maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 The harder someone rebounds the more they are hurt or the faster they have moved on? I don't believe in rebounding but I am trying to understand something. If you have rebounded I would appreciate your feedback.
Philosoraptor Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 It's a path of avoidance instead of taking the time to heal. The terms of their rebound may or may not fall in line with how bad they are hurting, but they are just trying to cover a wound rather than fixing the issues.
volkl1996 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I moved out March 2011. I started dating a girl 07/2011. It lasted 3-4 months. I had a lot of anxiety while dating her though we did have some great times together. I now know it was a rebound. Would I do it again? Yes, I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about dating and what I want. I also met a great person who taught me some things. Was I selfish? No, she knew where I was in my life, we talked about it often. Plus I was not using her as a rebound; at the time I did not view it that way.
Author maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I moved out March 2011. I started dating a girl 07/2011. It lasted 3-4 months. I had a lot of anxiety while dating her though we did have some great times together. I now know it was a rebound. Would I do it again? Yes, I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about dating and what I want. I also met a great person who taught me some things. Was I selfish? No, she knew where I was in my life, we talked about it often. Plus I was not using her as a rebound; at the time I did not view it that way. Thanks for sharing. I was my ex's rebound. He was in a relationship for nearly 6 years, started dating me 3 months later, we lasted 3 and a half months. We have been broken up for one month and he has been seeing someone already within a few weeks if not immediately after we broke up so he appears to be continuing the rebounding.
sigurpol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I dated a girl about a month later after a 3+ year relationship. It was nice at first, but very quickly my head was somewhere else. And it shows. We lasted about a month or two.
Author maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I dated a girl about a month later after a 3+ year relationship. It was nice at first, but very quickly my head was somewhere else. And it shows. We lasted about a month or two. When you started it, did you feel at the time that you were completely moved on?
FitChick Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 The older I get the more quickly I rebound. However, it does seem to take me longer than some people to process a former relationship. Everyone is different. I know I wouldn't want to be some guy's "transitional woman." Been there, done that.
sigurpol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 When you started it, did you feel at the time that you were completely moved on? Yes and no. I think when you're rebounding, you're sort of in denial that you're actually doing it. Thats how I felt, at least. I was telling myself, 'you're single again, you can date someone now'. As time went on, she was excited to have someone, while I wanted my space and time to myself. When it got to that point, I realized what I was doing.
Author maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 The older I get the more quickly I rebound. However, it does seem to take me longer than some people to process a former relationship. Everyone is different. I know I wouldn't want to be some guy's "transitional woman." Been there, done that. TELL me about it, I even called it in the beginning but he assured me that of course it wasn't the case. Yep.
Author maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 Yes and no. I think when you're rebounding, you're sort of in denial that you're actually doing it. Thats how I felt, at least. I was telling myself, 'you're single again, you can date someone now'. As time went on, she was excited to have someone, while I wanted my space and time to myself. When it got to that point, I realized what I was doing. Thank you, I appreciate giving your point of view
olivec Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I tryed rebounding and it did not work at all. Because my head was not clear at all. I know now it was a huge mistake and I wasn't ready to date at all. Its taking me months to finally feel ready to date. However I'm not currently dating anybody at this point but atleast I don't have those feelings of desperation or longing to find someone. I believe it'll happen when your not looking and not focusing on it.
Author maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 I tryed rebounding and it did not work at all. Because my head was not clear at all. I know now it was a huge mistake and I wasn't ready to date at all. Its taking me months to finally feel ready to date. However I'm not currently dating anybody at this point but atleast I don't have those feelings of desperation or longing to find someone. I believe it'll happen when your not looking and not focusing on it. Thank you for your response, this is why I don't rebound. I think it seems very desperate and it is actually avoiding the feelings rather than dealing with them. They end up turning up at some point anyway it seems and then there is an innocent person involved, it's unfair and not worth it.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 For me, rebounding made it easier to move on. Having dated a new guy, I was less likely to run back to my ex when I was lonely.
Author maylis Posted March 2, 2012 Author Posted March 2, 2012 For me, rebounding made it easier to move on. Having dated a new guy, I was less likely to run back to my ex when I was lonely. When you were in the rebound relationship did you think that is what it was or did you think you were indeed truly over your ex?
