..... and right now its seems as if its too much to ask. But everyone tells me not to worry, that this kind of stuff takes time. Although I know its true and I tell myself that every day..... I am also so irritatted!! I need her and the situation out of my head ASAP!! I need some type of magic pill which I know does not exist!! I just want to have a normal 8 hrs worth of sleep and that seems like it is too much to ask for!! How in the world do you guys do this!?! I believe I am putting forth the effort to try and move on but I don't even feel as if I have made any progress at all. This gut wrenching feeling is just getting the best of me everyday. I feel like I am fighting this uphill battle..... and I am so mentally, physically, and emotionally tired of all this! I just want this feeling to stop and go away! It doesn't matter what happened anymore, it doesn't matter if there was a third party involved, it doesn't matter what she is doing, it doesn't matter what she is thinking or how she is feeling, the only thing that matters is that it is over, I will get over this, I will heal and move on, I will look back on this one day and learn, etc. etc. I tell myself those types of phrases everynight before bed. I just want to be able to shut it all off and live like a normal human being again. But it just seems like there is no end to this. I have followed the advice of friends, family, and things I have read on the internet. I have had no contact and removed triggers in my surroundings... but now its all in my head. I want bread crumbs!! I want something that shows that she still cares and I want to know that this was hard for her as well!! No, I don't.... I am just grasping at straws right now. That will not change what has happened. If I realize that, then why am I still struggling on a daily basis? She has already told me that she was done.... not to fight for her.... that we cannot remain friends..... to learn what I can from this and apply it to my next relationship. She has basically told me everything I need to in order to let go. So why can't I? What is everyone's thoughts? Am I going through the phases of letting go? Am I still in shock or denial!? I would like to know that I have made some type of progress..... and if I haven't just give it to me straight! Maybe I need a little harsh reality...... I need to wake up!!! This Sunday will make it 5 weeks since the break up... and I don't even know if I have gotten any better since day 1. I just want all this nonsense to stop!!
jus d'orange Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I'm in kinda the same boat. I've come to accept, understand, and be glad for the breakup. I've started making serious changes in my life. I'm making efforts to appreciate all the great things around me. I'm hitting the gym every day and getting in even better shape. I have maintained perfect NC (my friend told me she really wants me to get in touch. It almost made me curious enough to want to contact her, but I still haven't. Maybe at 3 months? Who knows). It'll be 5 weeks for me in a few days. My life is going great. I don't think I'm a bad person; in fact, I think once I heal, I'll be happier than I was during the relationship. But still, I miss her so much. Despite the pain of the break-up, I have been able to look back on all of our memories, good and bad, and still really think of her as a wonderful person. I miss seeing her beautiful face. She used to think I was exaggerating when I said she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I still feel that way about her, I guess. At some point, I just won't care about it... I hope. I still wonder if, some months or years from now, she won't try for us again. She'll realize that, despite our problems, we've grown and moved on, and have become ready to try again. It's so annoying. I just want to move on. I want to stop thinking about her all day and every day. I'm just trying to keep as busy as possible with my own life, accomplishing as much as I can and taking time to heal and think on the relationship and its end in a constructive way. In other words, I'm going through the same thing. Maybe others who have done this a bunch of times can chime in, but I'm doing everything right by the books. I've got a really positive attitude about the whole thing-- I'm using this as an opportunity to change my life for the better, etc. Maybe after 2 or 3 months, I'll think of her less. Maybe you will, too. Who knows?
goohoo Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Just remember, there are plenty of others out there who are feeling the exact same emotional distress and misery as you right now, including me. We are all in this together, if that gives you any sense of enlightenment. Even so, I must say I'm a little bit behind you in terms of how recent my situation is. It's only been 4 days of NC so far, and I must say I'm absolutely crumbling inside of my mind. But we must all press on and work toward our future. Think of this way, there is really nothing negative that can occur from all of this. I've tried to burn this into my brain and, I must say it really is starting to work, even so soon. So, keep these things in mind and they will help you make positive of the situation: In the end, you WILL be happy. In the end, SHE will be happy. In the end, if you were truly meant to be together, you will be and this is how you will BOTH be happy. In the end, if you are not together, YOU will be with someone who you are even happier with. In the end, if you are not together, SHE will be with someone she is even happier with. I've also told myself, sometimes we may wander away from each other in life, experience different people, different events, and one day realize where our place really is. It does happen, and people separate and end up back together months or years down the line, because after experiencing other things, they realize what they've had all along. Stay positive, healthy, of course keep that little glimmer of hope in the back of your mind (don't let it consume your entire life though) and press on. Because you can't change the past. You can only look toward the future and you need to welcome it with open arms.