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 When you were in the rebound relationship did you think that is what it was or did you think you were indeed truly over your ex? At the time I thought I was over my ex. I knew I still had feelings for him, but I thought that the hardest part was over. Well, I was wrong. It took me 2 years to get over him, but the rebound really kept me from running back to him, because I wanted to many times. The only thing stopping me was the guilt knowing that if I did, I would be cheating.
futuremom Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 The last two serious relationships I was in started within days of the previous relationship for the other party. It's awful because, especially as the relationship is new, you hear a lot of "You're so much better than [my-ex]" "Oh, you do that so well, [my-ex] never used to do that." Every little thing you do is always being compared to the last girl/guy and while that may happen to some extent in a relationship that's NOT a rebound, you'll probably never hear about it, and if you do, it's usually because the ex is stirring up trouble or making another appearance. Don't do it to yourself, just don't, you're worth it to find somebody that is looking for the perfect person, as opposed to someone just better than the last one, because eventually the novelty and memory of the previous person will fade and they'll start picking holes in you too, until you can practically hear them talking to their friends after you two break up "Yeah, she walked around like she was so hot, but you shoulda seen her without makeup bro, like a troll!" Both of those relationships started for me after 13 months and six months respectively of being completely celibate and alone, and that's probably what made me overlook so much. You think, "Yes, he has flaws, but I'M forgiving and I'M caring and we'll make it WORK!" Unfortunately to do that, you need the cooperation of both parties, which generally is not going to happen once the ex-goggles has fallen off. Walk away now, while you still can. It will be worth it in the end.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I agree with the above poster. It's better if you deal with it on your own. You will avoid hurting yourself, other people, but most of all you will have a clear mind afterwards. Rebounding only entangles you in emotions that aren't even real. It just makes a confusing situation.
Author maylis Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 I agree with the above poster. It's better if you deal with it on your own. You will avoid hurting yourself, other people, but most of all you will have a clear mind afterwards. Rebounding only entangles you in emotions that aren't even real. It just makes a confusing situation. I agree, dealing with it alone is more sane and healthy.
olivec Posted March 5, 2012 Posted March 5, 2012 Thank you for your response, this is why I don't rebound. I think it seems very desperate and it is actually avoiding the feelings rather than dealing with them. They end up turning up at some point anyway it seems and then there is an innocent person involved, it's unfair and not worth it. exactly, but when your in the moment rebounding is very tempting sometimes especially if someone new is interested in you.
Author maylis Posted March 5, 2012 Author Posted March 5, 2012 exactly, but when your in the moment rebounding is very tempting sometimes especially if someone new is interested in you. I have been there one time. Since my now ex and I have broke up though I have had like 5 guys trying to get with me though and I'm just not having it. I hope you don't think I was judging or something, wasn't my intention. Really I am just trying to understand other views.
olivec Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I have been there one time. Since my now ex and I have broke up though I have had like 5 guys trying to get with me though and I'm just not having it. I hope you don't think I was judging or something, wasn't my intention. Really I am just trying to understand other views. No not at all lol. And I agree with you. Your doing the right thing by not jumping into dating soo quick because then things get very messy and someone always gets hurt and feeling become more confused because of it. I'm happily single right now and have no intentions of dating right now lol.
zeldasayre Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 I just recently ended a relationship that lasted a little bit more than 1.5 years. I am currently seeing someone. We are just dating, though I wouldn't mind if it went further eventually. I'm trying to avoid getting into a serious relationship, though, to avoid it being labeled a rebound. I ended things with my ex boyfriend. Within a week, I did have a date with the current fellow. I don't feel like this is a rebound, because I was emotionally out of the last relationship long before we officially ended it. Of course, everyone is different. I will admit it feels nice to be able to share a bed (and more) with someone, but I don't think I'm worried to be alone. If you like someone, whether or not a relationship recently ended, I don't think there is harm in pursuing it. As long as you're not struggling or holding on to the past relationship. When I was younger (19 years old), I broke up with my second boyfriend. We had also been dating a bit over 1.5 years at the time. Again, I initiated the break up. A few months later, I did rebound with a close friend. At the time, I was just looking for comfort and intimacy. I was very lost after that break up. Needless to say, the rebound and I are no longer close friends.
olivec Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I just recently ended a relationship that lasted a little bit more than 1.5 years. I am currently seeing someone. We are just dating, though I wouldn't mind if it went further eventually. I'm trying to avoid getting into a serious relationship, though, to avoid it being labeled a rebound. I ended things with my ex boyfriend. Within a week, I did have a date with the current fellow. I don't feel like this is a rebound, because I was emotionally out of the last relationship long before we officially ended it. Of course, everyone is different. I will admit it feels nice to be able to share a bed (and more) with someone, but I don't think I'm worried to be alone. If you like someone, whether or not a relationship recently ended, I don't think there is harm in pursuing it. As long as you're not struggling or holding on to the past relationship. When I was younger (19 years old), I broke up with my second boyfriend. We had also been dating a bit over 1.5 years at the time. Again, I initiated the break up. A few months later, I did rebound with a close friend. At the time, I was just looking for comfort and intimacy. I was very lost after that break up. Needless to say, the rebound and I are no longer close friends. You make good points I like your take on it. And like you said everyone is different so you really gotta look at it from all angles.
Recommended Posts