Author Numb79 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 The thing that gets me the most is that I already know that there is already no hope for a future. I know that this is the best because neither of us is willing to relocate. With her in Canada and me in the states, someone will have to move in order for this to even work. If I know this.... then why can't I seem to just let it go. Logically, this all makes sense.... right? Even if one of us was willing to relocate the relationship has already been tainted. It will be impossible if not extremely difficult for things to go back to how they were. Things just won't be the same anymore. The damage has already been done. I can see the logic behind all this but yet I still long miss her!? What the hell is going on here!? This needs to just stop!! I know in time that it will.... but for right now, its just seems like this feeling is never ending.....
mike588 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I was dumped 7 months ago and understand what your going thru..it's only been 5 weeks....unfortunatley it will take longer...well for most of us. Everyone heals in different ways and times...My hell of not being able to sleep...couldn't eat much etc. lasted alot longer than that. I was having difficulties at work and was drinking myself silly on the weekends to sleep. I'm sure you have heard this before but time is what heals...your just gonna have to take it day by day...Don't break No Contact and do your best to move on. It's normal what your going thur and what your feeling. Hang in there!
stitch702 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Time will heal you. Honestly that's the best advice I can offer. I was going through the same thing you were going through. I woke up feeling my heart drop and i would just like there for hours if not the whole day. I felt that I had to force myself out of bed to just do things and take care of myself. I did everything that the internet said as far as NC, remove triggers, hang with friends, etc. I thought none of it worked...but it did and I am in a much better place 5 months post break up. The thought of her doesn't even bother me anymore and I find it ok to be by myself and when I'm out and about with friends I actually enjoy myself now instead of faking it till I make it. Really though, the heart ache will fade in time. It takes a while for the heart to catch up to the brain if you've honestly decided that it is best for you to move on. One day I woke up and the pain wasn't there anymore, I began noticing other pretty girls around me, and I was able to get up and get on with my life. I don't know how it happened, but it just did. For now my advice is to keep yourself busy and focus on yourself. Turn the negative energy you are feeling into something positive. Find a hobby or activity that can take your mind off of her. Something you can be passionate about. For now you just have to endure while believing that one day it won't hurt anymore. During that time, keep yourself busy and in the end you'll realize an inner strength you never thought you had. 1
Author Numb79 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I think its because I did everything too soon. I went NC as soon as it happened.... removed triggers and sent her back her personal belongings within the first week. Its as if I forced myself to move on too quickly. Through myself into work, volunteered, started working out, and avoided being home at all costs!! Then I broke my foot. Now I am just stuck. Perhaps breaking my foot was a blessing in disguise because I never did really face my emotions. People say that in order to really get over it.... you need to face it and not run from it. Maybe that is what is happening now. With a broken foot and no where to run to anymore.... I am forced to face it head on!! I tell you what..... "It" is really kicking my butt!!!
SongOfAWoman Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I am on day 5 and doing every possible thing wrong. I am not coping well at all. I haven't eaten in five days, and barely sleep. I don't leave the house unless I run out of toilet paper. i wake up in the morning and for a second life is okay. Then it all comes crashing in. It wasn't a bad dream, this is my new life. I remember being 16 and losing my first love. It took me 2 years! God I hope maturity speeds the process up, because I feel like the grief could physically kill me sometimes.
jus d'orange Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 Stitch702's post is dead on. I've been going through this transition period, as I come toward 5 weeks post B/U and 5 weeks strict-NC, where there are days that I feel like I've started moving on, and days where I get stuck again. This morning, I forced myself to listen to one of her favorite songs that I think she used to start getting over her love for me a few months ago, when we began falling apart. I knew it would make me cry, but I just felt awful. I was able to let it out emotionally, and then I've spent the rest of the day being productive and feeling really good about life. I think there's a transition period for everyone, where you start to feel that you're moving on with life, but that you'll come back to it still. One day, I suppose I will wake up and hardly feel or think about it at all anymore. The advice here is great. It won't make you feel great straight away. Your heart has to catch up to your head. You MUST learn to see it all for the best. You MUST take the break-up as an opportunity to better yourself. You MUST trust in the future being better, if you're willing to work for it. I've started moving on. Maybe someday I'll want her back again and she'll want me back again, but for the time being, I've got a life to live. You have a life to live, too, Numb. Start feeling pride in yourself again. Don't let somebody take away the good things you've got in life. Don't let them take your happiness any longer than it takes you to heal. You're going to be happier after all of this, IF you keep doing the right things as you've been doing.
stitch702 Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) You'll get there just give it some time... Edited March 3, 2012 by stitch702
Author Numb79 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 The part that tears me up the most is you start to realize that this person will no longer be apart of your life in any way shape or form. Its as if none of it ever happened. I understand that its a fact of life and that there is nothing you can do about it. But its still a sad fact. Like you guys all say, one day you will wake up and you won't even think about it anymore..... to be honest, that is a really depressing thought. But, at the same time you start to ask yourself, the other person is willing to let go of you completely so why should you really care? If they are willing to go through the rest of their life as if the two of you never crossed paths...... then shouldn't I be able to do the same? I really don't know what is it I am feeling.... I am sad that the relationship has come to an end? Or am I sad at the fact that I know one day, I will move on and it will be as if this person that I once cherished never existed and what we had wouldn't even matter anymore................
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